Page 45 of Rousing Renee

“There are… um, some rumors circulating about that you’re still living with Tammy.” It wasn’t really a lie, more of a creative way of describing what kept playing in my head.

He pulled away and looked up at me. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, are you?”

Ezra sighed. “Kind of.”

I heard the vinyl record on the turntable as the needle ripped across it. “Excuse me?”

“The condo that we were living in is mine. She’s living there until her place is available. I haven’t been there since we broke up, but she has. I’ve been staying with my best friend until she’s gone.”

“That’s been what, six months? You mean to tell me that she hasn’t figured it out in six months? No wonder she thinks she has a chance. You haven’t forced her to figure her shit out. If this is what you mean by power exchange, getting me to the point where I can’t survive with you? I don’t want it. Because clearly, she isn’t coping with the loss of you.”

“No, Renee, listen…”

“I almost think that I’ve heard too much. Are you sure you’re done with her?”

“Very much so.”

“How do you know?”

“I told you that I was going to stop at the condo so I could grab a few things?”

“Okay?”

“She was there, and we talked. I explained to her, without getting upset, how she hurt me and that it prevents me from ever wanting another relationship with her. I listened to what she had to say, and we finally got to a place where she understood that this breakup is for good. I’ve already explained to you that I want you. Not her. Now she understands that as well.”

“Is there a reason why you didn’t tell me before that she’s still living there?”

“No. There’s no reason why I didn’t mention it. Honestly, it never crossed my mind. I didn’t know she would be there. I figured I run in and get out. I also think that subconsciously, I don’t affiliate it as home anymore. I haven’t been there in so long that I would never say we reside together. I guess that’s why Kelly asked about me looking for a place.”

I tried to understand where he was coming from, but couldn’t. I also wouldn’t let Tammy stay at my house for six months, either.

“It’s hard to sympathize with you about it because I don’t understand. It feels dishonest, like you hid it from me. I hate being blindsided, and that’s exactly what this feels like.” I stood up to get some much needed space from him. “Look, it was really nice to see that you’re back and safe but, I need space and time to think.”

“Renee, I promise there isn’t anything going on between me and her.” He stood to try to come closer, and I stepped away.

“She’s not the issue. This feels like manipulation and makes me feel dirty and used. You told me to always be honest with you, but when it came to you doing the same, you didn’t.”

Ezra dropped his head and let it hang in defeat. There was nothing he could say, and he knew it.

“I’ll see you around.” This time, he didn’t try to come toward me and fix anything. He let me get my things and walk away.

I held back my tears until I was safely inside my apartment. As soon as the door closed, I ran into my bedroom with tears rolling down my face. The journey of love wasn’t supposed to end this soon. It felt like we were just beginning and this thing with Tammy was throwing a wrench into the plan.

It felt like the situation with them was a backup plan. One where he kept Tammy in limbo, just in case. He was avoiding the next stage in their breakup because he wasn’t ready to let her go, either. She was safe and as long as she was there, she was an option. I didn’t want to be the thing that stood in their way. A bystander who was hit by a stray bullet to the heart. And right now, the hole was huge and leaking profusely.

This hurt so badly it was hard to breathe. I’d known I was falling fast and hard for him, but I hadn’t known it would feel like this.

Broken.

Used and abused.

CHAPTER 13

Ezra

I slept like shit, wondering what to say to Renee to fix things. Everything I wanted to verbalize to her felt as if I was digging a deeper grave. In a lot of ways, she was right. In some, she was wrong. I understood how she felt, and that’s the part I didn’t know what to do with. I never meant to make her feel so unsure about us, especially since I was all in.

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