Page 51 of Mayflower

He chuckles through his nose and finally turns to look at me. “You and food, Maddy.”

“What?” I frown at him.

He shakes his head, his gaze roaming my face. “Nothing. It can wait. I don’t want to move right now.”

“I can.” I start getting up, but he stops me. “No, give me a minute. I just want to stay here with you, like this.”

“Okay,” I say, cuddling up to him.

We said some good things the last time we were together. But we didn’t say enough. When I saw him at the Center earlier, when everyone was greeting him and he was talking to Sonny, the way he looked at me when he started approaching, made me suddenly too aware of myself and my silly tears. His hesitant gaze made me think that maybe he didn’t expect to see me there, wasn’t sure what I would say. As if he didn’t know how I feel.

Maybe I should tell him. Because he won’t, even if he feels the same.

“What you said at the hospital when Sonny took the pills, you were wrong about me,” I say, stroking his chest, wanting to touch him endlessly. It’s been ten days since that hospital fight, the first kiss. Nine days since his kidnapping, and it feels like a lifetime ago. “You said that I would’ve never been with you if it weren’t for your blackmail.”

His body stiffens.

I rise on my elbow and meet his eyes.

“When we met,” I continue, “I might have been on the defense. You seemed so hostile, but something about you drew me in from the moment I saw you. I know it. You know it. You felt it, too. At the hospital ward, when you came in with Archer after Carnage… I have known it ever since. We were inevitable, Rave. If not for your blackmail, we would’ve collided. Eventually, we would have. You might not believe in destiny, but before the night at Bangkok, when you told me you knew who I was and set the price for keeping my secret, I knew that somehow we would’ve ended up together. Tell me I’m not crazy for thinking that.”

He’s silent. His eyes might say a hundred things, but I want him to talk.

“Say something,” I whisper.

“When I told you I’m not sorry for blackmailing you, Maddy, I was honest. If I hadn’t, I don’t think there’s an alternative version where I would have a chance with you.”

My heart falls.

“I’ve never met anyone like you, Maddy,” he says. “I’ve never met a strong person who could stand up to me and stand next to me, not afraid, not cowering away, and willing to go hand in hand. Until you, Maddy. I never met someone who could make me feel so powerful. Until you. And I never was as vulnerable as I was with you.” He goes quiet for a moment and licks his lips before he continues. “I’ve never felt as low as I did when we didn’t talk. Or so turned on when you were next to me. Or angry. Or jealous. Or happy. I haven’t met so many versions of myself until you. All my life, I was this one straight bullet, sharp and fast, ripping through everything in my way, heading in one direction. Until you, Maddy. When I met you, suddenly, there was another way my life could go. With you. It felt surreal. It felt like a wild fantasy. It was overwhelming.”

“I love those versions of you,” I say.

“Not the angry one.”

“Oh, yeah, the angry one, too. That’s when you forget that you are supposed to be this cool calm guy and you let your emotions out.”

He shakes his head, looks at me thoughtfully, and I can’t stop admiring him.

Falling in love is like acquiring an extra sense. Everything about the other person becomes special.

The way he bites the inside of his cheek, thinking over my words.

The way his strong hand with bruised knuckles rests gently on my bare hip.

The way his muscles ripple when he shifts his shoulders. They do the same when he makes love to me.

The way he rubs the thumb on his left hand over the fingertips, then rubs it back and forth over the two stubs.

“I want to make you smile more often,” I say, brushing my fingertips against his lips. “I like it when you smile.”

He doesn’t. I try to tickle him. He only shifts away, the corners of his lips curling just a tiny bit.

“Maddy baby, you can be very annoying.”

“I’m serious, Rave. I never told you, though I probably should’ve. I love you.”

Instantly, he freezes, sucks in his cheeks, not looking at me.

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