Page 21 of Spinning Out of Control

Teracht nodded solemnly, not letting me go yet. “It makes me sad that anyone would hurt you, Caleb.”

I smiled softly. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

Teracht pulled back just enough so he could look down into my face, his hand sliding up to hold my cheek. “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” I said, forcing myself to smile. I didn’t like him looking so concerned and upset. “I’m all right, Ter, I promise.”

Teracht leaned down and kissed me gently. And, for a reason I could not pinpoint, something about that kiss broke me. I felt a lump in my throat that choked me as heat gathered behind my eyes, and suddenly I was crying. Teracht’s arms around me tightened and held me close, and I couldn’t stop. Deep, gasping sobs tore at me, and I felt the hot glide of tears over my cheeks and jaw. The fingers on my left hand curled tightly on Teracht’s chest, pressing there like I wanted to absorb into him. My scarred cheek pressed to his shoulder, so smooth and gentle against my skin.

I couldn’t say why I was crying then. I had shed a few tears here and there during my recovery, but I had not ever sobbed the way I was now. My brain was full of everything and nothing at the same time. I was angry, and lost, and in so much pain, and struggling with how I was supposed to feel. Taking the loneliness, the cruelty, and the shock of dealing with such a life-changing event, and then topping it with Teracht’s genuine concern for my well-being hit me like a bolt of lightning, sending every emotion in my body into overdrive. I don’t know how long we sat like that as I sobbed. I didn’t think I had ever cried that hard in my life. Sobs that shook me and made me ache all over. Tears that made my cheeks tingle with a strange, hot numbness. I felt oddly aware of everything about myself, every bit of pain, every imperfection, every inch of intact skin that told a completely different story from the one I was living. But he just held still, the rise and fall of his chest the only movement as he held me in his embrace.

It was a long time before the tears stopped, and even longer before I finally pulled myself off of Teracht’s chest, realizing my crying had left wet patches and trails down his skin. “S… Sorry,” I said, trying hard not to snuffle as I scrubbed at my face with the back of my hand.

Teracht shook his head. He was gazing at me with all eight of his eyes half-lidded and gentle. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I do. This is the second fucking time I’ve cried at your house, and I’ve only been here three times.” My cheeks still tingled as I spoke, the corners of my mouth feeling stiff with saltiness.

“Caleb.” My name in his voice was soft and soothing. “You do not have to worry about crying around me. It is only us here.” Teracht’s hand slid up to stroke over my cheek. “I will not ever judge you for crying.”

That caused a few more tears to spill down my face. How could someone be so kind and yet so terrified of the world at the same time?

Teracht kissed me gently. “I’ll be right back.”

I nodded, and he got up, skittering away swiftly into the kitchen. I tried to straighten my hair and brush the tears off my face, then nearly lost it again when Teracht returned with a paper towel for me to blow my nose and a damp cloth to wipe my face. “God, thank you,” I said, taking them gratefully.

Teracht nodded, waiting until I had put myself back into some semblance of order. “What else do you need?”

I exhaled softly. “Just you.”

He blinked, then slid onto the couch. He adjusted around until he was stretched out on it, looking a little awkward, but then he held out his arms to me, and I curled into them. “Is this all right?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Do you have to go home tonight?” he asked.

“No.”

“Then, stay with me?” It sounded like a question, the way his voice went up, and I nodded slowly.

“Okay.” My heart gave a little skip in my chest as I realized he was asking me to stay over at his house. We weren’t even sleeping together yet. That thought made me smile a little, but my sobbing had wrung me out to dry, and I was suddenly exhausted. “I might fall asleep here on you.”

“I want you to.”

I shifted to glanced up at Teracht. “You do?”

Teracht nodded and kissed my forehead. “You are comfortable, and I like touching you.”

“I like touching you too,” I said and curled closer into his embrace, feeling several of his willowy legs wrap lightly around me, keeping me close. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, closing my eyes sounded great. I cuddled into his chest, and I was asleep within minutes.

It was dark outside when I woke up. I opened my eyes slowly, finding myself still curled in Teracht’s arms on the couch.

“Are you awake?” he asked suddenly, and I jumped.

“Shit. Yeah, I’m awake.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. It was after 2am. “Sorry. I probably woke you too.”

“I do not need to sleep as often as you,” Teracht said as I sat up, trying to clear the fog from my head.

“So, you’ve just been holding me on the couch for hours?” I asked. He nodded. “Okay, that’s not creepy,” I said, giving him a teasing grin.

---