Page 61 of Why Not Both?

“Like what you see?”

I roll my eyes and don’t respond. We turn onto my road and in no time at all, we’re at my door and I have to let him go. It feels like tearing my arm off, but I release him. We stand facing each other, neither making a move to leave.

I heave an aggravated sigh. “Fine. I will come with you to do the Grouse Grind on Tuesday.”

He grins. “Excellent.”

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

He just keeps grinning. Then he leans forward and places a kiss on my head in a brotherly gesture that does not make me feel sisterly toward him at all.

“Good night, Lis. See you tomorrow.”

Inside, I push the button for the elevator. When the doors open, I look out the glass front door, and he’s still there, waiting for me to get on. I wave at him and step in.

As the elevator starts up, I wonder what the fuck I’m doing. I’d created a line that I wasn’t supposed to cross. But the longer I spend in Spencer’s company, the blurrier that line becomes.

#

It doesn’t get easier to see the line the next day, either. Even when I’m busy ensuring everything gets started on schedule, the kiss remains in my mind on an endless loop. I avoid Spencer during the day and when I notice a problem, I search out Derek instead.

I find him on the roof, leaning against the railing with his arms crossed, watching as guests get settled for the wedding.

“Hey,” I say. “I didn’t think you would watch many weddings.”

“I don’t. But Carter’s my mechanic, so I thought I’d hang out for this one. Something wrong?”

I nod. “The cake hasn’t arrived.”

I’m not a baker if I can at all avoid it. So the cakes are done by a highly admired baker in the area. Blue Vista has partnered with this baker, and usually they’re prompt with getting the cake here first thing in the morning.

“Shit.” Derek straightens and pulls out his phone. “I’ll call them. Find out what’s going on.”

He moves away to place the call and I wait for him to get back. I spend the time looking over the ceremony. Since I’m usually downstairs cooking, this is the first time I’ve had a chance to see one and it’s honestly breathtaking. The groom is at the front with the officiant and another man who I have to assume is his best man. They’re standing under an arch covered with a blush pink gauze, caught in various places and tied with gold ribbons and bunches of white flowers. In the background, the ocean sparkled out to the horizon.

I was about to turn to see if Derek was finished on the call when music started and the groom looked down the aisle. Annie came down first in a pink dress with a gold belt. She smiled at the guests, walking sedately to the alter. When she got there, the music changed and “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri begins playing. The bride starts down the aisle.

She’s wearing a gorgeous lace dress, fitted to her curves with a long train embroidered with gold filigree. I notice her groom watching her with tears in his eyes. When I refocus on the bride, Spencer stands behind her. He must have come up with the bride because I hadn’t seen him on the roof.

I forget all about the ceremony as our eyes lock. Distantly, I hear the officiant begin, but I don’t know what he’s saying. I feel the phantom memory of Spencer’s kiss, hear his whispered words. I can’t look away. And then I hear the groom begin to speak.

“A long time ago, I was coming home from a graveyard shift, and my life changed. A woman tripped over a rug and fell into my arms. In that moment, my heart woke up and said, ‘It’s you. It’s going to be you.’ If I had to wait ten years or a thousand, it was always going to be you.”

Tears fill my eyes and I can’t exactly explain why. The groom’s speech is sweet, but the way Spencer is looking at me, like he agrees with every word, makes my heart expand in my chest. I want to take a step toward him, but my feet are frozen. The bride speaks next.

“I told myself I couldn’t fall in love with you,” she says. “It wasn’t in my plan. But from the moment we met, whether I intended to or not, I started to fall in love with you, anyway. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You will never know how grateful I am that you loved me enough to wait until I was ready.”

I blink to prevent the tears from falling as my heart cracks. Spencer takes one step forward.

Then, Derek touches my elbow. I turn to him, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

“The cake is on its way,” he says, his voice pitched low so as not to interrupt the ceremony. “It should be here in about fifteen.”

I nod. When I look back at Spencer, he’s been pulled aside by someone else, so I return downstairs to the kitchen. Tina has everything under control, so I go into my office for a second to gather my thoughts.

There had been a reason I’d decided we couldn’t be together. The logical part of my brain tells me I don’t want to mix my career and personal life. I’ve been down that road. I’ve seen other women go down that road and had it blow up in their faces, just like it had mine. This job is important to me and I can’t forget that now.

I pull myself together and return to work. I’m able to focus on what I need to do, even as my emotions are a jumbled mess. I’m finished long before Spencer and so I take transit home. We don’t see each other much on Sunday for a retirement party and, again, I take transit home. I don’t know if Spencer suspects I’m avoiding him, but I need a little distance to figure out exactly what it is I want.

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