Page 42 of Spinning Out of Control

It was not an inappropriate request. We were dating, after all, and dates tended to happen outside of a single location. My stomach fluttered nervously. “Is it because you hope people will be too distracted by me to pay attention to you?” I asked, trying to cover the discomfort at the thought of going outside into the world.

Caleb let out a splutter, his cheeks turning red. “No!” he said. “I wouldn’t ever want you to feel that way!”

I laughed and leaned in to give him another kiss. “I’m teasing you,” I said. Though now that I had said it, I wasn’t completely sure I was. People would likely look at me before noticing Caleb, and I was more monstrous by comparison. But he had already done so much for me. This was a step I could take to help him, and he wasn’t going to leave me alone. We would face the world together. I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “Okay. Yes. As long as you are with me.”

Caleb held my hand tightly. “If you can take a break on Monday, we could go out for lunch. It’s supposed to rain, and it’s a weekday, so most places shouldn’t be very busy. And we can go to some place we know is monster friendly. You can even choose the location if you want.”

“I would like that,” I said. Cael would know of a place that would be good to go. Caleb leaned in and pressed his mouth to mine. I reached up to hold his cheeks gently as I returned the kiss. When we both pulled back to breathe, I stared into his eyes, seeing my own midnight ones reflected there. There was another thing I had been thinking about all week besides chasing him and harnesses, and I licked my lips nervously. “Caleb, is it too soon for me to say that I love you?”

Caleb blinked, staring at me for a moment, and my heart stuttered in my chest. Had I said the wrong thing, and now he was going to be upset?

“I… Ter, that’s… You do?” His cheeks were bright red.

I nodded slowly. “I think so. I’m not entirely sure, of course. I’ve never been in love. But I know that I like you a lot, and I want you to be my boyfriend, and I’m happy when you’re around me, and you make me feel good, and I want to make you feel good, and maybe that’s love, but maybe it’s not, and I don’t-.” I cut myself off. I was overthinking it, and that wasn’t helping either of us. “No, I’m sure of it. I love you.” Caleb’s face was flushed, his skin hot under my touch. “It’s all right if you don’t. I just want to be honest with you.”

He nodded, and I felt tension in my stomach as I waited for him to say something. I didn’t expect him to say he loved me back. It probably wasn’t even fair of me to put him in that position. He was a human, and he could walk away any time he wanted, and go back to a relatively normal life. My life would never be like that. There would always be pieces of me that would never be ‘normal’ or ‘human,’ no matter how much I learned or tried to adapt to this world. I would always be an outsider to some, a threat, a monster.

Caleb exhaled softly, squeezing my hand. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” I said. My chest felt too tight. Had I ruined our relationship by saying words I wasn’t supposed to? Did he not feel the same way?

“No, I… Teracht, I care about you, a lot. You’ve made me feel things that I haven’t felt, well, ever. Even before my accident. And the ways you’ve touched me and talked to me and treated me, it’s been… I don’t know, it’s been so helpful. You’re so honest and kind, even when I was a total asshat to you when we first met. And I can’t express how much that means to me.” Caleb grinned sheepishly. “And now I’m rambling too, but I think what I’m trying to say is, I love you too.”

Heat burned behind all eight of my eyes. I couldn’t cry, but if I could, I would be right now. “Caleb.”

He was in my arms, holding me around the neck as our lips meshed together in a passionate embrace, his hand tangling lightly into my hair, and I mirrored the action in his. We stayed there for a long time, just holding onto one another, letting our warmth mingle and skin touch, before Caleb finally pulled away, giving me a playful poke in the side. “All right, all right, you have a harness to buy. You better get rush shipping on that.”

I gave him a bright smile and winked one of my eyes at him. “Yes, sir.”

Chapter 15

Caleb

I stayed over Friday night with Teracht, curled up next to him in his web. I woke up Saturday morning to a phone message from the director of one of the local branches of a disability advocacy group; she wanted to know if I was available to meet for coffee on Sunday morning, as she was going to be in Edgewind. I called her back, and we set up a meeting for the next day. Teracht immediately sent me home, saying he would get things prepared for our game Sunday evening.

