Page 140 of The Penalty

The strength of his stare made my cheeks flush, which then caused his breathing to stagger. Without missing a beat, he ran the pad of his thumb over my lips. A shiver skipped up and down my spine.

“You’re doing the thing again.” A wicked grin played on his mouth when he noticed my confusion. “Flipping the script on me. The push and pull.”

“Oh, you mean our little game of cause and effect. You make me blush, I make you forget how to breathe. Stuff like that.”

“Maybe.” His deep, soft laugh stirred the embers smoldering deep inside me. “Whatever you want to call it, I like it.”

Cupping a hand behind my neck, he pulled our foreheads together. I knew he was stalling. I knew he was avoiding the inevitable. Today has been explosive on so many levels. Taking this moment of solace seemed appropriate.

I pressed a hand to his chest. Xavier always felt strong and solid beneath my touch. The steady beat of his heart vibrated through my skin. Its rhythm invaded my senses, accelerating my longing to know every broken inch of him. Every shadow, every buried secret, every part of this beautiful, fractured, multilayered man.

Please don’t ever take your light away.

Holding him tighter, I silently vowed to pour as much of my light into his soul as I could. I didn’t have much, but what existed belonged to him.

“I was at the bonfire that night.”

Pain clawed at my insides hearing his admission as the intersection of our pasts sharpened into vivid reality. “Did you see her?”

“No.” A soft kiss brushed against my cheek. “I never saw her. But...” He released a shuddering breath. “Jordan and I got into a fight, as usual. Stupid shit. Football, girls. He mouthed off about Millie’s friends being there.” I stopped breathing. “Twins. He only said twins. I was hell bent on defending Millie, so I hit him again.”

He covered my hand with his, anguish lining his mouth.

“If I’d known what he was about to do, I never would have provoked him like that. I feel…maybe…”

Resting my fingertips on his lips, I silenced him. “We didn’t know one another back then. I’m not going to sit here and allow you to feel any responsibility for what happened. Charlotte made her own choices.”

Echoes of her decisions continued to reverberate through so many people’s lives. Tiny cracks of the aftermath spread along the fragile glass of time. Seeing the events of my teenage years through the lens of adulthood was something I’d struggled to achieve. My default was always to blame myself, drown in the ocean of guilt, and repeat the cycle.

This glimmer of clarity provided strength for me to say what I said next.

“Charlotte’s death tore my family apart because we let it. We never healed. All we did was allow the grief to consume what remained.”

“I know you now. I have a real fucking problem with him putting his hands on you and hurting you like this.” Agony twisted Xavier’s features while he gently stroked the bruised skin on my neck. “What he chooses to do to me is inconsequential. He will not touch you again. Ever.”

“It’s not inconsequential to me.” Tears burned at the corners of my eyes. “He said…he said there’s a lot the public doesn’t know about you. What did he mean by that?”

Shaking his head, Xavier slouched into the cushions. I’d never seen him look so distraught. Approaching this vault of secrets might not be the best idea right now.

“You don’t have to—”

“I do.” He rested his hands on my thighs. “I started to at your team’s celebration and I’ve put it off long enough.”

Anxiety settled in my stomach, bracing for what he’d say next.

“Millie and I dated when we were twenty-four. It only lasted about six months. I wasn’t what anyone would consider boyfriend material. I preferred things to be less serious and I pretty much did as I pleased. But we’d been friends for a long time and she seemed to understand what my preferences were, so, I thought it would be okay.”

“Did you—”

“No.” His thumb caressed my jaw. “I know what you’re going to ask, and the answer is no. She knew what I liked. We tried a few times but she wasn’t comfortable with actually doing it.” Another soft stroke of his thumb passed over my jaw. “I meant it when I said nobody has ever seen me the way you do.”

Too many questions flooded my mind. I took a deep breath, attempting to pacify my ever increasing pulse rate.

“Do you want me to continue?”

For once I didn’t fight against answering how he wanted. “Green.”

Several seconds passed before he spoke. “I’m going to sound like an absolute cad when I say this. And I want you to know, at the time, I was.”

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