Page 31 of All My Heart

Her expression was a mix of excitement and nerves. The look I'd want on her face if I was about to fuck her. “That would be amazing, but it sounds a little unrealistic.”

“Why do you believe the worst-case scenarios and distrust the best ones?”

Luna shrugged. “I don't know. It's easier to believe the worst, I guess.”

“I've had to believe in the best-case scenario to go out and do what I did. If I believed the worst, I never would have gotten out of bed.”

“I've never thought of things that way.” Luna stood, moving to stand in front of me, clutching her tablet to her chest like it was a pad of paper. She was probably eager to get out of my bedroom and my cabin. I'd overstepped, given an opinion that she didn't want.

But I wanted to pull her between my legs and touch her. Run my hands up and down her body, getting to know how she felt, not just how her bare skin looked under the water. The image was getting blurry, more and more out of focus. I needed a hit of the real thing soon, or it would disappear forever.

“I hope it gives you a different perspective.”

She moved toward the door, and I reluctantly got up and followed her. I doubted she was having the same mental gymnastics about me touching her. She was probably focused on renovating my cabin, and my brain was in the gutter.

“You want to sit on the porch for a bit? That's what I usually do at night.”

“You don't watch TV?” Luna asked, putting her coat on.

“I have trouble sleeping at night, so I stay away from screens. I can make hot chocolate.” My mind raced for evidence that I'd bought the necessary ingredients. I had cocoa I used to make pancakes and waffle and milk. I think that was all I needed.

She took off her coat and sat in the chair. “How can I refuse?”

I interpreted that to mean she had nowhere else to be. Ever since she'd gotten here, she'd stayed in the cabin. She hadn't even run to the store for food. Maybe she was lonely too.

I quickly gathered the ingredients with shaking hands, hoping I could make something that resembled hot chocolate. It wasn't something I made often. It was easier to grab a beer from the fridge and nurse the bottle for an hour or two.

From the way Luna slowly slipped her beer during dinner, I got the impression it wasn't her first choice.

“You're here to decompress after being in the military for years.”

I nodded as I poured milk into the pan. “That's right.”

“You didn't want to visit your family and friends?”

“The friends would be from high school, and we lost touch. I messaged the guys from my unit here and there.” Try almost never.

“Do they live close?”

“They're here in Maryland.” It was best to be vague. She was from Florida and only here to visit a friend. It was unlikely that she knew my family. But I didn't want it to get out to my family that I was hiding from them. That wouldn't go over well. Their feelings would be hurt, and I'd be unable to smooth things over.

I heard her unspoken question. She wanted to know why I was waiting to see them. “I want to make sure I'm okay first. They have all these expectations about a perfect reunion with me home. Everyone lives here now, and everyone but my oldest brother is paired off.”

“You're worried you won't measure up or fit in?”

“Yes to both. The family has evolved and changed since I left.”

I kept one eye on the warming milk and the other on Luna. She looked good at my kitchen table. Is this how it would be if you lived with someone? You'd clean up from dinner together and make hot chocolate. Sit on the porch and talk to them as night fell. It sounded nice. Something I never allowed myself to dream about while I was in the military.

I was afraid to grow any attachments but also to dream about the future. I might not have one. What was the point of longing for it? I saw the other guys latch onto a woman, even marry her, have babies, then stare at their pictures, worried they'd left them behind forever.

I didn't want that, but now that I was out, I wasn't sure I deserved it. What did I have to offer anyone? This run-down cabin in the middle of nowhere?

When the milk boiled, I poured it into the waiting mugs of cocoa, then stirred it. “Hopefully this is edible.”

Luna moved so that she stood next to me, sending my heart racing in my chest. “I'm sure it will be good.”

“Let's take these out on the porch and find out.” I grabbed both mugs. “Can you get the bag of marshmallows? They're in the pantry.”

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