Page 3 of Their Queen

Arryn raised a hand to caress my cheek, his worry softening as he found that I was indeed whole and safe, if a little exhausted. Okay, maybe I was wrung out completely, but I still felt I needed to be here. “Right now, you really should be resting.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I won’t be able to until I know what our plan is moving forward,” I told him. The love from my men surrounded me, bringing a small smile to my face.

He sighed, his head bowing in front of me. For the first time since meeting him, he looked weary. Not just tiredness but the bone deep fatigue that only came from carrying such a heavy load for too long. I put a hand on his shoulder. “Obviously, as much as I would like to, we can’t hang out here and just hope this all passes us by,” I started, taking charge for him. “Anyone have any ideas of where we might go? Clearly, we need to regroup and prepare for war. Titania won’t stop until she gets what she wants. We need somewhere outside of her purview, to hide and recover, and to plan our next attack,” I suggested, looking around at my team?friends, family, and lovers.

“We can’t go anywhere until Baer wakes, so that gives us a chance to figure out where to go next,” Arryn said.

“How is he?” I asked, knowing he was the reason Baer was even alive right now. All I could remember was watching as he was nearly beheaded; the blood that coated the wooden platform had all been his. That much could only mean that he’d been close to dying from blood loss alone.

“Physically, he’s fine. Now. He still needs rest, but when he wakes, he should be okay. However, it’s his mental state that I’m worried about,” he told me matter-of-factly, sadness tinging his voice.

“What do you mean?” I asked, sitting up as much as I could in Callum’s lap, his arms keeping me from moving too much as they tightened to keep me in place.

“I’ve known several soldiers who have suffered injuries like this, and each of them struggles with coming to terms with what they’ve lost. There’s a grieving process. He’ll have to relearn how to function without his dominant hand, but I have no doubt that he’ll figure it out quickly,” Arryn assured me, but I saw it for what it was?a half-hearted attempt to keep my guilt at bay.

His attempt was unsuccessful, though, because guilt immediately consumed me, like a bucket of ice-cold water dumped over my head. Callum’s arms squeezed me tighter. “It’s not your fault,” he said forcefully.

I laughed, tears leaking from my eyes. “How is it not? He wouldn’t have been there if not for me,” I argued with him, not allowing him to sweep my guilt under the rug so easily.

“Princess.” Lennox’s voice reached me from where I had closed my eyes against the wave of truth that swelled over me. “It’s not your fault. The blame lies solely with my mother.”

I nodded, knowing he was right logically, but unable to shake the feelings that were overwhelming me. “I promise it will be better in the morning. Everything always feels less oppressive after a good night’s rest,” Arryn tried reasoning with me.

Knowing there was nothing they could do to assuage my guilt, I forced back the tears and pushed everything I was feeling down until the only thing that was left was burning anger and the need for revenge for what the Bitch had taken from us. It wasn’t their problem to solve, and I didn’t want them to feel any worse than I knew they already did.

“You’re right,” I told him with a forced smile. “So, how can we make her pay?”

“Honestly, there’s nothing much we can do right now. I can put some feelers out, but we’re all burned out. The best thing we can do is to rest until we know more,” Arryn explained.

I just nodded, not sure how I was going to be able to sleep with everything up in the air, my thoughts swirling with emotion, possibilities, and outcomes.

“Let me take you to bed,” Callum said gently into my ear, his breath rustling my hair. Instead of giving him an answer, I curled deeper into his chest, seeking his warmth, colder than I should have been. He stood, still cradling me to him tightly, making me feel like a child in this moment. The thought had tears stinging the backs of my eyes, and I desperately tried to blink them away.

“Can I lie with Baer?” I asked him.

“Of course, Trouble.” His voice was tinged with sadness and regret, causing a lump to form in my throat.

He did as I asked, laying me down on the bed next to Baer and covering me gently. As soon as I was next to him, my eyes were glued to Baer’s closed ones. Callum’s fingers brushed the hair from my face, tucking the strands behind my ear. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I heard the sound of him dragging a chair over from across the room, no doubt about to set up his vigil. The same thing he did anytime I was in such a vulnerable state. And as much as I craved his warmth and comfort, I wasn’t ready for him to see me fall apart.

“You should get some rest yourself,” I said, my voice scratchy.

The scrape of wood against stone stopped as Callum paused. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I just want to be alone with him for the moment. I’ll be asleep in no time.” When he still hesitated, I tacked on, “Promise.”

He sighed, obviously not buying what I was selling. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.” I listened to his steps as they neared the door to the room, where he paused in my peripheral vision. I closed my eyes. “Go, Callum. I’ll be fine.”

The door finally creaked open before snicking closed again softly. I waited for a moment, needing to ensure that he really had left. Finally convinced that I was all alone with Baer, I opened my eyes to see his still form next to me. He was so pale and wan, a stark contrast to the golden glow that usually emanated from him. He had always been so full of life and energy, always ready with a smile for me or a joke to bolster my mood. And now, he just wasn’t.

Now, he was lying next to me, his breaths even and steady, so void of the life that he exuded, and I couldn’t help but blame myself for what happened to him. He nearly died. They all nearly died, and it was all my fault. I didn’t care what Arryn said, none of them would have been there if it hadn’t been for me. It was because of me that Baer lost his hand. The thought of what had nearly happened, of what had been so close to reality, turned my stomach.

I couldn’t picture a life in which one of them wasn’t in it. I knew I had loved them before this incident, but now I knew without a doubt that I needed them, and I’d do everything I could to ensure they lived on. If I was being honest with myself, I only stayed because of them, because of our connection. Sure, I couldn’t stand the thought of having someone like Titania in charge and what it would mean for everyone else, but they were the reason I even decided to fight back. They had become my reason for living, and there was no way I would ever find out what it was like to live life without them.

Watching the rise and fall of Baer’s chest, I soaked in every detail as tears fell from my face. A plan formed in the back of my mind, and I knew it was the right step. The part of me that was still connected to Avalonia whispered to me that this was what needed to be done.

Chapter Four: Rhowyn

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