I needed a haircut. My hair stylist, Lynn, was surprised to hear from me after so long, but she squeezed me in at her house that evening when I offered to bring her a bottle of her favorite fancy wine that she couldn’t usually afford. She was a little shocked at my appearance at first, but as soon as I mentioned that I had a new boyfriend and that he was a monster, she wanted all the details, and we spent the evening chatting like we used to. Apparently, she had been flirting with a couple monsters on the app too and was working on setting up first dates with a few of them. I hoped she’d be as lucky as I had been.

I went through my wardrobe of nicer clothes that I hadn’t touched in months. Most of my outfits from before the crash had become impractical overnight. I had resorted to wearing clothes that were easy to pull on and off with one hand without rubbing on my scars, which usually meant they were baggy and not flattering. Finding something that looked nice and that I could get on and off easily took much longer than it should have.

I met with Theresa on Sunday. She was a double amputee who had lost her legs below the knee to a rare form of bone cancer. She worked for National Disability Advocacy, which was created for people who had lost limbs and were adapting to the changes that came with it. They did work both within local communities and nationally to educate people and businesses in how to support individuals dealing with physical or mental disability. I had run across a few groups like this since I had gotten out of the hospital, but my mental state had never been in a place where I felt it was productive to talk to any of them. It was a lot to add on top of the sudden changes I encountered directly after the crash, and I had struggled for a while. I confessed that to her over our lattes.

“That’s very understandable and very common,” she said as she nibbled at her cranberry-apple muffin. “Our whole system doesn’t do the best job at preparing people for those sorts of changes. That’s why we’re here, to help support people who have questions or needs that are not being addressed, and to make lawmakers aware of what they can do to positively impact those living with impairments.”

“I like the idea of having a place I could go to, even if I didn’t have a disability, to learn more about how people are affected,” I said thoughtfully. “I’m sure my partner would like resources like that too.”

“Your partner?” Theresa asked.

I flushed. Not everyone was all right with monsters, I reminded myself. But Theresa was so kind and understanding that I found myself telling her about how I met Teracht, and all of the kindness he had shown me when I was so down on myself and felt like giving up. When she found out my boyfriend was a monster, her hazel eyes lit up. “Oh! It’s still being fleshed out, but there’s been some talk recently for NDA to potentially offer services for monsters too. Would you be interested in more information about that when I have it?”

“Yeah! That sounds really interesting,” I said. “I’m sure Teracht would be interested in hearing about it too. He might even have some ideas.”

“We’d love that,” Theresa said eagerly. “What does he currently do?”

I told her, without going into the sexy details, of course, about the webs that Teracht spun for the military and medical research. I explained the comfort I felt on my own damaged skin from Teracht’s webs, and she was curious to find out more about the research. We parted with a plan for her to reach out to me later in the week after she had met with the regional office team. I texted Teracht to tell him how my talk with Theresa had gone. He seemed even more excited about it than I was and promised to provide a web sample for me to bring to my next meeting with her.

That evening, my heart was beating so loudly in my chest as I approached Teracht’s front door that I almost couldn’t hear myself knock on it. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, battering like they wanted to get out. He had texted me to be ready to start the game as soon as I walked in the door. I had no idea what that would entail, if I would just enter and then immediately get jumped by a giant spider. I hoped that wasn’t the case. As eager as I was to try the strap-on toy that he had overnighted, I figured we both would want to stretch the game out at least a little bit. I trusted Teracht, and I knew that even if there were moments where I was afraid, he would not hurt me. The times we had done things together had been amazing, better than any of my previous hookups, and his communication and checking in was reassuring. I trusted him completely and knew that he only wanted me to enjoy it. But I still felt like I was about to encounter a jump scare in a horror movie, knowing it was coming but not sure what to expect.

The door opened, and Teracht smiled at me. “Hello, pet.”

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