I wanted to say something to her, but the words just wouldn’t come.
“Why aren’t you eating your food?” she asked while setting up her space. When you got her bowl to go, they gave you the layers to compile yourself.
“Not hungry,” I mumbled.
“I’m famished.” She sat down at the table and fixed her food. “How was your appointment? Were you late?”
“Yeah. I never asked how your appointment went a couple weeks ago. All went well?”
“It did.” She nodded quickly.
“What was it again?” I looked up for the first time to see if she would come clean.
“Liposuction in my belly area.” She took a bite of her bowl and chewed.
“I found out today from the doctor that I’m healthy and it’s not that anything is wrong with my sperm count either.”
“That’s great. I wonder why we can’t get pregnant then.” And she gave me an expression filled with complete confusion.
“Maybe it’s the birth control you were on. Or maybe the fact you got your tubes tied and never told me.”
Tammy dropped the spoon she was holding, and I watched the mask slip from her face.
“Want to explain how that equates to being the same as liposuction? I’ll wait.”
Tammy sat there speechless, and it only confirmed the knot in my stomach that had been present for a year was because something was truly wrong. This was it. She’d been lying to me for three years.
“Say,” I said sternly, needing her to validate the way I felt about her. Tell me it’s not true, so we can move on or confirm it so I can get the fuck out of here.
“I’m sorry.”
And there it was. The confirmation that had me packing my shit.
“No need to be. You did what was best for you, and now I’ll do what’s best for me.” I stood up and went to the bedroom, where I pulled out my suitcase and began packing.
“What are you doing?” she asked as she came into the room with tears pouring down her face.
“Leaving.” I shrugged, feeling more defeated than I could ever explain.
“Why? I don’t understand.” She sniffed.
“Yes, you do.” I shook my head after scoffing. “I want children. You don’t want them. That means we can’t be together because I’m not willing to budge on that. It’s easy, Tammy. We’re over. There’s no need pretending like this is going to be fixed. I wish you hadn’t wasted my time. At fucking all.” I felt the anger building so intensely I had to walk away because her presence represented how much I’d just lost.
“I can get them untied!” she blurted. “Please, E. Please.”
“Tell me… if you get them untied, are you willing to get pregnant? Like as soon as possible. Not next year or next month. Right. Now. Are you willing to do that another three or four times? Are you prepared for what it’ll do to your body? Will you be the best mother in the world to them? Or will I be a single parent in the end? Fucking say something, Tammy!”
“I don’t know if I can promise you any of that. All I know is that I’ll do anything to have you. Anything to keep you in my life. I’ll give you whatever you need,” she said through tears. Her voice cracked on the last part. “Anything for you, E. Please…”
“For me…” I shook my head. “Same, Tammy. I’d have given you the world. Maybe if you were honest from the beginning, we could have found a solution, but too much time has passed, and you had so many opportunities to be honest and you chose not to be. I can’t forgive you for that. To make it worse, the way I found out was fucking ridiculous!” I roared.
“I know… I know. I should have…” Tammy sighed. “Can we take the space for you to calm down and then talk after?” she asked.
“Baby, there’s not a single thing that can fix this. Please, let it go.”
Tammy nodded but remained silent. When I got ready to walk out the door, she came into the living room and leaned on the wall.
“Where are you going to go?” she asked.