Page 124 of The Penalty

“Does this happen to you often?” I asked, trying to disguise the shakiness in my voice.

“No. It only—” Our eyes locked through the screen, filling the air with electricity. “Thank you.”

“For teaching you how to breathe? It’s a hidden talent.”

His lips curved into the crooked, dimpled smile I adore but he still looked off. Seeing him like this shredded my heart.

Several quiet minutes passed between us before he broke the silence with, “I fucking miss you.”

“I miss you, too. Feeling a little better?”

He swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry for the…thing.”

“No need to apologize. You’d do the same for me.”

The intense stare he leveled at me stilled my heart.

“I would do anything for you, Tori. Anything. I’d risk it all for you.”

His words seared through me, imprinting on the deepest parts of my soul. But it wasn’t just what he said. It’s how he said it.

Undaunted.

Almost as though he’s daring someone to push him beyond his limits.

I did it for you.

I had to do something.

I relived it again.

“What happened tonight?” My question tumbled out soft and unforced. It hung in the air, suspended on twin pillars of curiosity and worry.

Xavier blew out a harsh breath. “Fucking McKennie. I got so goddam angry I lost it. I couldn’t stop myself from…”

My head spun. “Stop yourself from what?”

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Knocking him out again. I know. I shouldn’t have done it but…”

I gripped the phone tighter. “Why did—”

“Because I relived a memory and took it out on him,” he snapped. “It’s too much to get into on a video call. I just…I need you. I needed to see you, hear you. It’s the only way I can get myself right.” His lips formed a tense line. “Thing is Victoria, I’d do it all again. I’ll keep doing it. I won’t let him hurt you any more than he has.”

“This isn’t about me.” A dull pain spread in my chest. “And it’s not about my sister. You have to let go of this grudge. Or at least try.”

“No.”

I bristled at his sharp tone.

“How is it helping to keep such a tight grip on it?”

No answer. Only a cool, disinterested stare.

“It’s like what you said to me about the maybes and what ifs. Holding onto this anger won’t change what happened. You’ll just keep reacting without considering the consequences every time you see him.”

Don’t get me wrong. I wanted Jordan McKennie to suffer for what he did to Charlotte and Xavier. I didn’t want Xavier to put himself in situations where he’d either get hurt or do something he’d regret.

“There’s more to it than you know, love.”

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