Page 132 of Koroleva

His whole life was spent preparing for the moment when his father would pass the baton to him. As my Nonna said, Uncle Giuliano was the most ruthless and steadfast capo in the history of the ‘Ndrangheta, and living up to him was no easy task. So the pressure on my cousin was very high.

Every year we exchanged houses, meaning either my parents sent us to Calabria for the summer and they would come the last week of August to spend it there and take us back with them, or it was our cousins, Salvatore, Piero, and Giovanna, who came to our house, and my uncles did the same.

Year after year, the mini Capuletos prepared for what was going to be the best summer of our lives. That's how we saw it, although that season always brings good things when you're a kid with several months ahead full of sun, beach, pool, and outings.

We all awaited the end of school to reunite and enjoy ourselves. Even though we might fight, or R and S got along like cats and dogs. "Firstborn children of the mafia things," our parents and uncles would joke.

In my case, I don't know when my perception of my cousin changed, or if it ever did.

I thought he was so handsome from a young age that even my favorite doll was named after him. Maybe I always liked him, because blue was my favorite color and everyone at home had brown eyes. His eyes reminded me of those aquamarine earrings that twinkled in my mother's ears. My father had given them to her for one of their anniversaries, and I was fascinated by them, they seemed the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, along with Salvatore's eyes.

My cousin was handsome, very handsome, and he knew it. He was also aware that all the girls in the development where we lived awaited the arrival of the Italian who appeared every biennium.

Naturally, he, his brother, and mine, who were of similar

ages, were always bustling about together.

Giovanna and I were ostracized due to our age, gender, and not understanding that the boys played in a completely different league, which back then seemed monumental.

They were into bikes, soccer, fights, and various competitions. We were into dolls, walks, and books. Though we all enjoyed the beach, the pool, and the excursions meticulously planned to ensure the summers remained etched in our memory.

Our families were keen on sharing moments, hosting parties, dinners, and always staying together, though not mixed.

My fascination with Salvatore grew as quickly as the marks on the wall that our uncles used to measure us accumulated lines.

Secretly, I crowned him prince of my imaginary kingdom, treasuring that photo of us together building a sandcastle on the beach, like precious gold. Back then, I was only eight years old and didn't understand that love between cousins was frowned upon. Or, at least, not in the way I longed for Salvatore for myself.

I will always remember that period when my illusions and hopes shattered.

I had turned twelve, so it was time for summer in Calabria.

My mother and aunt were in the living room, having a cup of tea and discussing their matters. My cousin had already started shaving and had a pack of crazed followers behind him, constantly sending him love letters and batting their eyes at him whenever they saw him.

I will always remember that slice of time when my illusions and hopes shattered.

I had turned twelve, so it was time for summer in Calabria.

My mother and aunt were in the living room, having a cup of tea and discussing their matters. My cousin had already started shaving and had a horde of crazed followers behind him, who kept sending him love letters and batting their eyes at him whenever they saw him.

I was about to enter when I heard something that made me stop.

"Do you know that the other day I caught my Salvatore kissing the Montardi girl?" my mother shrieked in horror, while my heart shattered. I had hoped that my cousin would notice me differently, that he would look at me with new eyes and realize I had grown, but if he was seeing another girl, that wouldn't happen.

"And what did Giuliano say?"

"He didn't find out. Thankfully. When I went to scold our son about whether there weren't more girls in Calabria to kiss, he simply replied whether I seriously thought he was going to marry her for a tongue exchange. He did it because she was pretty and let him."

The two of them laughed. To me, the answer seemed abominable; didn't Salvatore care about that girl's feelings? And what now, was he going to kiss any girl who let him?

It didn't seem right to enter, especially because it would interrupt the conversation and I wouldn't be able to hear all that privileged information about my cousin that interested me so much. I decided to hide behind the door frame leading to the hallway, it was impossible for them to see me from there and I could listen without the risk of being discovered.

"He's at that age," my mother noted. "My Romeo has also started flirting with girls, it's natural for our children to experiment if they're given the chance, they're very handsome."

"The one who is truly beautiful is Julieta," admired my aunt, making my cheeks blush.

"Yes, she's nearly ready to change, her body is no longer that

of a little girl and I got my period at twelve."

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