Page 218 of Anathema

His finger hooked my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “You will never be them.” His brows pinched to a frown, and he ran his fingers through my hair, before clenching his fist around the strands. “But I do not trust myself with you. Something took over my mind with the kind of ease that troubles me.”

“Elowen said you’d fallen into the dark space. Caligorya.”

“I’ve slipped into Caligorya before in training. This was different. This was, perhaps, the first time I’ve felt … trapped there.” The shadows in his eyes flickered and he winced, as if he were living that moment all over again. “My head is not a safe place, Maevyth. I’m losing my senses, just like Branimir. You’d do well to keep your distance.” Untangling his fingers from my hair, he turned away, but I gripped his arm.

“No.” Nails digging into his biceps, I shook my head of any meek inclinations there. My stubborn tenacity refused to accept his rejection. “I will not. You’re not leaving me alone in this place. I won’t allow it and I won’t allow you to drift off into your head again.”

A muscle in his jaw ticced with the tight clenching of his teeth. “I had no control over myself. I could’ve easily stayed in that state of mind. The things I saw … and did … I couldn’t escape it.”

“But you did. By the grace of gods or forces or fate, you escaped.”

“The gods did nothing. It was you, Maevyth. By the grace of a flitting rope that you managed to tug hard enough.”

With a hand against his cheek, I guided his anguished eyes to mine. “Should you slip into that state again, I will grab that rope with both hands and pull you back.”

The furrow in his brow deepened. “And if it doesn’t work next time?”

“I won’t let go. I promise.” I scarcely drew a breath before his lips were on mine again, stealing my breath with a kiss that sent a shock of relief through me.

Hands gripped my face as he held me imprisoned in that breathless moment, then pressed his forehead to mine. “I’ll never know what in seven hells inspired the universe to send you to me, Maevyth.”

“Some might call it a punishment,” I said, smiling.

“If this is punishment, then I welcome an eternity of suffering.” The kiss that followed was gentle and teasing in the way he merely brushed his lips across mine. “You consume me entirely, little moon witch.”

I lifted my hand to trace my fingers over his jaw, realizing they were still wrapped.

As if he’d just noticed then, he gripped my hand and frowned. “What is this?”

“I’m afraid to touch you.”

“Why?”

I glanced away, shame and guilt, once again, rising up from the murky depth of my conscience. “I took life with this hand.”

“Elowen?”

Lips pressed together, I nodded, pushing away the emotion that threatened to pull me under. How silly I must’ve looked to him. A man who took life easily. Who killed without hesitation, or remorse. “She turned into one of them, attacked me, and I grabbed her throat. The next thing I knew … my fingers blackened and … she turned to dust.” The devastation of that moment wound itself around my heart, and tears sprang to my eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I must sound foolish to you, but … killing her with my bare hands … I felt like a … monster.”

“You’re no monster.” He gripped my hand and unraveled the rag from my fingers, lifting them toward his lips as if to kiss them.

Dread tautened my muscles, and I curled my hand into a tight fist. “No. Don’t. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“The will of the wielder, Maevyth. Magic only works at your will. Remember that.” He unfurled them and kissed the tips of my fingers.

I sucked in a breath, waiting for that horrible pulsing blackness to crawl over him, just as it had in the woods. A hysterical panic churned in my stomach when the image of the inverted bird’s eyes came to mind, and I tugged at my hands to get loose. “No! Wait! Please!”

He paused, staring back at me. “You will not harm me.” Eyes on me, he shoved my fingers into his mouth, and I watched in rapt fascination as he sucked the tip of one. “Magic requires your command.”

“But I have such … intrusive thoughts. Thoughts I can’t help sometimes.”

“They’re thoughts. Not will.” He dragged my finger over the sharp edge of his teeth. “I can imagine biting into your flesh, can practically taste the blood on my tongue, but I’d sooner rip my own heart out than hurt you that way. Do you understand the difference?”

Enthralled by him, I nodded.

“Never fear your power.” He ran his thumb over my cheek, staring back at me. “Your eyes are mesmerizing.”

While part of me was curious to see them, I couldn’t bear the thought of what their change meant. “I can’t help but wonder if her death broke the spell to hide them.”

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