Page 46 of Tormenting Me

“Work?” I say, looking over at the clock.

“Only if you’re good,” he says, patting my thigh.

“Promise.” I lie, leaning over and kissing his cheek, “go, before you’re late.”

I’ve been zoning out a lot at work today. The voice crept back in soon after my arrival. I hate I can’t shake the idea that Wes could easily find someone to fuck him and give him what I didn’t. Even though I know he wouldn’t cheat, my subconscious reminds me I’m nothing special.

Atlas and I restock the shelves with the new special edition books up front, so they catch the eye. Atlas notices that something’s bothering me. I sit quietly in the corner, engrossed in my latest splatterpunk read, getting lost in all the gory details. Atlas steps in front of me and snatches my Kindle from my hands. His eyes narrow in frustration.

“Hey,” I whine, reaching for it.

“Talk,” he demands, his tone filled with concern. “Or, I swear, I’ll call your husband to come and dick you down in the bathroom.”

I let out a sigh, exasperated. “Atlas, for fuck’s sake. Sex is not a cure-all for every problem,” I roll my eyes, trying to dismiss his suggestion.

“It’ll take your mind off whatever is going though your head,” he whispers, pulling me into a hug. I find myself surrendering to his embrace, seeking solace in his presence.

Deep down, I know Atlas is just trying to help. It’s like my mind is stuck in a loop, endlessly analyzing and questioning everything.

How do I make it stop?

“La La, tell me.” Atlas presses.

I inhale deeply, then exhale, letting go. “We stayed up late, having sex, and I’m still sore, so when he tried to…start things this morning…I kind of turned him down.”

“He didn’t force you, did he? I will cut a motherfucker if he did.” Atlas’s face hardens.

“No, he didn’t. He said, If you say no, then we stop.” I say. “But it’s what he said after that has me overthinking. He said, I have forever to fuck you, Layne. I don’t just think about myself. It made me feel like he was maybe upset.“ I lean in and sob into Atlas’s chest, feeling relieved and dumb all at the same time.

Atlas holds me tighter, his arms in a comforting embrace as I let out my pent-up emotions. He strokes my hair gently, offering me a safe space to share my concerns. Atlas has always been my safe space. Even now that I have Wes, I rely on him so much to help me process all the shit that goes through my head.

“I can understand why you’re feeling overwhelmed,” Atlas says softly, his voice filled with empathy. “But remember, communication is key in any relationship. Have you talked to Wes about how you’re feeling?”

I shake my head, sniffing back my tears. “Well, I tried, but I couldn’t find the right words. I don’t want him to feel guilty or pity me. I said I was fine, so he would go to work. Now all day long my thoughts have been telling me he is going to fuck someone else because I didn’t.”

Atlas sighs, his thumb tracing soothing circles on my back. “Layne, I see the way he looks at you. Trust me, that man will never cheat on you. He worships the ground you walk on. Letting go of the fear means sharing vulnerabilities. Wes loves you, Layne, and all he wants to do is understand what you’re going through.”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “You’re right, Atlas. I need to have an honest conversation with him and explain how I’m feeling. I don’t want him to think it’s about him, because it’s not.”

Atlas nods in agreement. “Let him know it’s about your need for healing. And remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. Don’t feel guilty.”

I wipe away my tears, feeling a sense of clarity wash over me. “Thanks, Atlas. What would I do without you?”

He smiles warmly, his eyes filled with compassion. “Be lame?” He shrugs, “Anytime, La La. We all have our moments of doubt and confusion. Know that you’ve got me, always.”

I take a deep breath, feeling slightly better. I snatch my kindle back from him and continue reading. The words I want to say to Wes playing over and over in my head, knowing I desperately need to let him in.

Wes: I’m on my way to get you.

Ten minutes remain until closing time as I’m working the closing shift tonight. I have everything planned out for what I’m going to say to Wes. I even practiced with Atlas, that’s how prepared I am.

You can do this, Layne. It’s just your feelings, and Wes is your husband. You can talk to him about anything.

I make my way to the back office with the cash bag to put it in the safe. I file all the receipts and set everything out for Kris in the morning. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I reach under my skirt and slip a blade from its sheath. My knife at the ready, I pivot right into Wes’s chest.

The tip of my blade is at his throat and all he does is smirk. “Nice to see you too, baby.”

Adrenaline courses through my veins, my breathing quickening. I was inches away from plunging the knife into him. “You shouldn’t sneak up on your wife. I could have killed you.” I say with my eyebrow raised. Wes’s hand grips my wrist and drags the blade down slowly, grazing it against his skin and I feel him shiver.

---