Page 67 of Complete Me

“Were you stressed because of the steps involved or because you were remembering feeling left behind? Or not being needed anymore?”

The way he winces tells me I’ve hit the nail on the head. “All of the above? I really am trying to make it easier on them. But yeah, I guess between not having a job to occupy me and coming to terms with not being needed anymore, I’m struggling. And I can’t seem to help myself.”

He deflates, slumping back into the cushions, and it hurts my heart. “Maybe I can offer you an alternative to how you’ve been handling, or not handling, the stress. It might give you some relief, at least for a little while.”

He sits up, his expression interested and hopeful. “Yeah? What?”

“Have you tried meditation?”

Bjorn groans. “Yes. But I get restless and end up wandering off and organizing something, or cleaning the bathroom.”

I’m not at all shocked by this. “Some people find being restrained helps quiet their minds and allows them to focus, finding a calmness that eludes them otherwise.” I watch his face, trying to determine if he’s opposed to the idea, turned on, or indifferent.

His expression is thoughtful. “You mean shibari.”

I force myself to stay relaxed. If he rejects the idea, he’s not rejecting me or judging my interests. “Yes. Shibari. In conjunction with meditation, it can be a powerful tool. And it might help you. If you have questions, I’m happy to answer them. Or if you aren’t interested, we can never mention it again.”

“Okay. Fair. I have questions.” I nod encouragingly but stay quiet, letting him gather his thoughts. “So, how restrained are we talking? What if you tie me up and I hate it? What if something happens, like a fire, and we need to get out of the house, but I’m tied up? Is there any physical risk to me from being restrained? You know, other than the fire.”

I hold up my hand, and he stops. “You’ve asked some really key questions, and I don’t want to forget to address each of them. So how about I answer what you’ve already asked, and we can go from there?” He nods. “Restraints. I will only tie as much of you as you’re comfortable with. I usually start slowly with new models. Since this would be your first time as a rope bottom—” I look at him for confirmation, and he snorts at the term but nods. I raise one eyebrow.

Bjorn holds up his hands. “Sorry. Continue.”

“As I said, I start slowly. Maybe we only tie your wrists at first. Or just your ankles. If you’re feeling alright after that, maybe we tie your forearms together, or your calves, and stop there until you build up a level of trust.”

Bjorn shakes his head. “I’ve used handcuffs during sex before. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I’m just new to anything more advanced than that and not sure what to expect.”

I smile. “You being unsure is natural, but you hit the nail on the head. It also comes from a lack of trust. That’s normal too. You may trust me outside of the scene, but we’ve never played like this before. Hesitancy is perfectly normal. So we start with whatever you’re comfortable with. And if you don’t like it, we stop. No questions, no shame. You’ll have a safeword, and if you want to stop at any time, you use it. Or you can tell me in plain English.” I put my hand on his forearm. “You can tell me anything. Communication is vital, and nothing is too trivial to mention. Do you understand?”

Bjorn nods. “Yeah.”

“Good.” I watch him intently for any signs that this isn’t something he wants to pursue. “Depending on how restrained you want to be, I can make slipknots, or some other tie that you can undo yourself should something like a fire happen. I also have a rope cutting tool that I keep close for emergencies. To use your example, if a fire breaks out or you want out of the scene immediately, I can cut you out of the ropes quicker than I can untie you. Rope is replaceable. You aren’t.” That seems to ease a lot of the tension in his shoulders. I file that away, so if he agrees to try this, I remember to keep the cutter in his line of sight.

His expression turns thoughtful, his body relaxed. “So, once I’m tied, then what? We just untie me? That seems a bit pointless.”

“That depends on the reason for the scene. If I’m performing with a model for an audience, yes, that might be what happens. Privately, you and I, or you, Xander, and I might play a bit after you’re tied.” Heat flares in his eyes, so obviously that excites him. I file that away, too. “This time though, what I have in mind is a bit more tame. I’d bind you, then have you sit quietly, letting your mind and body calm so you can focus on the meditation. The rope will help you keep still, and I’ll be there to help you stay in the moment.”

“You mean you’ll tie me up in pretty rope and conduct a guided meditation?” His wry grin tempers the seriousness in his eyes. I can tell he’s intrigued by the idea but also wary.

“Basically.”

He smirks. “What would I be wearing?”

It’s a fair question, especially if he’s been researching online like he said. Most online information about shibari is designed to titillate. The rest is presented so matter-of-factly that it’s too easy for untrained individuals to attempt ties at home. They can end up injuring themselves or a partner because they’re unfamiliar with anatomy. Some end up damaging nerves in rope bottoms because they don’t know better.

But if Bjorn’s been looking on porn sites, his conception of what shibari is might be even more skewed in a lascivious direction. “Ideally, you’ll wear just your boxer briefs. But if you’d prefer to wear a T-shirt too, or some other form-fitting clothing, I can work with that.”

“When would we do this? I’m assuming you’d need to get things ready. You don’t just carry rope around with you.” He smirks, confident enough to tease.

“Not in the quantities you’re thinking.” The surprise on his face almost makes me laugh. “But I did grab some when I ran home yesterday. Tying knots is soothing. It settles my mind. Kind of like when a child rubs their thumb over the silky edge of a favorite blanket. It’s what drew me to shibari in the first place. When I saw my first live performance, I was drawn to the lines of the weave and the intricacies of the knots when everyone else was focused on the model.” She was beautiful, but rather than the rope accentuating her beauty, I looked at it the other way around. “I’m sure I have enough rope with me to do a small tie, depending on how bound you want to be.”

His eyes widen, and his lips part in anticipation. “Can we try it tonight? Now?”

My heart rate spikes. I’d assumed he’d want to think about it. But then again, this is Bjorn. Former SWAT member who threw himself in the path of a knife to save a stranger. Of course he’d want to jump right in. “There are a few things we’d need to cover first.”

Excitement pours from him, and I’m not sure if it’s the idea of trying something new or participating in something perceived as slightly dangerous or sexual. Maybe it’s simply a desire to find something that will actually decrease his stress. “Okay. That’s fine. Tell me.”

Carefully, I walk him through the questions I ask all new models, making sure he understands each one and I understand his answers. We might not be doing a full scene, but the information is still valid and sets the tone for the encounter. “I need you to take this seriously, Bjorn. I mean it. If you feel any pins and needles or numbness, anything that aggravates your side or causes you more than a three on the one through ten discomfort scale, you need to say something. I might be able to adjust things to alleviate the pressure. Today isn’t about pain or seeing how much you can take. This is supposed to be a meditation session. A little discomfort might help keep you in the moment, but it shouldn’t consume your full attention.” He nods. “Use your words. Do you understand?”

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