Page 162 of The Keeper

You were so worried when you found me. You had this look on your face. I’d never seen you look like that before. It’s like you knew something happened. I hope you couldn’t feel it. I know we’re able to sense each other in some ways but my God, I hope you weren’t able to feel this.

Do you want to know what he said to me after he finished? He said I was the sweetest cherry he ever tasted. I wanted to throw up. And then he told me he wanted both of us at the same time. But he was glad he fucked the fun twin first. He said the other one, meaning me, wouldn’t be as much fun but would still taste just as sweet.

I hate him.

I hate what I did with him.

But I love you so much, Tori.

This summer, when we’re back in England, we’ll make new memories. You’ll meet Adam. We’ll all go to Black Rose and binge on Eton Mess, and have fish and chips with mayonnaise, and tease Dawn, and dream about the future. Just like we always do.

And Jordan McKennie will fade away, like a bad dream.

Victoria

Three weeks, five days, twelve hours, forty minutes, and ten seconds.

Not that I’m keeping track of how long it’s been since I read my sister’s final journal entry. Or how long it’s been since I’ve seen Xavier. Or how long it’s been since I’ve felt even remotely human.

I’d love to say I received closure for the years of torture I’d inflicted on myself over Charlotte’s death. I’d love to say I was finally at peace and could let go of all the guilt. And yes, I yearned to say I was blissfully happy and together with the man I love.

But no.

None of that was my current reality.

I can’t even say I had a fantastic time at the Met Gala. Killian and Max were so excited. They walked the red carpet and up the long flight of stairs like they were rock stars. There aren’t enough words to describe how handsome they looked in their all black tuxes.

Of course they fawned over me and told me I was the prettiest girl in the world. Best friends like Killian and Max are precious. As much as I’d tried to hide what I was feeling, they knew. But I haven’t told them what Charlotte wrote. I can’t break Killian’s heart. I just can’t.

I fidgeted with the ring hanging from my necklace. Xavier’s ring. The one he’d always wear on his thumb. Silver with an infinity design etched into the band.

“I love you,” he told me when he gave it to me. “Wear this every day. Touch it anytime you doubt how I feel about you.”

Those were the last words he said to me before meeting Bennet at the airport. I haven’t heard from him since and at this point, I probably never will. He’d been so enraged after reading about the bonfire and what Jordan did to Charlotte. Even through all the anger and vitriol he spewed about him, Xavier still tried to comfort me and make sure I was okay.

But then he dropped a bomb on me.

“He’s dangerous,” Xavier told me, holding my hands. “He knows who you are. He knows you’re with me. I never should have posted your photo the other night. It was impulsive and stupid.”

“Don’t be silly,” I told him. “You didn’t know all of this. And who cares anyway.”

“I do. He’ll come after you. He likes to take things that don’t belong to him.”

Things? I remembered looking at Xavier and wincing. “I’m not property.”

“To him, you are. And I can’t have you directly in his line of sight.”

“What are you saying?”

I vividly recalled the way he looked at me with such devotion and love and sadness. “Protecting you is my number one priority. I can’t protect you if I’m the reason he’ll come for you. We can’t be together right now, love. Not until I fix this.”

“You’re breaking up with me?”

“No, Tori. I’m shielding you.”

I fisted his ring in my hand, almost pulling it off the chain. How dare he sacrifice our relationship. How dare he make decisions that affect both of our lives. The same anger I felt after reading Charlotte’s words bubbled up for Xavier.

The two people I loved the most.

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