Page 38 of Complete Me

I stare into his eyes, seeing the brat gaining strength. Without raising my voice or moving, I cut him off. “If I say so, you won’t. I know you want to be good for me.”

It’s clear the moment when Xander remembers our conversation from the restaurant. His lips part in a silent ‘O’, and he glances at the plate in my hand, debating his next move. With a harrumph, he capitulates. “Fine. I’ll share.”

I smirk and take a small bite of the cake. It’s a delicious blend of nuttiness and rich, dark chocolate, combined perfectly with an espresso undertone, and it’s truly heaven on a plate. I hum my approval, then pass the dessert to Bjorn. “It’s good.”

He takes his own small bite and groans, all but killing what little composure I still have. “Oh, this is good.” His fork poised for another bite, Bjorn glances at a pouting Xander, then passes the plate back to him. “All yours, Doc.”

Xander snatches it quickly, settling into the corner of his loveseat, humming happily.

Bjorn all but sprawls across his club chair. “So, you mentioned wanting to talk to us about something. Is now good?”

After this little exchange, I’m even more certain we’re all on the same page. We just need some clarification. “I’d like you to hear me out before saying anything. And if you want to take some time to think about things, that’s fine. It’s probably wise.” If I thought I had Bjorn’s attention before, I was wrong. Both Xander and Bjorn are staring at me with such intensity that I’d laugh if I wasn’t so sure this conversation will be incredibly important to us.

“I don’t think any of us is much into labels. They add unnecessary rigidity to things that are naturally fluid. So I won’t use them. But if they make you more comfortable, that’s fine.” Curiosity lights Bjorn’s eyes. “These past weeks, it’s become abundantly clear why I was attracted to you the first time around. It’s also become apparent that nothing’s changed.” A soft smile curves his lips, and he nods but doesn’t interrupt. I turn to Xander. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you as well. It’s been more difficult for me to make a connection with you since we hadn’t known each other before. But I feel it now. I enjoy being with you.” Xander’s gaze softens. “With both of you.” Something sparks behind Bjorn’s eyes, and he leans in, gaze locked on mine. It makes it challenging to think, but I keep going. “I’m attracted to you both. Intellectually and sexually. I genuinely like both of you. And I’d like to explore what this could be. With both of you. Together.”

Xander untucks himself from the corner of the loveseat and places a hand on my knee. “When we first met I disliked you. But that was before I got to know you, even a little. And when we finally got a chance to talk and learn things about each other, I was blown away. I wasn’t expecting intelligence, and thoughtfulness.” He squeezes my thigh. “I wasn’t expecting you. You’re amazing. So smart, and handsome.” Xander’s smile turns wicked. “You have that whole dom thing going on that curls my toes.” Bjorn twitches in surprise, but he doesn’t say or do anything else. “I’m very attracted to you. And Bjorn, you’d have to be oblivious to miss my attraction to you. I love being with you, too. You’re sweet, and fun, and drop-dead gorgeous. Honestly, I genuinely like both of you.” He glances between us. “I want both of you.” He turns to Bjorn. “Can we have that? Do you want that? Could you want that?”

“Wow.” Bjorn’s body language is open and relaxed, and I take a breath, allowing myself to hope. “I… wow. Okay. I’ve tried dating each of you before, and it didn’t work. But what we lacked as individual couples, I’m pretty sure we have with the three of us together.”

Xander nibbles his lower lip. “But together how?”

“Together as friends, as lovers, as romantic partners. Whatever you want to call it is fine. We definitely have the friendship thing working. And, god, I’m so fucking attracted to both of you. I’m pretty much in a constant state of arousal whenever you’re around.” Xander snorts, and he relaxes even as my own concerns fade. This could actually happen. “See, here’s what I’m thinking. I need affection. Xander loves affection. Physical, emotional, verbal, all kinds of affection. We’re very compatible in that area. Kaino, you need much less, but we could give you however much you want to whatever extent you’re comfortable, whenever you need it. But you wouldn’t have to be part of that when you aren’t feeling it.”

I’m relieved he’s voiced that since it’s been my biggest concern. “That would eliminate so much pressure.”

“And Xander needs all kinds of attention.” At Xander’s squawk of protest, we both look at him. “Seriously, Doc. You know you do. And it’d be fine, because there would be two of us to give you all the attention you could want. It wouldn’t be all on one of us to be everything in that regard. And you two match intellectually. Not that I’m dumb, but you both love to go off on scholarly discussions, and let’s be real. They can get esoteric. I have zero interest in being part of that, and if the three of us are together, I don’t have to be.” I’m not sure if Bjorn’s trying to convince us or himself, but he’s making my arguments for me, so I don’t interrupt. “I’m not sure what to think about the dom comment, but hey, no judgment.” He grins, taking any sting out of his words.

