Page 7 of Spinning Out of Control

“I…” I swallowed hard, then pointed to the couch. “Can I sit down?”

“Yes, of course,” Teracht said with a gracious wave of one of his more human-like hands. I took my spot on the couch again.

“Since the accident, a lot of people make weird assumptions about me too. That I can’t hear them or see them when they look at me or whisper about me. Or that because my face is messed up, it means I’m stupid. They talk louder and slower or treat me like a kid.” I hadn’t yet said these words out loud, but as they came out of my mouth, I felt the weight of them slump my shoulders. “Even the people who know me treat me differently. But I’m still the same person I was before that.”

“Are you?” Teracht asked, making his way along one of the lines of webbing to hover next to me like he had earlier.

“Am I what?”

“Are you the same person that you were before you were in your accident?”

I started to say “Yes,” but it caught in my throat as I stared into the eight dark eyes holding mine. I swallowed, feeling like a golf ball was suddenly lodged behind my Adams apple. “I… I don’t know,” I confessed. “I haven’t really felt entirely like myself since it happened.”

Teracht was silent for a moment before he rested his chin on his folded arms, gazing at me. “I don’t know Caleb Webster, either who he was before the accident, or who he is now. Why don’t you tell me?”

I blinked in surprise. “Tell you who I am?”

Teracht nodded. “I don’t know any differently, so it’s not like I will contradict you.”

That made a laugh bubble in my chest. “I guess. Um…” I licked my lips slowly, suddenly unsure what I should say. “What do you want to know?”

Teracht thought for a long moment. “What are you most afraid of?”

“Wow, jumping in with both feet here,” I couldn’t help but mutter, feeling the color flush from my cheeks. Teracht just looked back at me expectantly. I hesitated, fingers tangling into the knees of my pants as I gave some thought to his question. “I know a lot of people are afraid of death. But I don’t think I am. At least, I’ve accepted it’s going to happen one day. But I guess…” I looked up into Teracht’s eyes, and his expression was kind. “I’m sort of afraid of what’s happening to me. That I’m living, but I’m not really living, you know?”

Teracht was silent for a moment, and I wondered if maybe I had confused him, when he spoke up. “You feel trapped. Like the world is moving without you, and you’re missing out on it.”

“Yes!” I said, sitting up a little more. “That’s it. Ever since the accident, I feel like I’m stuck in one place while everybody else moves on.”

Teracht smiled, but it wasn’t a happy one. There was something sorrowful in his dark gaze. “There’s life to live, but you’re afraid to live it, because maybe it’s not what you expect?”

Heat flooded my eyes unexpectedly, and I had to take a deep breath to keep the sudden tears from making it past my lashes. “Yeah,” I said softly. “Or because I’m not what I expect anymore.”

Teracht nodded slowly, and he reached out one of his human hands to brush something off of my face with the back of one finger. A tear had broken free and tracked down my cheek. “I know exactly what that feels like,” he said. “I came here, to this world, and I’ve hardly explored any of it. Because what if people are not all right with me? What if I scare people, or do something that makes them think all monsters are bad?”

“I don’t think you’re scary,” I said quietly.

Teracht smiled at that. “I don’t want people to be afraid of me. And I don’t want to be afraid of people.”

“Are you afraid of me?” The words came out before I had even thought about them, and I wished I could drag them back. If Teracht said yes, my worst fear about myself, that I was scary and unlikable, would come true.

Teracht stared at me for a moment before his hand reached out and pressed lightly to my left cheek. “Not at all.”

The words broke me in a way I wasn’t expecting, and shame flooded me as tears spilled down my cheeks, burning hot on my skin. Teracht frowned and stroked them away with his thumb, being extra gentle as he touched my scarred right cheek. “Why are you crying?” he asked, sounding concerned, as if he had said something to offend me.

I reached up to touch his hand on my cheek. “I don’t know.”

Teracht stared back at me for a long moment, not moving, before he slid forward, taking both of my cheeks gently in his hands. His one on my scarred right side was feather-light, conscious of not putting pressure on the wounds. “May I kiss you?” he whispered.

“Yes.” I didn’t move or tear my eyes from him. My heart just picked up a little in my chest, my left hand pressing his hand closer against my cheek.

Teracht leaned in and touched his lips to mine. It was soft and sweet and shy, barely a brush over my mouth, his head angled to press more to the left side than the right. He started to pull back after only a moment, but my hand tightened around his, and he paused. I pressed my own mouth back, keeping it light in return. I hadn’t kissed anyone like this since high school, so gentle and innocent, barely a brush between us, our breath mingling on the other’s cheek. And it had been so long since I had been touched by another person. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much I missed physical contact, and especially more intimate touches than just doctors or physical therapists.

Teracht slowly pulled away, his cheeks a delightful blush, as his hands left my face. “Was that all right?” he asked, ducking his head and biting his lower lip nervously. He had gorgeous lips, I noticed again, now curious if actual spiders had lips too. I was not about to Google that right now though.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah. Thank you.”

Chapter 4

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