Page 17 of Their War

Chapter Ten: Rhowyn

I was floating. My body swayed back and forth like gentle waves were pushing me to and fro. Darkness surrounded me, nothing visible in the endless void despite knowing my eyes were open. I could move my arms and legs, but it was slow, like wading through molasses. My body drifted, and I was aware that there was no floor, no ceiling either. It was a very discombobulating feeling, not knowing which way was up or down. Voices drifted to me, but I couldn't make out the words, although, I recognized the source. My men were close by, and I wanted nothing more than to fully wake so I could see them, hold them all, and ensure that they were safe. That we were safe.

But I couldn't. Putting forth all my effort, trying to move, to wake up, to do anything other than float, I only managed to tire myself out. So, I gave up, resigned to the fact that this was where I was, where I would be, until something pulled me from this place.

After what felt like hours, where my thoughts drifted like my body through the emptiness, I started to realize that the black had turned to a dark gray. The change so subtle that I didn't even know when it had started to transform. I waited, the darkness continuing to fade until I was surrounded by a white so pure that I had to force my eyes closed, the pain too great to keep them open. I felt lighter now, too. What was once a heaviness had me now feeling light as a feather. And still, I couldn't move, subjected to the ebb and flow of this place.

“Open your eyes, child,” a heavenly voice commanded me. It was everywhere and nowhere at once, both soft and loud, and I was completely hypnotized by the sound. Even if I had wanted to, I couldn't ignore the task which was delivered to me. When I opened my eyes, it was to find that the white had become everything all at once. While the darkness was nothingness, this brightness was everything that ever had been, could be, and would be. It filled my soul with peace while making me feel insignificant. Like standing on the edge of a cliff in front of the ocean, the magnitude of the sky and sea making me feel like a speck of sand in the grand scheme of time. But this feeling now, it was on a grander scale, immeasurable in its vastness.

“There you are, child,” the voice said again as the brightness dimmed slightly but didn't diminish the overwhelming vastness that engulfed me. The fading light revealed a woman, although I couldn't make out any details. Despite that, I knew immediately who this was.

“Avalonia?”

“Yes, child. It is I,” she responded, a smile in her voice like a parent appeasing a toddler when they had done something good.

“Does this mean I died?” I asked, panic wringing through my body like a lightning flash. I hadn't been ready to go, even if I vaguely remembered relenting to the pull of my life force toward the ether. My men would be devastated, in danger because of my actions with no hope left for them or Avalon. What would happen to them? I couldn’t bear the thought of them losing their lives as well, which would surely happen if I wasn’t there. I was supposed to save Avalon, and I failed.

“It's okay, child. You're still very much alive, although unconscious,” she said, interrupting and easing my fears. “I needed you in this state so we could communicate.”

I heard sadness in her tone of voice, an aching that flowed into me until I wanted to cry. As if catching herself, the emotion pulled back, and I was able to breathe again. The pain had been suffocating, the weight crushing. Was that what she was feeling?

“It's been a long time since I've been able to do this. I've been watching, waiting, biding my time for this moment,” she told me.

“What's so special about this moment? And why me?” I asked her, desperate for the answers that only she held.

“All in good time, child. Time is like an ocean, not a linear thing like many think. So many decisions to be made that it's constantly shifting the future. Now is not the time to reveal those answers,” she told me.

“So why talk to me now?”

“Ah.” She smiled at me again, her pleasure permeating my skin, and my own smile broke across my face. “The purpose for our interlude is so that I can congratulate you. You, My Chosen, have surpassed my hopes in so many ways. You're exactly what I've been waiting for. You will bring about the balance Avalon needs so desperately. My final hope.”

“What's so special about me?” I asked her, desperate to know. Deep down, I had always felt discarded, second choice, or not good enough. I had grown to love myself, but I had never truly felt like I was good enough to receive love. That something was broken within me, which made people abuse and abandon me. Everyone always left.

Until my men. For the first time, I was starting to learn what it was like to be loved, to be supported, and seen. But to have been chosen by a goddess? I couldn't fathom such a thing. She had to have made a mistake, I couldn't possibly be those things she said.

“My poor child, I'm so terribly sorry that the worlds have treated you so unkindly, but it has forged you into who you are now, which is exactly what I need,” she told me. A part of me wanted to believe her, but I still wasn’t convinced. Sensing this, she continued, “I know you still have so much growing to do, but soon, you will face several choices that will either save or condemn us all. It can only be you.”

“How can you ask this of me? How will I know which decision is right?” I pleaded with her, hoping she would change her mind and choose someone else. My breaths quickened as panic swirled in my chest, the weight of what she was saying settling on my shoulders.

“If I could do this on my own, I wouldn't ask it of you. But I need you, Lightbringer.”

“Do I have any choice?”

“You always have a choice, but I know you. You've never been able to walk away from those in need. You're not made that way. Which is why I need you now, but this won't be an easy road for you. It will test you in ways you can't fathom in this moment. It's dangerous and hard, but you've never been one to give in just because something is hard. You've survived and overcome the odds; you've clawed your way back from the darkness time and time again. I have faith that you can succeed, child.”

I wanted to argue. I wanted to push this onto someone else. For once, it would be nice to know what easy felt like, but she was right. Nothing had ever been simple for me. I had fought through it each and every time, coming out stronger for the struggle. But somehow, I sensed this was different. That there was a very good chance that I could fail and doom all of Avalon in the process.

Despite the light which had me still feeling like a feather, a heaviness settled onto me. A burden I had never asked to carry, but I would be carrying it, nonetheless.

“Not alone,” she said as if reading my thoughts. Hell, for all I knew, she knew everything that everyone thought and felt, omnipotent in her knowledge.

“I wouldn't ask this of just you alone. It's why I've given you five helpmates and others that I've placed in your path. Others that still listen and can be guided by me. They don't hear me like you are now, but I nudge them when I can.”

“Why can't you talk to them like this? Shouldn't you be all that is magic, all powerful and all knowing?” I asked her.

She smiled forlornly at me, how I knew this, I didn't know since I still couldn't see anything more than a very smudged blur. “I've been weakened. There are many reasons, but I'm not as strong as I once was, the imbalance too great and worsening. We're running out of time before it's irreversible. And when it reaches that point, we will all cease to be. Even me.”

Well, fuck. No pressure or anything. Succeed, or you'll be responsible for the death of a goddess.

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