Page 26 of Golden Desires

She might accept our monster forms one day, but she could never accept the monstrous things I’ve done to the people I love most.

“My sweet one, you are not a burden here. Reuniting with you is such a treasure for me. Giving you a place to be safe away from those vile human beings…” Ma shakes her head, her meaning implied, but she doesn’t say it, instead she swallows the words down, and comforts Goldie with a hug. “Rest assured, you are very much wanted,” Ma trails off as she steps back and brushes the hair off of Goldie’s forehead, before pressing a kiss there. Ma gives her affection so freely. When she loves, she loves with all she has. Something else I envy. I’m too scared I’ll hurt someone if I love freely.

“You’re absolutely not a burden to us, Goldie. We would be honored to continue to share our home with you,” Aldair says the words softly, but he makes sure she knows he means them. My oldest brother always knows the right thing to say. Goldie smiles at him so sweetly, it makes my jealousy spike. I want her to look at me like that…

Cill continues to caress the back of her head, and I don’t miss the subtle shift in her posture as she leans into him more.

I remain pressed against the wall, as close to her as I dare to get. The need to pull my mate into my arms, and shield her from all these painful thoughts, has my chest aching. I don’t think I’m what Goldie needs.

“In the village, I never had a place I truly belonged after Mom died, and you were gone. I want to find my place in the world, somewhere I fit just right.” Goldie makes eye contact with each of us before she glances back down at her wrapped wrist.

“Maybe you already have,” Ma says with a gentle smile and a teasing wink that seems to set Goldie at ease because she smiles right back at Ma. She doesn’t know that she’s already found the place she belongs.

It’s up to us to show her that our home is hers now, to prove to her that our souls are hers, until she feels it in her heart the same way we do. That caring for her is our greatest joy and deepest wish. Our pack wasn’t complete without her here with us.

“I could use some air,” Goldie says, as she takes a deep breath. My brothers both make eye contact with me before they nod to the door outside. I don’t protest, even though I want to tell them no. I don’t trust myself alone with her, but at the same time, I desperately want to be near her, always.

“How would you like to come outside and meet some friends of mine? It’s time for afternoon feed.” I try to look confident when she peeks over at me, and I smile encouragingly. I’ll never get to a point where I can trust myself as much as my brothers do, if I never try. I know they’ll both be close by, and if I feel myself slip, I know they’ll jump in to protect Goldie without hesitation. I have no doubt they’ll be watching us through the windows.

“I would love to! Can you show me how to do the feeds? I want to show you all how grateful I am.” Her excited smile turns shy as she looks over at Ma. “It’s the least I can do,” she adds with a shrug before standing and walking over to me. I can tell both Cill and Dair want to correct her, tell her she owes us nothing, but Ma speaks up before either of them gets the chance.

“I’ll finish getting dinner together for us, if you’d like to join me?” Ma isn’t really asking, my brothers and I know this, but Goldie nods, making Ma grin. “Good, because I put a roast in earlier, just in case.” Ma winks and the guys and I chuckle. She knows damn well the three of us would never deny ourselves her cooking. “Cillian, why don’t you go gather some vegetables from the garden for a salad. Aldair, I will need your help with the firewood, I’ve nearly used it all up,” Ma barks out like an Alpha instead of the gentle spirited Delta she is. Years of raising us has made her efficient at dividing and issuing tasks.

I smile at Goldie, as I hold my hand out, gesturing for her to walk ahead of me, but she takes my hand in hers. The moment her soft palm touches mine, my breath leaves me in a rush. I can feel the pink taking over my cheeks as I gently lead her outside. I wasn’t expecting her to touch me, but it feels incredible. The connection between us feels like a lightning strike, and I nearly forget the point of leading her outside.

Walking behind the cottage in the direction of the storage shed, we are quickly swarmed by the many animals Ma treats like her furred and feathered children as they recognize my scent. The chickens and ducks have flocked to the Omega’s side for attention. I raised most of these animals alongside Ma, while she taught me to control the impulsive nature of my monster side. Unlike with my brothers, the animals always seek me out. I reach down with my free hand to pat a young goat when a squeal startles me.

The Omega drops my hand to pick up a small duckling that waddles over to her. Soft cream feathers twitch under her hand as the duck settles into the crook of her arm. There’s a soft wonder to her blue eyes as she snuggles the lucky duck.

