Page 36 of Follow My Heart

Last night, I set up Violet’s tree in her house. Then I took an exhausted Faith home. I planned to decorate the tree in the morning after I made her a breakfast of pancakes and bacon. I hoped this would be a new tradition for us.

When I’d settled into bed, Violet sent a picture of her in front of her tree that now had lights on it. I wished we could have stayed and helped her decorate.

My heart skipped a beat as I took in Violet’s smile. I’d put that there. She was overjoyed at the tree in her shop. It had been so easy to please her.

With Stacy, she wouldn’t have gone to a farm to cut down a tree. She would have deemed it a waste of time when we could grab one from a lot. I couldn’t even remember the last time she’d been at my family’s farm.

We’d never decorated the tree as a family. Stacy took the task over because her decorating sense was better.

But Faith was just a child. What did it matter if the tree wasn’t perfect? Or there were ice-cream-cone decorations instead of magazine-worthy ornaments.

I was glad that Faith got to experience what it was like to decorate a tree however she wanted. We’d only used Violet’s decorations, but she’d gotten a kick out of the ice-cream-themed decorations Violet had collected over the years.

I’d wanted to start a new tradition where we added a meaningful ornament from a family trip or a museum visit, but Stacy had turned up her nose at the idea of placing them on the tree. So I’d kept my childhood ornaments in one box and the ones I’d collected for Faith in another.

What I was waiting to use them for, I wasn’t sure. Maybe when Faith was old enough to live on her own? Her first Christmas away from home?

I ran a finger over Violet’s smiling face on my screen. There was something about Violet. She exuded a happiness and a never-ending well of hope radiated from her core. I wanted to bottle it up and keep it with me when I couldn’t be near her.

Thank you for joining us today.

Thank you for my trees. Best day ever.

The best part of my day was seeing the look on your face when you saw your ice-cream ornaments on your tree.

I’ve been saving those forever.

Wish we could have stayed and decorated your tree at home.

That would have been nice. But this way I have something to do on Thanksgiving morning. I like your suggestion of decorating the tree then.

I wished we could do the trees together, but we were just friends. It was crazy enough that Dad wanted to invite her to family dinner. But I was glad he did. It gave me an excuse to spend more time with her.

The question was, what was I doing with Violet? I felt like I was in limbo. Not quite divorced, not quite single. I wasn’t in a position to offer her anything even if I wanted to.

When Stacy first suggested a separation, I assumed we’d get back together. Why wouldn’t we work on our marriage?

But the longer I spent on my own, the more I realized how unhappy I was in our relationship. How much she dictated everything from our vacations to the activities we participated in and the people we surrounded ourselves with. And for some reason, the Calloways had been deemed unworthy of her time and attention.

Why hadn’t I realized that before now? My wife had disregarded my family, my history, and everything that made me who I was. Yet Violet had treasured the time at the farm. That didn’t mean she was the right person for me either. But it highlighted the differences between her and Stacy.

I was so intent on keeping our family together; I didn’t see how toxic Stacy had become. How our family was ruled by her dictates. What she wanted is what happened. When did I lose myself in that relationship?

How would I get all the pieces of myself back? I felt like the more time I spent in Maryland the better I felt, and the more I came back to myself. The Ryder that was proud of his family and wanted to be part of it. The Ryder that had interests and desires outside of what Stacy wanted.

I was slowly healing. When I first moved here, I couldn’t imagine moving on, but now I wanted to take the next step with Violet.

Would Violet think of me every time she saw her tree? Would she think of me when she was decorating tomorrow?

I’m so happy that Faith will be here this weekend and I can do all the holiday things with her.

I’m happy for you too.

I only recently realized how much Stacy controlled. Even my time with Faith. We rarely had one-on-one time together to bond. But that was my fault since I was working all the time.

Texting Violet felt like a journal entry, an admission of sorts. I hadn’t been the perfect dad, but I wanted to make up for it now.

My phone buzzed.

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