Page 86 of Why Not Both?

“Spencer. Are you…” she hesitates.

But I already know what she’s going to ask. And this time, I’m not afraid to say it out loud. I’d tell Lis tomorrow if she’d let me. “Yes. I’m in love with her.”

“Since when?”

I laugh. “I don’t know. The first night we met? Some time during the summer? You know how in Pride and Prejudice, Darcy says something like I was in the middle before I knew I had begun?”

Vic looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “You’ve read Pride and Prejudice?”

“Of course not. I watched the movie. With Keira Knightley. Anyway, it’s like that. By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to stop it.” I lift a shoulder in a helpless shrug. “Pretty sure I wouldn’t have stopped it even if I could.”

We stand there without talking for a while and then I tap the box I’m looking at. “This is the one. What else do I need?”

“Cutlery.”

“Right. Let’s go find some.”

I start to push the cart in the direction we need when Vic grabs my arm.

“You’ll be okay, right?”

“I will. I’ve always got you.”

She holds up her pinky finger. “No matter what.”

I link mine with hers. “Even when I fuck up.”

When I try to let go, she holds on. “And even when you don’t.”

Chapter 31

Lis

As the days pass, I try to bury myself in my work to keep from talking to Spencer. I take transit home or finish before he does and walk by myself. It’s far lonelier than I expect it to be.

Spencer doesn’t push. He gives me the space I’d asked for and now I’m getting tired of it. Nothing is resolved between us, but I miss my friend. I miss laughing with him and hiking and watching movies. I would even do the Grouse Grind with him again if it meant we could have back that easy relationship we’d had before.

Daze tells me, often, that I’m the only one getting in the way. And by the next weekend, I’m finally starting to believe her. But on Friday, I notice a shift in Spencer’s demeanour. He doesn’t smile and he doesn’t talk to me at all. He spends as much of the day in his office as he can while still coordinating the rehearsal dinner that night. Saturday is the same, but worse. On Sunday, I bake him some cookies.

I’m the one who put the space between us and now I’m not sure if I’m allowed to ask him what’s wrong. So I just go into his office without a word. He looks up, his eyes haunted the way I’ve only seen them once before. I set the box of cookies on his desk and then leave.

I don’t work on Monday or Tuesday. But when I go for my morning run, I stop by to see if he’s working. On Monday, he is and I give him a batch of cinnamon rolls I’d baked that morning. On Tuesday, he isn’t there, but Vic is.

Oddly, however, the door to her office is closed. I stare at it in confusion for a long moment, glancing down at Cerberus as though he might be able to tell me why it’s closed. The doors are almost never closed around here.

I knock softly.

“Come in,” she says.

I open the door, entering with my backpack filled with baked goods and my dog trotting happily at my feet. He immediately goes to Vic and sits in front of her. “Sorry to disturb you. I brought something for Spencer. Is he here?”

She shakes her head, bending down to scratch Cerberus behind his ears. I’m about to tell her we’ll leave her alone when I catch a glimpse of her eyes. They’re red rimmed.

“Is everything okay?”

Finally, she turns toward me. She doesn’t say anything for a long time. When she finally does, it’s quiet. “I broke up with my girlfriend, Emily. For real this time.”

I close the door behind me and sit down on one of the chairs.

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