She dropped my hand to cuddle you, you little fluff, so you better enjoy it. I think as I watch her coo at the sweet thing. Her kind heart is easy to see as I watch her, and for a moment I’m enchanted by the sight. Her scent has sweetened as well, and when she lets out her purr, I fall a little more in love with her. That's the same purr she would use to comfort her child…to show her affection without words. When I glance up at the garden, I see Cill has taken notice of the sweet sound and is watching her as well. I imagine the dopey love struck look on his face matches my own.

After another few minutes of Goldie nuzzling the duckling, she turns to me with wide eyes.

“Oh! I’m supposed to be learning how to feed them, not just petting them!” she giggles, placing the duckling back on the ground.

“It’s alright. They love attention, and I don’t mind waiting,” I tell her honestly, before nodding for her to follow me to the shed where we keep the feed for all of Ma’s animals. “So the chickens and ducks eat this,” I say, showing her the sack containing their feed Ma grows. I grab out a scoop of crumble for the chickens and ducks, and hand it to her. “Then a bucket's worth of barley for the goats, here.” I show her as I grab that as well. Happy bleats echo around me as I fill the trough with food, showing Goldie what to do.

“What do I do?” The look in her eyes as she turns to me stalls my heart and steals my breath. She’s unsure, doesn’t want to mess this up, and she trusts me to guide her. Her faith in me is something I didn’t expect her to give so freely. So easily. But she has, even if it’s just for this one thing, it’s everything. I don’t feel the least bit out of control at this moment. For now, Goldie is safe by my side, and it’s a feeling I want to hold on to.

“Dump it out for them. Spread it out,” I say, wanting her to do this for herself, so she feels that sense of accomplishment after caring for them. She shakes out grain for them but keeps a small handful for her new friend. She looks to me for reassurance, and I nod, before she scoops the little duckling up again, allowing it to nibble the feed from her palm.

“I think I might need to come back for a visit soon,” Goldie chuckles, talking to the duckling, more than to me.

“Once it’s old enough, you can take it with you back to our home,” I offer, not thinking about my words until I’ve already said them. I implied she’d be staying with us long enough for the duckling to grow, and I said our home. I meant ours, as in hers as well, but I’m not sure if that's how Goldie sees it yet. I want her to, but I’m trying not to overwhelm her. Not any more than she already has been.

Two mornings ago, she was waking up in a village where she was unwanted. This morning, she woke up in a home with her mates. The three Alpha monsters that she still doesn’t even know the truth of.

“Your home…” she whispers, so softly, that if I wasn’t a monster, with enhanced hearing, I wouldn’t have heard her. I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from correcting her. I need to be patient. I need to give her time to see it as our home. I’ve known about her for a very long time. She’s known me for less than twenty-four hours now.

“You said you don’t want to be a burden. I know what that’s like. Sometimes I feel like I don’t…fit. Or belong… I don’t know how to make a difference or live up to my brothers. They’re both so confident and sure of themselves. I envy that about them…” I trail off as I lead her over to the garden bench nearby. Ma likes to sit here and watch the animals. Growing up, I never felt like I couldn’t be trusted around them. Maybe I should have.

Goldie is quiet for a long moment. The little duckling now rests in her lap, and I find myself once again jealous of a damn duck. We’re sitting arm to arm, and I want to pull her against my chest, but I resist.

“I have been told for as long as I can remember that I’m a burden, a waste of space from my father and stepmother. They liked to remind me how incapable I am. I tried not to listen to them. I told myself that they were wrong. That they hated me because of who they are, and not who I am…but when you hear something repeatedly for sixteen years, it’s hard not to believe it.” Her voice is small and filled with sadness, as she looks out to the surrounding forest. One day, Cillian will make those two pay for what they did to her. My older brothers are both cunning and deadly. They’ll get Goldie her revenge, and I’ll help.

“They don’t deserve to be called your parents. You should have been shown love and compassion. Children are innocent. I’m sorry you went through that, Goldie. You’ll never be treated so poorly ever again, as long as I’m around,” I vow, as the instinct to soothe my mate courses through me. “No one can tell you, you're a burden, and only you can decide where you belong,” I add as I turn toward her. I spread my legs some, and my thigh brushes along hers. The tingle spreading from the contact is distracting, making me want to gather her to my chest, so I can comfort her with my purr.

“I want to do something that’s just for me. With no one telling me what they want from me, or taking away my choice. I want to know who I am when I’m not constantly being told I’m not good enough,” she says fiercely as she looks up at me, her blue eyes are filled with determination. Fuck, she’s so beautiful. I want to steal the fire of her words right off her lips, but now is not the time to kiss her. Soon, though, I hope.

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