Page 34 of A Broken Throne of Bronze

My past. Not my future.

I swallow the lump in my throat. That thought feels like a betrayal.

Because I know Loren loves me. He wants a future with me.

But the future he wants, and the future I want are not the same. And they never will be.

Tears gather in my eyes, a new, burning lump forming where air should be. I let out a breath. But my breathing only quickens and I gasp for air at the onset of my tears.

I scramble from my bed, so forcefully that I nearly trip. I wish that I had fallen asleep. That I didn’t have this realization.

I wish I never went to the stables that fateful night. That I never saw Loren or Viridian. That Theelia never bestowed her blessing on us, and I could go back to the way things were before.

I’m out the door and into the hall when my movements slow.

But would that have made me happy? Would I have been satisfied with the way things were before?

The sinking feeling in my stomach tells me that this would have happened anyway, regardless of whether I was brought to High Keep. Though, our current circumstances only seem to exacerbate this disconnect between Loren and me.

Maybe it’s better this way, I reason with myself. Maybe this spares us both from more pain.

I don’t know if I believe that.

Needing to move, I weave through the halls. Too caught up in the guilt eating away at me, I don’t pay attention to my surroundings.

Until I find myself outside.

Glancing over my shoulder, I stare at the castle behind me. High Keep looms overhead, making me feel so much smaller than I already do. Now that I’m out here, in the fresh night air, I finally let my tears fall.

My feet carry me forward while my shoulders shake.

I curse Theelia, for making her will be known.

I curse my mother, for dying and setting all of these events into motion.

And I curse myself, for not realizing how incompatible Loren and I are sooner.

“Can’t sleep?”

Wiping my tears with the back of my wrist, I spin around.

Sweat gleaming at his brow, Viridian stands before me, loosely holding onto a horse’s reins. A midnight stallion waits next to him, releasing a gentle huff from its nostrils.

“No,” I say, my eyes flicking between him and the horse. “And you?”

“No.” He sighs, a long expression wearing down his face.

I press my lips together, looking away.

Viridian dips his chin slightly, understanding crossing his features. I expect him to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he continues ahead, lightly tugging the horse’s reins. The creature responds, trotting alongside him.

He passes me, and I turn around to watch him. The sweat on his back makes his white shirt slick against his skin—revealing a clear outline of his back. Illuminated by the moonlight, his broad shoulder blades flex with his slight movements. And his ass…

Biting my lip, I avert my gaze.

Viridian pauses, looking back at me over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”

“Uh—sure.”

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