Page 9 of All My Heart

I enjoyed the endorphin rush from physical activity. It wasn't the same as a sexual release, but it was the best I had at the moment.

I'd hoped that Luna would have heard the noise and come over, but she hadn't. All the lights were off in her cabin. She was probably sound asleep.

I wondered if she'd be gone tomorrow. Probably wouldn't want to stay next to someone like me. I'd never hurt her, but she didn't know that.

I finished hauling the junk into the yard. I'd clean it up tomorrow. Then I jumped into the shower. I turned the knob so that the water was on the cooler side. I was used to showering in worse conditions.

At least I didn't have to share this bathroom, the bedroom, or the cabin with anyone else. No one was keeping me awake or rousing me early in the morning.

It should have felt great, but seeing Luna only reminded me how lonely I was. The military was a job. I wasn't there to make friends. If I was close to anyone, they'd want to know my story, and I hadn't let anyone in.

Even when Mom died, I told Dad I was fine, and he'd left me alone. He was busy with my youngest siblings, Jameson and Daphne. They needed him the most. Wes and Teddy had to grow up to help out, and I was just in the middle.

I had to be strong. No one had time to deal with my issues. I'd covered up the emotions, and I was fine. Now I was discharged, and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life. I’d thought I'd stay in the military longer, but something had been missing.

I could be surrounded by people but feel more alone than ever. That's when I decided I needed to get out and figure out my life. The military hadn't fulfilled me or healed me.

For now, I had some time alone at the cabin, then after, who knew? I let the water rush over me, beading on my skin. It felt good on my sore muscles.

In the privacy of my shower, I let the memory of Luna's naked body come to the forefront of my mind. Dusky rose nipples hard as pebbles, large breasts, curvy hips, and a nipped-in waist. Legs that seemed to go on for miles. Although it could have been an underwater illusion.

I could jerk off to just the memory of her breasts alone. She was a woman who was curvy in all the right places. I could imagine my hands gripping her hips as I drove into her from behind. I bet her ass would be large, just how I liked 'em. Her breasts would sway with the force of my thrusts.

I gripped the base of my cock hard. I had a second when I wondered if thinking about her was wrong. Then I dismissed it. No man could have seen what I had and not gotten hard.

Since I wasn't going to find a woman to lose myself in, and Luna wouldn't want anything to do with me, there was nothing else to do but take care of it myself.

What if she came over here to yell at me about the noise, but with one look at me she sank to her knees and sucked me into her mouth? Her perfect red lips wrapped around my dick, her throat working as she swallowed around my tip.

I swayed on my feet. I braced a hand on the tile, starting to jerk my cock to my favorite fantasies of Luna. No one had to know. She was my fantasy, my dirty little secret.

She might be gone tomorrow, but the image of her body would live in my spank bank for a long time.

I couldn't regret walking over to her cabin, not when I'd seen what I had.

Fuck. I couldn't think of anyone who'd ever gotten me hotter faster. The tingling sensation was building at the base of my spine and quickly took over my body. I spurted over the tiled walls as I shook from the effort.

She was hot as fuck. I wouldn't be able to live next to her and not rub one out every day. I told myself that it was because I hadn't been with anyone in a while. I'd lived with guys for so long, I didn't even have privacy to do this.

Luna wasn't anyone special. She was the first woman I'd seen after years of only hooking up with women I knew didn't want more from me. The last year or two, that had gotten old. So I was bound to lose it, and it wouldn't be fair to her if I unleashed myself on her.

She deserved a man who'd be careful with her. Who wasn't imagining her lips around their dick or with her ass up, waiting for me to fill her.

I was still hard. It hadn't worked. I still wanted her. I had a feeling no matter how many times I rubbed one out, it wouldn't be the same as being with her for real.

Since that was out of the question, I got out of the shower and grabbed a towel. I rubbed my skin until it was red and raw. Luna was off-limits. She deserved someone better than me. Someone who knew who they were, and what they wanted.

I wasn't the man for her. No matter how much I wanted to be someone deserving of her.

When I woke, the sun was shining through the window. I couldn't remember the last time I'd woken after the sunrise. I was used to waking up in the dark and going for a run. Would I run into Luna?

My heart shouldn't be jumping at the idea. I should be avoiding her. Nothing good could come from me seeing her again. I'd just be remembering what she looked like naked.

I scrubbed a hand over my face. I'd stayed up late reading a paperback, and I must have fallen asleep because the book was buried in the covers. I uncovered it, searched for my page, and slipped in my bookmark, the one that Izzy had made for me in first grade, between the pages to save my spot.

I had a soft spot for my nieces, but I didn't allow myself to develop much of a relationship with them. I'd seen things they couldn't comprehend, that they should never have to see. It was better if I stayed away from everyone.

At first, it was because I was leaving again anyway. What was the point of developing a relationship? But now, I was scared to even go home.

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