Page 34 of Their Queen

“How can you say that?” I asked her, turning to face her, not believing the words she spoke. “I don’t have anything left to offer you. I’m no longer the same man you fell in love with.”

She smiled softly at me, sadness in her eyes. “And I’m not the same woman you fell in love with.”

“Bullshit.” Sure, she’d changed, but only for the better. She’d done nothing but grow into the power I could always see lurking beneath her surface. Even when it had been locked away, she had glowed with potential that I could feel deep inside of me.

She laughed on a sob. “Exactly. I didn’t love you because you had two good hands. And it wasn’t because you could protect me. If you haven’t noticed, I can protect myself just fine. I love you because you’re the light in my darkness. You’re the rock that keeps me steady when the waters and wind threaten to sweep me away. Even though you’re consumed with darkness now, I know what it’s like. I’ve navigated it for so long and can lead you back into the light if you’d let me. You stole my heart first, and I won’t let you give it back. Now, let me be there for you when you need it.”

My knees buckled then, sending me to the floor, and all the emotions I’d kept bottled up for weeks came back to the surface and overwhelmed me. Instead of running away, she stepped forward, pulling me into her embrace, my head pressing to her chest as my arms wrapped around her. She held me as I fell apart, shattered into a million pieces. She held me until slowly, I began to put the pieces back together. Not all of them fit right, but they would in time.

I could no longer deny that I still wanted her with every fiber of my being. I wanted her in my life as we stood together against the evil in this world to make it a better place. I needed her like the air I breathed and the water I drank. She was necessary to life. To my life.

She’d been right, walking away now was the coward’s way out. I was running away because the pain and despair had been too much, but having her here, being in her arms, I found that the pain wasn’t so overwhelming. Maybe she was right again? Maybe navigating this together was the answer, but I still couldn’t see the light. But if anyone could understand what it was like to stand in the darkness, it was Rhowyn.

As my tears slowed, I clung more firmly to her, my resolve lying in pieces on the floor because I could no longer leave her. Inhaling her scent and dragging it into my lungs, I felt more alive than I had in weeks, since waking after the confrontation with Titania. Just being here was easing my tortured thoughts and emotions.

Finally, the emotions ebbed, and I could think clearly again. I could see the light I’d been looking so long for. “How did I get so lucky?” I asked her, my head still pressed against her, arms holding so tightly as if she’d vanish in a puff of smoke.

“It wasn’t luck, Baer. It was you. It’s only ever been you,” she said, pulling back until she was kneeling on the floor with me. Tracks down her face showed me that as I’d crumbled, she had cried with me, sharing the emotion with me and easing my burden.

She held my gaze, letting her love pour down the bond between us and shine through her eyes. “Come back to me. Love me as only you can. It’s all I’ve ever wanted from you. It’s all I’ve ever asked for.”

I nodded, doubt trying to creep back in, but I pushed it back. “Okay. I can do that,” I told her.

She smiled at me then. “Good. Can you hold me while we sleep? I just need to be close to you.”

“That I can do.” I smiled at her tentatively, the first one I’d had since waking up without my hand. It felt strange on my face, but her eyes sparkled then, glinting in the moonlight through the window. That light at the end of the tunnel grew larger, drawing me forward, and I knew I’d be okay. That we’d make it through this. Together, we could navigate the darkness until that light was all around us.

Chapter Twenty Three: Rhowyn

The next week passed quickly, a tentative routine forming. After waking in the arms of one of my guys, I would find my way to the War Room, where I’d spend the rest of the day catching up on troop movements and the geography of the land. Each day after Charity’s arrival, more and more of Avalon’s citizens came from all over as word spread of my declaration of war and the need to pick sides. While it was great to have so much support, we were quickly running out of room. Tents spread out to form a small city both inside the gates and outside, though everyone still fit within the original shield and glamor. For now.

Walking the grounds, you’d find a bevy of activities, from soldiers training, led by Callum, to women and children going through the activities it took to feed and support the soldiers. Each night ended with everyone gathering for a meal, many of the citizens coming up to pay their respects and pledge vows of service.

Today was just like the day before, as I woke and got dressed, foregoing the beautiful dresses for leathers. After sitting in with Arryn, I would train more with Callum and the others with weapons and magic. It was still a struggle to keep my power contained. Each time I used it, it wanted to burst forth and lash out, only stopping because of the thin thread of control I could barely manage. I had to admit, I was fearful of losing my grip on that thin thread, and I’d been hesitant to train with it after almost burning everyone and everything to the ground not too long ago. It took the guys a full day of hounding me and providing solutions before I finally agreed to train well away from the castle and anyone who might be in the area.

Despite their efforts, I had made very little progress with my own powers. However, my use of theirs was coming more naturally. My first instinct was no longer to turn to physical combat, instead reaching for their magic to help me gain the upper hand. Callum was still trying to get me to use them in tandem, though that was taking more focus than I would like.

Pushing open the door to the War Room, I smiled, finding Arryn bent over the map on the table, studying the troops. He’d been pouring over the information from the scouts, and I had been spending my mornings studying him. His ability to lead came so naturally, and I often found myself completely turned on by the end of these sessions. His gaze jumped up to meet mine, both of his hands resting on the table, before those green eyes drifted down my body, his desire evident through the bond. I smirked at him in response, walking over to my normal seat to the side of the room. And if my hips swayed a little more than usual, it was not something I could help.

“Sir, the latest report from Summer says that Titania has been gathering troops at the border to Autumn,” one of the soldiers reported, drawing Arryn’s gaze from mine. I couldn’t remember his name, Gavin or Garrett or something like that. While I could remember faces easily, names had always been difficult for me.

“Just as I had suspected,” Arryn muttered, taking the papers from the soldier and reading over the written report. A couple of days after our arrival, Arryn had sent out several scouts, mostly farmers and villagers who could navigate the rural areas without suspicion despite having very little training in the art of spying. Brannoc and Cyerra had been busy every day, seeking out the reports from those spies and bringing them back to us.

Most nights, Brannoc came back after I had already fallen asleep and was gone before I woke in the morning. The only evidence he’d even been there was the mussed sheets in his room and little notes by my bed. I missed him already, but I knew we needed this intel. As much as I wanted to be selfish and keep him here with me for his own safety and my peace of mind, I couldn’t deny that his gifts were necessary. Without them, we’d be blind.

“What about the movements in Winter and Spring?” Arryn asked, setting the report to the side and moving pieces on the war table accordingly.

“We haven’t been able to get much information yet. The spies are still making their way to their posts, but what we have gotten is troubling.”

That little nugget had me sitting forward, paying close attention to the conversation. “What do you mean?” Arryn asked.

“It seems that as they make their way further out, they’re finding fewer and fewer residents,” the soldier reported.

“That’s not that unusual. If Titania is gathering them to her or they’re making their way here, then that would make sense,” I spoke up.

“True, Your Majesty. It’s just that…” he trailed off, unsure.

“Please speak plainly,” I told him, growing used to the way most of them seemed to clam up anytime I interjected myself.

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