Page 58 of Calico Descending

My chest twitches with the urge to break down and cry, and the tears in my eyes only add frustration to my slowly shrinking pride.

“As a reward, I’ll gift you a night with Valdys tomorrow. He’ll be pleased, as he’s already asked about you twice today.”

“Can I see him? Before, I mean.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. In the event you mention this evening, it might upset him.”

“I won’t. I promise I won’t. I just want to see him.”

Lips pressed together, he shakes his head. “I’m afraid not. Guards are outside the door, waiting to escort you down. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some preparation for before tomorrow’s excursion.”

“Doctor Ericsson, I--”

He lifts his hand, eyes blazing with irritation. “That will be all.”

A numbness settles over me, as I curl my fingers around the arms of the chair. A long and slender piece of metal I’ve often seen him use to open sealed envelopes catches my eye, where it sits in front of me, on his desk. The pointed end of it could easily puncture his throat. I’d watch with macabre fascination as he bled all over his desk, and what then? The guards outside wouldn’t hesitate to shoot me for killing a doctor. By week’s end, the blood would be wiped away, and a new doctor would take his place. Perhaps one more sadistic. Or not. The only certainty is that Alpha Project would go on, and Valdys will remain locked in his cell alone.

“You’re dismissed.” Doctor Ericsson’s words break my thoughts, and I push up from the chair, my legs feeling heavier than when I entered the room.

“Oh, one more thing.” His voice brings my footsteps to a halt, but I don’t bother to turn around and give him the satisfaction of seeing the tears in my eyes. “Just … judging by the tapes I’ve watched over the last couple of months. Cadmus is a bit more on the rough side. He seems to enjoy a bit of chase, so I suppose I should inform you that the guards have been advised not to intervene if they hear you scream. As for you, it’s best to just go along with it. Until it passes. Fewer stitches in the end, and all that.”

Eyes closed, I feel the tears spill down my cheeks, and I keep on toward the door. When I open the door, four Legion officers stand waiting for me.

Darkness swallows me, and when the door clicks behind me, I can’t help the flinching of my muscles. The same fear I felt the first day in Valdys’s room, but exacerbated by the fact that I know Cadmus hates everything about me.

“Here we are again.” His voice emerges from the shadows, carrying the kind of spiteful sarcasm I expected. “Had I known I was going to be shipped off to Ragerland, I’d have just fucked you a long time ago.”

My hands tremble at my side, my voice caught behind the tight squeeze of my chest.

“I would’ve been gentle the first time. But now I know you can take it. I’m sure Valdys stretched you nice and wide.”

“You don’t have to do this, Cadmus.”

“You’re right. I don’t have to. That’s what makes it exciting.” He steps into the light, and I’m suddenly reminded how big and imposing he is. “Everything about this is based on my will to fuck you, or not. And considering fucking you is all I’ve thought about, I’d say the odds are not in your favor.”

“This is what they want. They want you to use me, so that they can control you.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” He waves his hand in dismissal, edging closer. “And at the end of the day, they’re still going to send me down into that hellhole like a worm hooked on a line. So, why not have a little fun before the Ragers tear into me?”

Two more steps, and he’s backed me against the wall again, only this time, he’s not listening to me. My words are falling off him like blunted arrows.

With his forearm pressed against the wall beside me, he leans in, dragging his nose along my jawline, and when I clamp my eyes shut, all I can see is the disappointment on Valdys’s face.

“This isn’t going to save you, Cadmus. Taking what you want from me isn’t going to save you. It isn’t going to make you feel better. And it’s certainly not going to give you reason in the end.”

He pulls away from me, the pale green of his eyes softening the permanent smirk he wears. “You never know, sunshine. Fucking you might be exactly what saves me. Maybe if I come back with their little treasure, they’ll let me have you all to myself, as a reward.”

“And Neela?”

As his lips stretch into a smile, absent of that flicker of remorse I saw earlier, my stomach sinks. “Why do you think I give a fuck about Neela, huh? I don’t. I never did.” His palm slams against my throat, trapping the air in my chest, and I watch his jaw tic with the grinding of his teeth. “It was always you. The dreams.” His tongue drags over my cheek, and I press my lips together as he licks my mouth. “The fantasies. All the twisted fucking fantasies.” Releasing my neck, he slides his hands beneath my arms, urging them over my head, and threads his fingers into mine. “Those were the worst of it.” Hips forward, he grinds his erection against me and shudders a breath. “Imagining all the things I wanted to do to you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This place is all about punishment. Even the parts that feel like reward. I spent four years in here because of you. Injections that felt like my insides were being ripped out through my asshole. The surgeries. The tests. I’ve been cut with a blade so many times, I can’t even feel it anymore. All because of that fucking day in the yard. Because of you.” He tightens his grip around my hands and presses me to the wall. “All for the promise that, when it was over, you’d be mine. You were my prize.”

Oh, God. Ericsson has been using me against him for longer than I imagined. Feeding off his hate for me.

“Imagine my disappointment when they gave you to Valdys.” He dips his head and clamps his lips around the crook of my neck, moaning as he sucks at where I imagine a mark will be left on my throat for Valdys. “The stronger one, they said. And Neela was my fucking consolation prize for four years of letting them turn me into this.” His teeth bite down into my flesh, and when I flinch, he holds me tight against the wall. When he pulls away, the softness in his eyes from before has hardened into something cold and wicked. “So you better believe that I’m going to fuck you tonight. It’s been a long time coming.”

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