Page 61 of Their Trials

Surprise flashed in Brannoc's eyes at this knowledge, though he didn't say anything. He leaned back on the couch, stretching an arm across the back when Arryn nodded at him, confirming the question that wasn't spoken.

“You need to know where the Gwyllion are,” Brannoc said without any pretense, no question in his statement. These two must have known each other well, the way they could read each other hinted at not just a history but a present relationship. Puzzled, I listened to Arryn continue, making a mental note to ask him about this later.

“You're correct. So, can you find the Gwyllion?”

Brannoc laughed, throwing his head back in amusement at the question. “You already know the answer to that, or you wouldn't have wasted your time in coming here. Of course I can. I'll have their location in the morning.” He stood with that declaration.

Callum moved to step in his path as Brannoc tried to leave. “And what's the cost? We all know that Ravens never work for free.”

Brannoc looked to Arryn, the two exchanging a heavy gaze. Arryn shook his head, and Brannoc sighed but answered Callum. “That debt has already been paid.”

When Callum still didn't move, suspicion evident in his furrowed brow and crossed arms, Brannoc burst into a flash of darkness and shadows, which cleared, leaving an actual raven in his place. He flew out the open window as my jaw hit the floor.

Holy shit! He was an actual raven. I had thought it was just a figure of speech, but I should have known better. A finger touched my chin, putting slight pressure on it and closing my mouth, a chuckle accompanying the action.

“Save that look for later, Princess. I promise that what I've got to show you will leave you just as shocked.” Lennox smirked at me playfully.

I turned to him with a laugh. “Promises. Promises,” I sing-songed before turning back to Arryn. “I thought he was bringing us clothes and stuff?”

“He did.” He gestured to the table, and I turned to find everything laid out and ready for us.

“Fucking hell, he's good,” I exhaled.

“Careful, Princess. I might just get jealous.”

Not bothering to respond to that insinuation, I walked over to the table to find my supplies, gathering them in my arms. While Brannoc was hot, I didn't feel the same pull toward him that I did for my own men. There was no chemistry, no connection. Even when Brannoc was behind me, feeling the warmth of his breath on my neck, the only thing it left me with was shivers of fear, not lust. Although, I had to admit I was curious about him.

“I promise we have nothing to worry about,” Baer said, coming to stand next to me. At my questioning look, he placed a hand on his chest. “For one, I don't feel it here. And two, I smell no attraction coming from your end. He did nothing for you in that way.”

“Good to know that y'all can read me so well,” I said sarcastically, not sure how I liked it. I mean, it was nice that I didn't always have to explain myself, but it also felt intrusive and made me feel more vulnerable than I was used to.

Changing the subject, not comfortable with thinking about sex with all of them in the same room and in such close proximity, I asked, “I guess the plan is to rest and just wait for Brannoc to return?”

Arryn nodded. “Not much else we can do.”

I turned to leave, heading toward the only other door in the room, confident that it held a shower or something similar. I paused halfway there though, a thought occurring to me. “Can we trust him?”

Arryn held my gaze, imploring me to understand the depth and honesty in his answer. It wasn't necessary because I could feel it through the bond. “With our lives.”

“Why do I get the feeling that there's more to this? What am I missing?” I asked him.

“I saved Brannoc's life once. He owes me this much at least.” He left it at that, but I knew I'd need to know more eventually. My curiosity wouldn’t allow me to drop the questions I had, but I was trying to respect his need for distance as well. If nothing else, I understood that need to keep some things hidden, especially the parts I wasn't proud of.

Letting him off the hook, I announced that I would be taking a shower. Lennox tried to follow me into the room, but I pushed him out with a laugh, needing a moment to myself to reflect on everything that had happened so far today.

I stood under the spray of warm water, the perfect temperature to ease my aching muscles, just letting the water run over my head as I slowly relaxed. It seemed like I was constantly tense these days, the only time I'd been able to relax coming after sex with Arryn and Baer.

Even then, I was still guarded. Although, those walls I had spent decades building were slowly starting to crumble around me, leaving me more exposed than I had ever been before. I wasn't sure how I was going to protect myself without those walls. I'd already given up hope of keeping them up, each one of the guys finding the cracks and widening them before I even knew what had happened. It was a waste of energy to keep trying to repair them, so instead, I needed to find a way to protect myself without them.

It's not that I didn't trust them. I did. Surprisingly, I believed in them more than I had anyone else in my life. The problem was exactly that. I had no experience of how to be vulnerable, how to let people in. I knew nothing of relationships or how to make them work. I'd never seen any examples or experienced a healthy partnership. The only example I had was an alcoholic and drug addict for a mother. Somehow, I had a feeling that she wasn't exactly the best role model for how to live my life.

How was I going to manage letting them in while also keeping my heart safe? How could I know for sure that they wouldn't be ripped away from me, destroying me in the process?

I'd already experienced a taste of that with Baer. Even the thought of how close we’d come to losing him threatened to bring me to my knees, but it was a reminder of how quickly things could change. I wouldn't always be there to save them, and it seemed that we were only facing more and more danger as time went on. The risk was greater now than when we had started.

Everything could change in the blink of an eye, and I had no say in that. All of us were at the mercies of the fates. I hated the powerlessness in that truth, that fact that I had no control. There was nothing I could do to keep them safe, which meant my heart was even more vulnerable.

Already, these men were becoming an integral part of my life, my world, myself. Without any one of them, I knew without a doubt I'd be lost and that scared me more than anything else I'd ever faced.

---