Page 79 of Calico Descending

“I want you, Valdys.” Tears swell in my eyes, and I blink them away to keep the emotion from touching my words. “In a perfect world, that’s all that would matter to me. You’re everything—warmth, air, water, the sustenance I crave to live. It troubles me to see him suffering, and if the alternative is to end him for it, I can’t accept that. But for him to think that I’m his only comfort is more of a curse than fortune.” The idea that I was reward for their brutal suffering twists my stomach into deep knots of guilt.

As much as I try to push the thoughts away, there’s a nagging reality that he wouldn’t be this way, if it weren’t for me. He wouldn’t have been sent to the tunnels, and he might not be in the state of mind he’s in now.

Cadmus needs help. The kind he isn’t going to find out in the middle of the desert. The kind that requires attention and care that doesn’t come from mere affection from me. But this is the nature of our decimated world. What we need to survive, to thrive here, rests in the hands of those who would sooner watch us kill ourselves for it. All I have to offer him is my touch, and I’m not even certain it will make a difference. Even if, in the absence of it, we become withdrawn, cold and imperceptible, physical contact alone isn’t going to save Cadmus.

I don’t know how to fix him. How to fix what I’ve done to him.

“Just once. I swear to you, I won’t ask again.” Cadmus’s voice from behind carries the desperation of a man whose mind is lost. The old Cadmus would never beg this way, far too bold and unapologetic compared to the man that stands here now. “I want to feel her. I want to feel again.”

He believes I’m his cure. Maybe I am. Or maybe this is another of Calico’s vicious torments that’ll leave us all in tatters afterward.

It seems I was promised to all three, but it’s always been Valdys that I choose. A lesson I’m certain was intentional, to dispel any acts of defiance against the Alpha Project. One that Doctor Ericsson undoubtedly laughs about even now.

“I’m not offering my blessings to watch another man lay his hands on my female. If not for your feelings toward him, and mine toward you, I’d fight to the death to keep that from happening. And I don’t honestly believe one time will be enough to slake this thirst he has for you, but if it’s a deal we strike to ensure he doesn’t touch you again, I won’t stand in the way of it.” Valdys lifts his gaze toward Cadmus, his eyes darkening. “Know that I will uphold those terms. And I swear to you, Cadmus, if you hurt her, I’ll take my pleasure in watching you suffer for it.” He turns away from me, headed back toward the shore, but I grab his arm.

Cadmus has pined for me since the beginning, and it’s clear the Alpha still covets me, even after what’s happened to him. My guess is, he won’t stop, which may prove dangerous. Might even get worse. The alternative is leaving him here alone in the desert, where he’ll undoubtedly perish in his state of mind. There’s a small part of me that wonders if that might be best, that maybe we’re prolonging the inevitable. It’s only my concern for a man who saved my life that refuses to entertain such a thing.

“This isn’t about his thirst. I don’t know what was done to you, or me, or Cadmus, but we are connected, whether we want to believe that, or not. I don’t understand what it means that Alpha blood runs through my veins. All I know is, whatever happened to him back at Calico, to all of you, I’m not blameless for it. Your pain is my own.”

“Enough with that.” He lurches toward me, gripping my chin. “You owe us nothing. You owe him nothing!”

“Valdys.” A quick glimpse of Cadmus shivering and twitching, as he stands in the water, and I lower my voice. “One time with me isn’t going to fix him, I know that. But maybe he needs to find that out himself.”

“I’d venture to say you’re wrong.” The resolution in his eyes is enough to crush my chest, and I have to look away from him. “I’ll stay near to ensure he doesn’t harm you, but I will not stand here and watch him take from you.”

“Wait.” The thought of being alone with Cadmus takes hold, prompting me to cling to Valdys.

“You think the walls of our cells were so thick that I couldn’t hear the way he took his pleasure?”

“I won’t do this, then. You’re right. It’s foolish of me to think I can save him this way, anyway.”

His shoulders sag, and he shakes his head. On a huff, he cups my cheek, his thumb running over my cheekbone. “I know firsthand how capable your touch is of saving a man’s life. It’s his that I fear would change you afterward.”

“Then, show him how to touch me without taking.”

He turns his face from me again, the very thought of such a thing assuredly repulsing him, but then his eyes shift with contemplation.

“I don’t understand what my role is in this binding between us, or why I was forced to be shared by three, but I know without question that you are my Alpha. My Champion. You’ve always been and will be.” I reach for his hand and lead him back to me, back to the water, and as I tug him to my lips, I see his eyes are on Cadmus. Watching the other Alpha. This doesn’t stop him, though, as he lifts me into his arms and carries me deeper, where Cadmus waits, and sets me down, between the two of them.

I feel encased in a wall of muscle and desire. There’s a moment of quiet and stillness, some exchange of stares between the two Alphas, and Valdys gives a sharp nod, as if Cadmus silently asked permission. Rising up on tiptoes, I pull Valdys in for another kiss and feel Cadmus set his hands beneath my shirt, against my waist.

His hands are foreign to me this way, and instinct begs me to push him away for touching me so tenderly, like that of a lover. At the same time, he’s careful and attentive, like Valdys. He brushes my hair away from my neck and kisses my shoulder over the fabric, while Valdys draws me in deeper, distracting me with his lips.

An edge of tension burns through Valdys, in his lips that turn to more fervent kisses, and the muscles flexing in his arms, as if he’s imagining his hands throttling Cadmus for touching me.

Placing my hand to his cheek, I break his kiss and peer into his eyes, holding his stare, while Cadmus kisses along the edge of my neck. I want Valdys to know my thoughts are of only his hands and lips on my body, and I close my eyes to kiss him again.

The edginess from before eases a bit, and I feel his hands snake their way beneath the hem of my shirt, lifting it as he runs his palms up my belly to my breasts.

I stand shivering, in spite of the arid warmth and the heat given off by the two of them. My heart is pounding an incessant beat of sudden uncertainty. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be shared by two, and as if he can sense my anxiety, Valdys cups my face in his hands and kisses me again, the assurance on his lips somehow providing a calming effect to the growing distrust of my body.

He bends forward lifting my shirt to take one of my nipples into his mouth and lowers himself to his knees. Even at that height, he could swallow me with his form. My flesh pebbles beneath the gentle lap of his tongue, as he licks and sucks, and I arch my back against Cadmus who buries his face in my neck. Dragging his nose up to my jawline, his hot breath hits the drops of water across my throat, sending shivers down my spine. I’m exposed and vulnerable, somehow wired to the two of them, as every nerve ending flares to life, and I expel a sharp exhale that Cadmus captures in his mouth as he slants his lips over mine. His kiss is soft and reverent, and he holds my jaw to keep me from breaking away. The lack of breath leaves me dizzy, almost drunk on the intoxicating mix of pain and excitement on his tongue. I can feel the torment beating through him, the unspoken agony that festers at his very core. Not unlike Valdys the first time we were together.

Greedy hands slide over my skin, touching, squeezing, exploring every curve of my body.

It occurs to me that there’s enough power between the two of them to break every bone with these hands, and yet, the gentle glide of their palms has only stoked a hum of excitement beneath my skin. I surrender myself to the two of them, the tension in my muscles softening with their attentive caresses.

Wet palms slide down my trembling thighs, as Cadmus snakes his hands inside my pants, taking a moment to run his fingers over my hip and pubic bone.

---