Page 62 of Darkness

A few eyes glance up as we walk in. They give Trixie a head bob. Obviously, she’s done her job well. My eyes focus on Ivy, Nycto, and Void, who are sitting at the bar, drowning their sorrows in liquor. I’m the reason they’re drinking. While I feel bad, they’re the reason I am so damn angry.

We all have a part to play in this.

“Pres,” Trixie calls out.

Nycto swivels on his stool, along with Ivy and Void. They face me, and I cross my arms over my chest defiantly. I might be coming in here to clear things up, but I’m not coming in with my tail between my legs and rolling over.

Nycto throws what’s left of his drink down the hatch, then stands and walks toward me. “You’ve been crying?” He steps right up in front of me, his leather and sandalwood scent hitting right in my senses, causing me to waver slightly.

“What did you expect? You all played me like a damn idiot.”

Nycto’s eyes fall as he reaches out for my hand. I let him take it. That fucking spark I always have when he touches me ignites, slamming straight into my chest.

He curls up his lip like he’s inwardly berating himself before he speaks, “You have no idea what it was like hiding Ivy from you, Eva. Knowing I should tell you she was here. To stop the charade and unite you both.”

“Then why the hell didn’t you? You must understand why I don’t get it. You knew the pain I was in.”

His eyes meet mine, a pleading behind their gaze. “I’m fucking shit at how to do this, Eva. I’ve never, ever had a woman take my interest. So, when you came along, all I wanted was to make you happy. I knew Ivy was the key, and as soon as you guys were reunited, I wouldn’t even be a blip on your radar.”

“You don’t know that. How could you possibly know what I would have done? You didn’t even give me a chance. I would have been so grateful to you for taking her as well as me…” I pause and close my eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. “Don’t you see, Nycto? Yes, I would have wanted to spend my time with Ivy, but I would have been thankful to you also. We would have owed you so much. Now, I don’t know what to think.”

“I’m still the same guy, Eva. I took your sister to keep you together. You have to understand what I did. Keeping you from her, I did it for us.”

I roll my shoulders. “Nycto, I’m stuck in this clubhouse with you for probably the rest of my life and am unsure if I’ll ever be able to leave again, and right now, I can’t stand the sight of you. So, it’s best if we agree you did the wrong thing. You didn’t believe in me… now I can’t believe in you.”

Nycto tightens his grip on my hand. “Eva—”

“I’ll get my things from your room and move into another. I’m staying. Not for you… for the club.” I let go of his hand, then, with a parting nod to Trix, turn and walk off toward his bedroom.

My heart is heavy. I’ve been in Nycto’s room since I arrived. I don’t even know what it will be like not sleeping with him, not to mention I still have to deal with Ivy.

I have so much I need to do, but right now, I put one foot in front of the other. I have a long time in isolation here, so I have to take this at my own pace.

As I walk into Nycto’s room, the red light causes a hesitant smile to cross my lips.

I’ll miss the amazing sex.

I’ll miss waking up in his arms.

I’ll miss being in his presence.

But I need space.

And this is the only way I can get that.

I walk in, then stop. I don’t have a hell of a lot of things. A few sets of clothes in his closet that Freya and Pepper bought me. I have no identity. I’m just a package—a package meant to be sold. That’s all I am in this clubhouse. Stolen goods.

Maybe I would have been better off going wherever I was meant to.

I can’t think like that. Just because I’m upset with Nycto doesn’t mean he didn’t save me. He did. He just went about it all wrong. Now I need to try and find my place in this club.

The bedroom door flies open as I pull some of my dresses from the closet. My eyes snap up as Nycto storms inside in a gruff. He shuts the door softly behind him, not matching the anger in his features.

Turning, I face him. “Look, I get you don’t want me to go—”

“No, I don’t. I fucked up. I own that. But Eva, you’re being stubborn as hell. I put my life, my club… hell, every-fucking-thing on the line for you. Did I do this the wrong way? Sure. But you know who I am. Don’t try to disguise your hurt by saying you don’t know me or believe in me. That’s bullshit, and you know it. You’re scared because there’s something here, and you don’t want to seem like less of a person for accepting you still care about me, even with my faults.”

I throw my hands in the air. “You think I care about looking like less of a person? All those people out there see I’ve been played the fool this entire time. There’s nothing I can do about that. You think I’m angry because of how I look to everyone, Nycto? No. I’m angry because you lied to me time and time again, even when you knew I was struggling so badly. Do I want to be with you after that? It doesn’t matter because I can’t see a way how.”

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