Page 84 of Their Trials

As I watched the love they shared in that moment, so many things made so much more sense now. My mother’s complete inability to cope, her need to drown her sorrow in drugs and alcohol. All because she had lost this man who I could tell was her rock. Some of my anger at my mother faded. Some people were just not strong enough to make it on their own, much less as the sole provider for a child. Knowing that she’d been ripped from everything was one thing, but seeing it as I was now, I could understand the pain.

Before coming to Avalon, I had never needed anyone else, having depended solely on myself for so long. But now, everything had changed when these men strolled into my life, making me need them in ways I could never have foreseen. They each provided me with something I had been missing, making me feel complete for the first time ever. I had never even considered that I wasn’t whole, just assuming I was, though now I knew better.

As I imagined losing them, having to be a world away, unsure of whether or not they were okay, I could finally see why she fell apart. I would like to think that in a similar situation I would be stronger, but no one truly knew how they would respond until faced with the dilemma.

These thoughts flashed through my mind, an epiphany lasting only seconds as my brain made connections. Some questions were answered, but still so many more were left unanswered. I blinked, and the image of my parents faded from my view, leaving the cold, damp stone of the cave before me.

I whirled, not quite ready to let that image of them go. I needed to know more, needed answers to the questions that plagued me. Was this mysterious friend of my father’s the person who was responsible for my glamor and the lock on my magic? What had happened to my father after my mother had been sent to Earth? Where was he now? Was he even still alive? And what did this all mean for me? What was I? If my father had feared what Titania would do, would I be safe from her once my glamor had been removed?

I was getting sick and tired of having all these questions and no answers. Just when I thought I was getting close to them, the truth was ripped away and replaced with only more questions. And now, here I was, stuck in a cave with only my questions to keep me company. My temper flared inside me, anger at the Lady of the Lake, who would show me this vision yet remain hidden so that she didn’t have to answer my questions.

“Is this some kind of game to you?” I yelled, my arms flinging outward. “Do you get some kind of sick enjoyment out of watching me flounder? Out of giving me pieces of a puzzle you know I can’t complete?”

I felt the presence in my mind again, searching for something. Instead of allowing her access to my thoughts, I focused on building a wall inside my head, impenetrable to her probing. “You don’t get anything else from me until you show yourself and answer some of my questions!”

“Silly child.” A silky voice sounded out from behind me as if carried on the wind, almost musical in its cadence. “Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to ask questions for which you don’t want to know the answer?”

I whirled to face the sound of her voice, knowing on instinct that this was the Lady. When I turned back to what should have been a cave wall, I found I was standing in a luxurious home that would have put the mansions on Earth to shame.

A crackling fire danced in a hearth. I had never seen a hearth before, always assuming it was simply a large fireplace, but this was so much more. Ornate and carved from stone, it stood as an imposing sentinel over the room, with sumptuous couches and soft carpets adorning the floors. Bright lights lit up the area as if coming from a solid wall of windows, but no source was visible. A common theme I was finding here in Avalon.

My eyes darted around the area, taking in as many details as I could before landing on the curvaceous and seductive woman lounging on a chaise across the room, completely unburdened by my tirade. A mischievous smile graced her face, only adding to her allure. She was fae and yet so much more, although I couldn’t explain why I knew that.

Crossing my arms over my chest and cocking out a hip, I said, “And what answers do you assume I don’t want to know?”

She laughed at me then, causing my anger to flare higher, flashing like the flames in the hearth. Her laughter tinkled in a musical and seductive melody. “There are things we are never meant to know, for if we do, we would crumble under the weight of such knowledge. So, forgive me, child, but I doubt you could handle such a weight. Even with your delectable men to help.”

Unable to argue that point, I decided to narrow my focus. “Why show me that vision?”

“I simply unlocked a memory, hidden from you for your protection while on Earth. Now that you are back in Avalon, there’s no further need for such protections, and I decided that you could handle the trivial information.” She reached an arm out to the side and plucked a grape from a tray sitting next to her lounge.

Considering her words carefully, feeling as if there was more going on here than I was aware of, I asked, “Are there more memories locked away?”

“In my perusal of your mind, I was able to determine that there is so much about you that is inhibited.” She clucked at me in a false concern, “Poor thing. It’s a wonder you’re not a shriveled, drooling mess with all the tampering that’s been done.”

Ignoring her condescending and bored tone, which grated on my nerves, I pushed forward. “So you know why I can’t access my own magic and why my glamor can’t be removed?”

She arched a brow at me in approval. “Maybe you aren’t quite as useless as I initially thought.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” I snapped at her, irritated with her lackadaisical attitude.

She sat forward, narrowing her eyes at me, studying me closely. “Are you sure you want those answers?”

For the first time, concern started to peek through my anger. My mind whirled with all the possibilities of what she could tell me and what it might mean for me. “Good. You’re at least smart enough to understand the consequences of knowledge. Once you know something, you therefore become responsible for that information and must decide what to do with it. There’s no unringing a bell once it’s been rung.”

“Do I really have a choice? I could continue to flounder, or I could finally get some answers. After all, knowledge is power, right?” I countered.

She stood and glided over to me until she was within arm’s reach. It took everything in me to remain standing where I was, her magic cascading over me and proving just how powerless I truly was. Studying me closely for my reaction, I could see the moment she made a decision, her eyes flashing briefly as she said, “If you insist.”

Her slender hand reached out, and I couldn’t stop the flinch that my instincts thrust upon me. As I opened my eyes back, her hand brushed against my temple, her magic shooting into me and immediately my memories from before Earth came rushing back. Granted, there weren’t many since I had only been a baby, but the flash of images across my mind almost dropped me to my knees. Not painful, but not pleasant either.

I gasped, bracing my hands on my knees, still aware of the predator that was watching me, as I tried to get my bearings back. Once my muscles started to relax, she stated, “There. Was it everything you hoped for?”

Evaluating the new information, I realized that it wasn’t really all that helpful for my situation now, even if the pieces were disjointed and misaligned in mind. I pushed back to standing, keeping my eyes on the threat before me. She was toying with me, her smirk indicating she knew so much more. “Obviously, it didn’t. But you know that already, don’t you?”

It wasn’t much of a question. We both knew it for the statement it was. Ignoring that answer, she simply waved a hand as if she couldn’t be bothered, turning her back on me before gliding over to her lounge. Once seated, she took a long sip of her drink. I could see the wheels turning in her mind as she regarded me, her head tilting to the side, her glass dangling from her fingers. “Why have you sought me out, child?”

“I thought you knew already? Isn’t that what the pointless tunnels were for? To give you the opportunity to assess me and my purpose?” I retorted.

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