Page 131 of Root

Not out of any spurt of anger or anything, but a spot of goodness.

Unlike my cousin, I’m not about to let the most profound thing in my life walk out the door.

I’m not about to let the woman who’s climbed inside every fucking part of me go.

What the fuck was Nikolai even thinking all those years ago when he not only let Rose go, but pushed her out the fucking door?

I was young, still a punk, but I never got it.

But maybe I do now.

This is different, but I think I get it.

The darkness in him allowed him strength to push Rose from him, give her what he’d robbed. Freedom.

She came back.

Would Jessie?

I want to say yes.

I do. But as I watch the cops stop her, as I planned, from the safety of my car, I know I can’t say yes.

Not for sure.

Jessie’s too damaged in a way. It’s that damage that makes her fucking beyond strong. It makes her able to walk into a room full of murderous, organized assholes and try to bluff them so I’m okay and to rescue her brother.

It makes her able to walk away from me.

She loves me.

I feel it everywhere, in my bones, my soul, my heart.

She fucking loves me.

Like I love her.

And, if I was a better man, I’d set her up with money, a new life, without me. I’d let her walk the fuck away.

I’m not.

I know all this about her and I’m angry. Fury spits acid in my veins.

Someone that strong, someone who holds damage of a fucked up life at her core and can be so amazing, can do what she did to me earlier and walk away because emotions are messy. Those are both things that make you stronger and vulnerable.

Fuck. She reminds me of someone.

Fucking Nikolai.

How the hell are Rose and I so much more together and mature?

Okay how the hell is Rose so much more mature and together, and how the hell can I see this but not Jess?

I bet Dante can see that, too.

Of course he can. He’s a cat.

And I’m not anywhere near man enough to let her go.

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