Page 6 of Their War

“No. I'm saying that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if there was something I could have done and I didn't. Your situation was different. You had no choice. You were watched constantly by the Queen, monitored for any hint of rebellion. But me? I'm the forgotten son of an old warrior. Who would ever suspect me?”

“And yet, here we are. Somehow, she discovered your ruse,” Lennox said matter-of-factly, bringing us back to the topic at hand.

“I've been wracking my brain to figure out who betrayed me, but I can't come up with anything. There were only a few people who knew of my role as Captain of the Royal Guard and as a leader of the rebellion. I trust those people with my life.”

“But do you trust them with Rhowyn's? Because that's where we're at. Your duplicity has put her in an even more precarious situation. She's now at the mercy of the Queen while we sit here telling stories,” Baer snapped at me for the first time.

Of all the guys, he would have been the last one I suspected to be so angry with me. Sure, Callum was a given, what with his history, and Lennox always carried so much guilt, but it was his mother that I sought to dethrone at the very least. Those two made perfect sense, but Baer's anger left me puzzled. I prided myself on my ability to know my men, but this side was something I’d never seen from him before. I couldn't tell if it was just the fact that Rhowyn was in trouble, or if it had to do with something deeper.

“To be honest, I do. Just like I trust Gerard to keep us hidden while we come up with a plan to get Rhowyn back. She's our best bet at displacing the Queen and healing Avalon.”

“Is that all she is to you?” Baer questioned, stalking forward until he stood chest to chest with me, his anger evident in the trembling of his slender frame. “A means to an end? The answer to all your problems?”

Finally getting pissed that he would doubt my devotion to Rhowyn, I pushed in closer. “Rhowyn means everything to me. While I do believe she's the answer I was seeking, she's come to mean so much more to me. Everything about her calls to me. I'm in love with her, but I can also admit that she would make the perfect Queen for Avalon. I can't see why there's a problem with me doing both. But if I ever had to choose, I'd choose her every time,” I admitted to him, rocking my own world with that realization.

For as long as I could remember, decades spent in a single-minded pursuit of rescuing Avalon from the clutches of the Queen, I had only wanted one thing. I knew I’d developed feelings for Rhowyn, but to realize the depth of them now left me speechless. I loved her, and my only goal at present was to get her back so I could tell her.

Baer watched the realization cross my face, studying me for my honesty. I didn't blame him for his suspicions since I was little more than a spy, sent to retrieve information to assist the rebellion. But honor was important to me, and I had never outright lied to my fellow Consorts or Rhowyn.

“Any other secrets you're keeping?” Baer asked, crossing his arms and leaning back to watch my reaction.

“That's everything. No more secrets from me,” I told him frankly.

Nodding, he accepted my unspoken apology. I couldn't say the same for Lennox because he asked, “Why didn't you tell us?”

Sighing, I told him the truth. “At first, I didn't know if I could trust any of you. The lives of the others involved in the rebellion were counting on me to keep their secrets.

“Then, there was never really a good time, between the start of the trials and one problem after another arising. I truly thought I had time. That none of it would matter if Rhowyn could win the trials and become the next Queen. We could ensure a peaceful transition of power, my past a non-issue.”

Lennox hmphed at me, obviously not buying the peaceful part. “Yeah, realistically I knew that the Queen would find one way or another to hold on to power, but I hoped for something different for once. That hope didn't stop me from preparing locations like this across the village and throughout Avalon. An underground network of supporters with hidey holes that we can use to ensure our safety.”

“Can't say that it wasn't smart. Obviously, it's come in handy. But where does that leave us now?” Lennox asked me.

I shrugged. “Honestly? I don't have a plan. The best I can come up with is to let Brannoc rest. He can scout the castle and give us an idea of what the environment is like. Without more information, I can't come up with a plan that won't endanger Rhowyn further.”

“Then we wait,” Callum said, ending the entire discussion.

Chapter Four: Brannoc

Over the next couple of days, we all continued our stay in Gerard's hidden cellar. Little more than dirt walls with wooden furniture and very little space. All of us were going stir-crazy, filled with pent-up nervous energy that desperately needed an outlet. We were men built for action, honed for decades as fighters, who were now stuck waiting on news from others that would help us develop a strategy to get Rhowyn back.

I was used to situations like this. Planning, watching, waiting. It was all part of an assassin's skill set. I should have been doing fine, but I was surprised to find that I wasn't. My nerves were just as fried as the others. Resisting the urge to pace, I sat on one of the cots with my forearms on my knees as we waited on a report from Gerard. That final piece we needed in order to begin our plan to rescue Rhowyn. In the meantime, I thought about why this mission was so different for me.

Perhaps it was because I was usually the one gathering the information, the one watching and surveilling. However, that brief transport carrying so many had left my magic depleted and unable to complete the reconnaissance on my own. It was slowly returning over the last few days, and I was almost at full power again. I could have easily been the one to go out today, but the guys had agreed that I should save my strength for the actual plan.

I suspected my restlessness was more likely due to a dark- green haired vixen that had wormed her way into my life. What had started off as a simple curiosity, a shiny object that lured me in like my namesake, had quickly devolved until she was almost an obsession. Somehow, she'd taken a man who was emotionally stunted and preferred to remain uninvolved in squabbles, often seen as cold and calculating by those who hired me, and turned me into a bundle of nerves. Not knowing her condition or status had us all worried.

Granted, I considered myself attached to Arryn, my oldest friend and the only person who saw the real me. But it wasn't the same. I could walk away from Arryn and not fear his fate. I wanted the best for him and didn't want to see him fail, which is why I had originally joined his rebellion.

At first, Arryn had tried to convince me that I should take a more active role alongside him, but we both quickly realized that I wasn't built for that. I was not a leader. I needed to be on my own, to answer to no one but myself. A leader might be in charge, but they answered to everyone underneath them in the organization. Too many people to depend on you, too much responsibility. It never sat well with my flighty nature.

And yet, for the first time, I found myself wanting to stay, to be a part of this group. Admittedly, I didn't care for the other men outside of Arryn. Their own egos, pride, and issues often caused more problems than not, but Rhowyn did care. Which meant that they were now another complication. Something else to look after, but I'd do it for her. And that thought puzzled me.

I'd met many fae women throughout my work, had enough money from my contracts to live comfortably, and spent time with many of them. I'd even sampled some of the better-looking men out there, but none of my lovers had lasted more than a night. My interest faded quickly as I found the next shiny object to distract me.

The thing with Rhowyn was that there was something more about her. I couldn't put my finger on it, and that bothered me. I liked having the answers, and she simply puzzled me on every level. It was more than that, though. She was honorable, feisty, strong, and caring. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and you always knew what she was thinking. Not one for games, she told it like she saw it, and yet was humble enough to admit when she was wrong. It was refreshing in a world full of women and men who lived for the game.

A series of knocks sounded on the trap door, a predetermined pattern to let us know that Gerard was back. All of us stood, hands on our weapons and ready to spring into action, as Arryn pulled back the lock and allowed the giant man to enter.

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