Page 53 of Why Not Both?

But her tone doesn’t match her words. She’s still in her head, still thinking about something that’s not making her happy.

“You know I’m happy to listen if you want to talk it out,” I tell her. “Sometimes just saying it out loud helps you figure out.”

She opens her mouth to say something and then closes it again. We walk in silence for a few steps before she finally says. “Did you know, I haven’t had a serious relationship since the one that got me fired?”

I glance at her in shock. “Really?”

She nods. “After it happened, I moved in with Daze. She and Sophie were already dating and the two of them helped piece me back together. I got a new job and I didn’t let myself get close to anyone. So when there were some layoffs, it was easy for them to let me go.”

“Fuck.”

She shrugs. “It’s fine. I understood it was more about needing fewer employees than me actually being bad at the job. And they gave me an excellent reference letter. So I got my last job and I had to figure out how to be friendly without being too friendly. I worked there for three years and made my way up through the ranks until I was second in command. I knew I could never go further there. The head of the kitchen is also the owner.”

She takes a breath and I have a feeling we’re coming to the heart of what she’s been thinking about for the last few hours.

“After I was fired, when I thought about dating again, I just couldn’t. It was all tied so closely to what had happened. I’d felt like I was on a good path and then it was suddenly ripped away. I figured it was better to focus on one thing at a time so I focused on my career. And I don’t regret that.” She says it like she’s trying to decide if the statement is true. “I know I’ll have it all one day, the whole future that I want. For now, I guess I’m just a little envious that Daze found her person so young. She was only 22 when they met.”

“Practically still a baby.”

She nudges me this time and we walk in silence for a few steps. I figure it’s time to change the subject.

“How do you think your parents are going to react to the news?”

She laughs. “I actually hadn’t thought of that, but it’s quite a perk for me. Mom and Dad are going to be so overjoyed about the wedding, they’re going to stop bugging me about relationships and grandbabies for a while. Well. Maybe a date for the wedding. But the grandbabies part? They are going to be all in, begging Sophie and Daze to get to work.”

I smile at her sudden lightheartedness. “Do they plan to have kids right away?”

“I don’t think so. I know Daze wanted to be married. But I think Sophie wants to be married for a year at least.”

“I’ve actually been thinking about what you asked when we went on that hike a few weeks ago,” I say. “About what my dream is. I know what it is, if you’re interested.”

“Of course I am.”

I swallow. She’d been open and vulnerable with me. I could be the same with her. “You know my father and I aren’t close.”

“I believe you’ve used the term estranged, before.”

I nod. “Yeah. Well, he wasn’t an easy man to grow up with. And I guess I’ve always kind of wanted to prove him wrong. To show him… no, to show myself that it can be possible to be successful at business and family life. I want a wife. Family. Kids. That’s what I’m missing.”

“Yeah?”

I nod, trying to look as nonchalant as possible despite my racing heart.

“Yeah. I guess I’ve always known it was something I wanted, but I just haven’t really thought about what that means.”

“And now?”

I glance aside at her, but she’s not looking at me.

“Well, now, I need to buy a place. I figure the first step is to remove Vic as my safety net and then figure it out.” I don’t tell her that I want her to be that wife, that I want her to be the mother of my kids. Especially since I’ve never even asked her if she wants kids. Which, now that I’m thinking about it, I really want to ask. It would be weird though. Right?

She sighs and answers the question I haven’t asked. “A husband and kids. It’s such a pretty dream.”

“You want those things too?” I ask.

“Yeah. I mean, getting married isn’t as important to me as it is to Daze. But then, it’s never been illegal for me to marry a man. And I definitely want a kid one day. Maybe two.”

I nod. “I want at least two.”

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