Page 20 of Truly Madly Deeply
oBITCHuary: Returned to the small town I grew up in for a personal matter and everything is…off.
McMonster: That’s small towns for you.
oBITCHuary: How would you know? You grew up in Philly.
McMonster: Educated guess. How can I make you feel better?
oBITCHuary: Tell me it’s okay to take back my promise to my mom and go back to NYC instead of staying here for eight weeks?
McMonster: You know the answer to that question, kiddo.
oBITCHuary: Boo.
oBITCHuary: Well, give me an incentive.
McMonster: Do the right thing so Karma doesn’t get your ass?
oBITCHuary: Karma is literally still stalking me for a chocolate bar I stole from my grandma when I was six. Too late for that.
oBITCHuary: Let’s meet up when I’m back in New York.
McMonster: Aw. Socializing? I thought you were better than that.
oBITCHuary: Come on. We’ve been talking for three years.
oBITCHuary: And before you say anything, no, I don’t care that you work at a fast-food chain and I don’t care if you think you look like an ogre. I LIKE you. And I don’t like men. Hence why we’re here.
McMonster: I’ll think abou tit.
oBITCHuary: Okay. Mine are great, BTW.
McMonster: *IT.
oBITCHuary: Sure, Jan.
McMonster: Shouldn’t you be scared of men?
oBITCHuary: Well, it’s easier to flirt when you have no idea what my real name is or where exactly I live. It’s not like you can come over and take me up on my non-offer.
oBITCHuary: Also, my androphobia is not so bad that I can’t work around men or talk to them in public settings. I just…don’t want to date them. Kiss them. Be in a relationship with them. I’m not asexual. I am EXTREMELY sexual. And THANK YOU Harry Styles for making me discover my sexuality. But I’m scared if I entered a relationship with a man, he’d hurt me. Physically. Mentally. Make sense?
McMonster: Perfect sense. So you’re not gonna hump my leg if we meet?
oBITCHuary: I mean, I’d like to keep my options open.
oBITCHuary: Remind me what YOU are doing in an androphobia forum?
McMonster: Abusive man in my life made me very fucking wary of my kind.
oBITCHuary: Don’t write all men off. They’re not all bad.
McMonster: Yeah?
oBITCHuary: Yeah. There are also people like you.
ROW
“What do you mean they resigned by text?”
