Page 90 of Their War

Chapter Fifty Two: Rhowyn

Things moved quickly after I woke from my communion with Avalonia. My grandfather rushed around, gathering all the supplies we needed for the ceremony at Cashel Rí. My guys were donning their fighting leathers, strapping weapons to every available space. Even Cyerra was readying for a coming battle.

Apparently, I had communed with Avalonia for two days. Two whole days that had left my consorts and mates bedraggled and at their wits ends. That was new, too. When I’d healed Baer after the first trial, I’d also apparently forced a mate bond with him. I knew I should probably feel bad about forcing something like that on him, but I didn’t. It seemed he didn’t either, his devotion more evident than ever before.

He had doted on me after I had woken up, hovering by my side as if I were going to collapse at any moment. It was sweet, but I needed some space. After losing them in the dream-like state I had been in, I found that I was even more terrified now after having them back within reach.

Insisting that I was okay, I sent them on their way, knowing there was much we needed to do to prepare. We didn’t have much time left to complete my ascension if we wanted to beat Titania to the punch. So, as much as they hadn’t wanted to, they’d given me some space. Instead, they prepared everything we would need for our trek to the castle to attempt a second break-in.

I knew it was smart. I knew I should be doing something other than sitting on the edge of my bed, completely frozen with fear, Avalonia’s words haunting me. Visions kept popping into my head each and every time I tried to be productive, halting me in the middle of whatever task I tried to do, reducing me to a trembling mess until the best I could manage was sitting here.

Closing my eyes, I tried to wall off the memories of the vision, but flashes of my men dying had me gasping and snapping my eyes back open. I couldn’t lose them, any of them. They’d come to mean too much to me in such a short time.

To have the fate of everything resting on my shoulders alone was nearly crippling. I wanted to curl up into a ball like I had in the vision, to hide from everything and pretend it didn’t exist, that I didn’t have to win in order for everyone to live.

But that wasn’t an option. If I didn’t do this, then there was no one else. I was Avalonia’s last hope, and I couldn’t help but wonder how fucked we must really be if it was all coming down to me, the child that no one had wanted. The girl who had never been valued, never been seen as anything more than a number in the system.

A soft knock on the open door slowly pulled me from my maudlin thoughts to find my father standing there, his dark hair streaked with gray, and pulled into a queue at the nape of his neck, tamed for the first time since we’d rescued him. I couldn’t help but wonder if the coming battle and the necessary planning were enough to pull him from his own tormented mind. That all he’d needed was a purpose that was familiar to pull himself out of the dark hole his mind had wandered down.

“Do you mind if I come in?” he asked me hesitantly.

I shook my head in answer, and he walked over to sit next to me on the bed, keeping an arm’s length between us. Still, his presence alone was calming, and for a moment, my mind and memories quieted. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking down at his hands.

Puzzled, I asked, “For what?”

“For everything. For not being there for you and your mother. For dragging you both into this life. For failing in my quest to kill Titania, leaving that burden for you to carry.” I couldn’t say anything for a moment, my childhood anger at my father for abandoning us rising up. Instinct had me wanting to lash out, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t stay away because he’d wanted to. He’d been tortured for decades while Mother and I tried to find our way on Earth.

“It’s not your fault,” I said, almost as if trying to convince myself of this fact. It wasn’t. I knew that, but I still couldn’t help the feelings of anger and abandonment that cut me deeply. The little girl inside me who had been abandoned couldn’t follow the logic or reasoning that I was telling myself. All she knew was that it had hurt.

“It is,” he said, taking the blame fully. “If I hadn’t been consumed with my desire to dethrone Titania, then maybe I’d have been around for you both. I knew having a child wouldn’t be a good idea. I did everything I could to prevent it, so when we found out, I did the only thing I could think of. I tried to spare you from this life, but it seems I failed in that, too. This fight found you anyway.” His head drooped in shame.

“Don’t,” I told him, shaking my head. “Don’t blame yourself. Titania is to blame for all of this. It’s her fault we’re here, that I missed out on having a family, that I now must take her place.” I shook my head again. “Besides, if I’m to believe everyone, then there was never anything any of us could have done. Fate and Avalonia put us here. Things were always going to end up like this. Worrying about how we got here won’t do either of us any good, so all we can do is worry about how to get out of this fight alive.”

He stared at me in awe for so long that I began to fidget, picking at my nails, uncomfortable with the emotion I was seeing behind his eyes. “How did my daughter become so smart?”

I snorted. “When she had to be in order to survive.” My words escaped before I could pull them back.

The sorrow returned to his gaze. “If I could change it, I would.”

I sighed. “I know. I didn’t mean to throw that at you. It’s not like you meant to get captured.” I sighed. “It’s just that I didn’t have an easy life growing up.”

“What about your mother?” he asked me hesitantly. His breath halted as he waited for my answer as if his whole world revolved around this truth.

“She was part of the reason for that. She wasn’t meant to live on Earth. At the time, I didn’t know why she couldn’t get her shit together, but I can understand now more than ever. She did the best she could. Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t enough.”

“Is she…” he paused, “is she still alive?”

“Yes,” I answered honestly. “She stayed behind, knowing she wouldn’t be safe here and would be putting me in danger if she returned with me. Not even the guys know much about her,” I admitted.

“That’s probably for the best,” he said, shame and sorrow evident in the slump of his shoulders again.

“Yeah…” I said, trailing off, unsure where to go in the conversation now. The silence hanging awkwardly between us.

Breaking the tension, he turned to me. “Listen, I know I don’t have much of a right to ask, but after all of this is over, I would like the chance to get to know you. To know my daughter.” The hope in his gaze took me off guard.

“Sure. If we make it out of this, I would like that.” I said honestly.

“We will win this. There’s no other option. Besides, I have faith that Avalonia has chosen the right woman for the job. You’re going to do what I never could, and I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become despite the failures of your mother and I.”

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