Page 62 of Their Trials

Chapter Twenty Six: Rhowyn

Determined to keep my deeper thoughts at bay, I joined the guys in the dining room of the inn. I followed Baer to a table toward the back of the room, while the others got our food and drinks. I remained silent as I sat, my eyes wide and taking in the sight and sounds of the room. There was so much life in this one room, all the different types of fae mingling and enjoying themselves. Music sounded from one corner of the room, bolstering the mood. As I watched, couples spun around the dance floor, moving to the music in a way I had never seen before. It was almost like I had stepped back in time to a medieval era. While the dances were beautiful and hypnotic to watch, there was no formality to them, instead flowing movements and laughter harkened back to what the old Earth villages must have enjoyed during festivals and solstices.

I was captivated by the lightheartedness of it all. I wasn't foolish enough to believe that these fae had never known hard times, that there wasn't currently some sort of challenge facing them all, and yet, they were able to let everything go to just live in the moment. They knew how to embrace life and freedom, something I had never had the luxury of, having always been on guard for the next challenge.

Faced with this reality in front of me, I knew I needed to learn how to live. Simply surviving had been enough up until now, until I had met the guys, but I was finding that this was no longer the case.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Baer asked, leaning a shoulder into mine playfully and rocking me from my thoughts.

I smiled up at him. “I was just imagining what it must be like to let go like that.” I indicated the dancers and other patrons of the pub. “To feel secure enough to let themselves go and just enjoy the moment,” I admitted, my eyes still on the crowd of fae, unable to meet his eyes with that admission.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, silent as he thought of the best way to reply. “I think it's simply a choice. You decide to just let go, to understand that the problems will always be there, but that you can set them aside for the moment. Otherwise, what's the point of living if you can't enjoy it from time to time?”

I shrugged in response. “Easier said than done.” I wanted what those dancers had, but I wasn't sure how to go about getting it for myself. Fear and anxiety at the prospect of stepping so far out on the ledge from everything I had ever known were eating at me.

The other guys saved me from a response, setting down a bowl of some kind of hearty stew and bread before me. Lennox plopped a large tankard down, sloshing some of the brew over the edge as he did so. Not sure exactly what kind of liquid was filling the cup, I took a big gulp without hesitation. As it hit my tongue, a warm, honey flavor that was both succulent and sweet at the same time exploded in my mouth. I moaned at the depth of the flavor, unable to hide my shock and pleasure at the delicious beverage. “This is amazing! What is it?”

My eyes lifted to see that all of the guys were looking at me with varying degrees of heat in their eyes. I blushed slightly under the weight of their stares, realizing that my pleasure had set them off. Even Callum's expression held desire for a moment before he glanced away to take in the room, watching everyone closely.

We all fell silent, listening and watching the activities around us as we ate our stew and finished our drinks. I finished mine, feeling a little tipsy by the time I was done. “Can I get another one of these?” I asked, just now realizing they’d never told me what the drink was called. “What exactly was that?”

“It's an autumn court ale, usually not available, but widely known as the best,” Lennox said, also having finished his drink, sitting lazily in his seat and appearing relaxed.

In comparison, Callum stiffened at the pronouncement of that information. “Why isn't it usually available?” I questioned further, watching Callum's response closely.

“Because the Autumn Court hasn't made the brew for decades. The bartender just happened to have an old barrel in his stock that he'd been saving for a special occasion. A Chosen, A Prince, and an Autumn Court representative being in his humble pub seemed like a good enough time as any to open it,” Arryn explained since everyone else had fallen silent.

“Well, I have to agree. This is an amazing drink. Why haven't they made any more of it?”

“They just haven't. That's all you need to know,” Callum snapped, draining his drink and shoving up from the table to stomp away from us.

“I'll go get you another drink,” Lennox said before he made his way to the bar.

I looked to Arryn, hoping he would explain Callum's response to my questioning. He sighed and shook his head. “It's not my story to explain.”

“Why do I get the feeling that this is a story I absolutely need to hear, and yet he won't ever explain it to me,” I complained, frustrated with remaining in the dark.

“I'll have a talk with him,” Arryn said, also leaving but heading in the direction that Callum had stomped off in.

“This is why I can't let go,” I complained to Baer, disheartened by the fact that I may never know the kind of joy that the other patrons were able to embrace.

“Who says you can't?” he asked me.

“Well, no one, but there's always so much going on. How can I enjoy myself when I know that I've upset Callum, or that we're in the middle of a competition that could kill us? I need to be focused, to not let my guard down. I can't let go. The risk of doing so is not worth it.”

“Don't you see? Living like you're always on edge, like you have to be so guarded, never embracing the happiness when you can, is no life at all. No one can live that way forever. Those who try are doomed to live shorter lives, dying with no one and nothing to show for it,” Baer pleaded with me to understand.

“I wish I could. I just don't know how to. How do you act like everything is okay when it's not?” I was desperate for the answer to that question, and I met his gaze with the full scope of my feelings sitting right there on my sleeve for anyone to see.

“You just do it,” he said forcefully, his expression remaining serious before a mischievous smile lit his face. He stood, his chair scraping across the floor and drawing the attention of the fae sitting closest to us. He held out a palm to me. “May I have this dance?”

I gaped at him, at the sudden disregard for the emotions we had both just been feeling. Could it be so simple? Was it as easy as a choice to look on the bright side and ignore the problems? Unsure if I was actually able to let go, I decided that I would at least try. If anyone could teach me how to enjoy the moment, it would be Baer.

I smiled up at him. “I would love to.” He beamed as I placed my hand in his, letting him pull me to my feet and lead me to the dance floor.

As we approached the edge, I hesitated, fear getting the best of me. “I've never actually learned how to dance,” I whispered to him.

He stumbled slightly, his shock passing quickly as he smiled back at me. “Just follow my lead.”

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