Xander winks at Bjorn and jerks his head in my direction. “Ask them about watching, though.”

Bjorn’s head snaps around. “Excuse me?”

I raise an eyebrow at Xander. “Behave.” I turn to Bjorn. “We can discuss that later.”

“Yeah, I think we definitely need to have that conversation. But you’re right. Later.” Bjorn pulls his fingers through his hair and flops back into the chair. “I’m saying yes. I want the three of us together.” There’s a kind of happy shock on his face. “I’m in.”

Xander glances at me and then at Bjorn. “Just the three of us, right? No one else.”

I nod in agreement. “No one else.”

“Just us.” Bjorn’s laugh is a little wild. “That’s enough.”

Xander grabs my hand and reaches for Bjorn’s. “I want this, too. Please believe me. But I know myself. And I am the jealous type. So, I’m not sure how well this will work. Take tonight, for instance.” He looks at Bjorn. “You and I had a wonderfully romantic dinner once twinkzilla left us alone. And while I did wish Kaino was there, I very much enjoyed spending time with you by myself. But if I had to grade papers and miss a similar date that you and Kaino went on, I would probably be imagining all kinds of wildly romantic conversations and gestures of affection and end up feeling very left out.”

“It’s a real issue, and one that does cause problems in poly relationships.” At their surprised looks, I shrug. “I may have done a little research on the subject. And the answer is simple. Open communication.” I look pointedly at Xander. “No pretending everything is fine. If there’s an issue, we talk about it.” I shift in my seat and take a deep breath. “Since we’re talking about possible issues, I might as well bring up the biggest one for me.” I glance between Bjorn and Xander. “You won’t feel rejected if you want intimacy, but I don’t? Bjorn wasn’t wrong about that being an issue for us in the past. My sex drive isn’t high. It never has been. I enjoy being physical now and then, and I get aroused, but I don’t always need or want to act on it.”

Xander quirks an eyebrow. “What about when you dom?”

I laugh. “I prefer the term rope top. But yes, shibari can be quite intimate, and it requires complete trust in your partner. Many shibari pairs end up in romantic or sexual relationships. But I’ve never had the urge to be sexually or romantically involved with my models.” I wink at Xander. “I have been known to wrangle a brat or two in my time, though.”

“Speaking of feeling left out and slightly intimidated.” It’s said with humor, but there’s a truth to Bjorn’s tone. “I’ve never considered myself into much BDSM, past the occasional handcuffs or blindfold. Shibari seems daunting. I don’t think I’m into being dangled from the ceiling.”

I proceed cautiously, unsure of his preconceptions. “Shibari is something I enjoy, but that doesn’t mean you have to be involved.” I glance between them. “Either of you. But I’d ask that if I choose to find a new model to work with, you won’t object.”

“Of course not.” Xander seems offended that I’d suggest it.

Bjorn looks more thoughtful. “I’d need to know more about it, to be honest. Why you felt the need to get back into it.” Xander seems ready to come to my defense, but Bjorn holds up a hand. “If you get back into it because something’s lacking in our relationship, I’d want to know that. If it’s for some other reason, the discipline of the practice, or for artistic purposes, I could be okay with that. It’d depend on the why. I’m sorry if that sounds ridiculous. I don’t know much about it, so I could be completely talking out of my ass here.” He leans over and takes my hand. “I want to give you what you need. But I want the three of us to be enough.”

“That’s fair.” I grip his hand tightly. “And I’m happy to help educate you.” Xander and I have had more conversations about my shibari than Bjorn and I have, and he’s probably making some wild assumptions. “Initially, it was a way to help me work through some of my touch aversion. It’s mentally soothing. But I fell in love with the artistry and focus required.” I grin at him. “And to your earlier point, there can be suspension involved, but that’s not a prerequisite of shibari. There are also varying degrees of binding. It can be something as innocuous as a reminder knot around the wrist or ankle, all the way through full body ties and, yes, suspension. As with any part of kink, it’s whatever works for the people involved. There are no hard and fast rules. No must or must nots. It’s whatever the consenting adults involved want and agree to. And that can change as the participants become more comfortable with the practice and themselves.” I wink at him. “Plus, being tied is not a prerequisite for a relationship with me.”

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