Page 109 of The Keeper

“Have you talked to him at all this weekend?”

Oh boy. I fidgeted with my hair. “Sorta.”

His massive eye roll resulted in a faint laugh from Max. “So what did you talk about?”

“Nothing.”

“Tori.”

“I’m being honest. We didn’t actually talk. We, uh, well I sent him a photo and he—“

“You sent dirty messages back and forth,” Killian cut me off. “Got it.”

“Do not shame me for having fun with this guy.”

“Nobody’s shaming anyone, baby girl. You like him. He likes you. You’re consenting adults. You can show him your lady parts all day if you want. But maybe you should cool it until some questions get answered.”

I raked my hands through my hair and paced the floor. He’s right. I should put the brakes on my extracurricular activities with Xavier. Then again, I should have done it weeks ago.

“Kinda hard to cool it when he’ll be here in a few days.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me?” he shouted.

“Re-fucking-lax,” I snapped.

“Guys. Knock it off.” Max positioned himself between us. “Babe, you need to reel it in.” He turned to me. “Victoria, I know you’re going through a lot of shit right now. Take a breath, both of you.”

Maxim’s stern but caring way of telling us to shut the fuck up worked. He and Killian have been together for almost six years so he’s quite used to our high-strung battles. Actually, he preferred to call them electric bitch fests. Max has always been the calming force when Killian and I get this way.

Except right now I didn’t feel as though I deserved anyone’s kindness. I just wanted to curl up on my couch and fade into nothing.

My pity party ended fast when Killian banded his arms around me. I leaned into the embrace, allowing myself to be comforted.

“I love you,” I muttered into his shirt.

“Love you more,” he whispered.

“If you bitches think I’m not getting in on this hug, you have another thing coming.” Max declared, wrapping his arms around both of us. We all looked down when Winston barked and ran circles at our feet. What a crazy little family we are.

Sleep decided to be an elusive beast. After tossing and turning for the better part of an hour, I got up, went out on my balcony, grabbed a blanket and curled up on the lounge chair. From up here, the city simply twinkled in the night. No sirens, no horns blaring, no people laughing or talking or shouting. Just lights, glass, and steel.

I had all kinds of relaxation tools I could use to quiet my mind and get a good night’s rest. Mediation apps, soundscape music, breathing exercises. They usually helped.

Despite spending most of the evening with two incredible, supportive friends, I bolstered my hearty self-loathing once I returned home by reading Charlotte’s diary entry again. I wondered why she never tore those pages out. Nothing else was written about the party. In fact, nothing else was written at all. Just blank pages.

After all the back and forth I put myself through over whether or not to read it, I still didn’t have any answers.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I had a starting point.

Most of our belongings from the main house sat in storage. I know for a fact Charlotte kept several diaries here as well. Maybe I’ll go after work one night this week and sift through some boxes.

Killian and Max urged me to check in with my therapist this week, too. I’d go to her sporadically over the years if I needed to talk something through about Charlotte. Last time I spoke to her was probably two months ago. So much has happened since then. Seems like now would be a good time for a chat. I grabbed my phone and sent her an email asking if she was available to see me this week.

A strange kind of numbness settled over me. I’m not used to numb. I’d rather deal with the persistent nervous energy that swirled around all things related to my sister. I could pace it off and be done with it.

Or bump into attractive soccer players on the side of the road.

My eyes closed as I wrapped the blanket around me. Xavier’s face appeared clear as day, his smile with the fatal charm simmering just beneath.

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