Page 39 of Golden Desires

I release a gentle purr, just for my kind Alpha, and when he looks up at me, meeting my eyes with a sheen of tears in his, I shake my head. Lifting one hand to cup the side of his bearded cheek, emotions clog my throat, but I force myself to speak.

“I take it back, ignore me. I’m sorry…” I whisper, but Ky shakes his head, his hold on me tightening. He sits back onto his heels, allowing my hand to fall back to his shoulder, and lets his arms slide away to cup my hips in a possessive grip.

“Your feelings are valid, Goldie. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, but I was avoiding you. Not for the reasons you’re thinking, though. I… I…” His amber eyes fall closed as he takes a deep breath, before meeting my gaze once more. “I struggle with control. I’m scared I’ll lose what grip I have and do something I can’t take back. I’m scared I’ll hurt you, or take things too far… Waking up with you in my arms, at first it felt like I’d woken up in heaven, but then the urge to bury myself inside you, and lock you to me on my knot, took over, and I panicked.” His confession is strained, but it’s having the exact wrong effect on my body right now.

Stupid Omega, this is a serious moment, focus you hussy!

“I would have let you,” I mumble softly, before nibbling my lip. “If you need space, I’ll keep my distance, but don’t distance yourself from me for the sake of my virtue, or the fear that you’ll hurt me… You could never hurt me, Ky.” I press my hand to his heart, holding his gaze for a long moment so he sees how deeply I feel those words.

“I’ve hurt Ma, I could hurt you too,” he whispers, his eyes falling closed as he drops his head in shame. “Her scar…” He doesn’t elaborate, but I frown. What about her scar? Why does he feel responsible? What happened? “I’m not ready to tell you the story, but… You need to know what I’m capable of.” He sounds so broken, and I can’t stand it anymore.

Dropping to my knees, I pull him down for a hug. I’ve got my arms locked around his neck as I grasp him tightly. My purr intensifies, and I hold him until the ache in my own chest settles, and then I pull back. With a firm grip cupping his jaw, I force him to look at me.

“Nothing you could ever do to me, could ever be worse than what I’ve already been through. The difference is, I know you don’t want to hurt me. I don’t know why you think you can’t trust yourself with me, but I trust you, Ky. I trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone else in my life prior to meeting you and your brothers. Do you trust me?” I ask, and Ky’s eyes flare.

“Of course!” he says with a conviction I wasn’t expecting.

“Then trust me enough to know myself. Trust me enough to say I will tell you if I’m scared, or if you’re taking things too far. Trust me enough to know that I trust you, and I want you near me. Touching me. Knotting me…” I whisper the last words, but the fear of knotting me is what sent him running from me yesterday morning.

“Fuck…” Ky swallows thickly, making me giggle.

“Sorry, I just wanted to make it clear where I stand, with the knotting and other stuff,” I add, and Kylan nods.

“Got it. Please stop saying knotting,” he blushes, and my giggle gets louder.

“Right, sorry.” I stand and take a step back as Ky follows. “So, what are you doing today?” I ask, but my stomach growls loudly, cutting off whatever he was about to say.

“Hungry? After the night you had with Aldair, I would have thought you’d be ravenous this morning,” Kylan teases, and I gasp, mouth hanging open.

“Wow, I expect that kind of sass from Cillian, but you too, Ky?” I shake my head and hold my hand to my chest mockingly, as we head toward the house. “And I am ravenous. Are you going to satiate that hunger, Ky?” I ask sweetly, making his scent flare, and his eyes burn with a look of desire that matches mine.

“Oh, you don’t fight fair, do you, naughty Omega? Come on, let's get you fed, you little vixen.”

The growl of frustration that leaves me as I swing the ax could rival a grizzly bear. Catching the grain at the top of the log, the tool slips to the side, causing the wood to splinter in a very awkward shape, not at all the way Aldair likes them for the fires. Honestly, I don’t care. I’m too frustrated to make a genuine effort.

The lingering scents of the men in the house are making me crazy, but they’re gone before I wake every morning, and don’t return until late at night. Kylan is the only one that’s ever here, but he’s always busy with the animals.

For five days now, I’ve gotten out of one of their beds, walked into a kitchen filled with food, but a table empty of men.

Two hours ago I ran into Ky, who was fresh out of the garden, covered in sweat and dirt, and I wanted to lick the man clean. He yelped, YELPED! And then ran from me like I was about to eat him alive.

In his defense, I probably would, given half the chance.

Aldair and Cillian have been scouting, according to Ky. The men from my old village are still looking for me, and they’ve gotten close to Alma, so Aldair and Cillian are setting traps to scare the villagers off before they get too close.

Things between Ky and I are still better than before. He’ll give me kisses and hugs. He cuddles me after dinner by the books, but always wants to go to bed alone.

“Ah!” I grunt, as I take my anger out on another piece of wood. I’m sweating profusely, but I’ve been sweating, so that's nothing new. My temperature has been rising for days now. I drench the sheets I sleep in every night.

Right now I’m pissed, covered in sweat, and so fucking desperate for a knot, that I’m ready to fuck myself with this ax.

That thought pulls me up short. I stand up quickly from leaning over, and look at the handle cautiously.

“What the absolute fuck?” I hiss at myself. That was unhinged and kind of gross. Fuck the ax? I shake my head, before slamming the ax into the round stump of a tree that Aldair uses as the base for his wood chopping. Without even thinking about it, I kick my shoes off, rip my dress off, and head for the river. I haven’t bothered with underwear, because every scrap of clothing against my body makes me want to shred my skin.

Stomping up to the bank of the river, I jump right in. The cool water soothes my heated skin, and I moan at the reprieve it provides me.

“Fuuuuck,” I whisper, as tears sting my eyes. “What’s wrong with me?” I cry. I’m all over the place today. I’ve never been this emotional in my life! I mean, I couldn’t be…there was never time to break down… “Ugh! So dumb,” I grumble, tipping my head back, and lifting my arms, attempting to float along the current. It fails. I’m in a river.

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