Page 72 of Their Trials

The sun crept over the horizon, slowly lighting the cave that Rhowyn and I were sheltering in. My ears twitched at each rustle of leaves as I rested my head on my paws, alert for any more threats. This form allowed me access to enhanced senses far beyond what I had in my fae form. After the attack from the kobolds last night, I refused to let down my defenses again, staying awake all night.

For some reason that I wasn’t quite ready to examine, I remained curled around Rhowyn’s sleeping form, taking comfort from having her so close to me. In this form, it shouldn’t have been so intimate, lying here next to her, but it was. My animal side was enamored with her and was without all the hangups that my fae form had. He simply saw something that he wanted, taking pleasure from her touch as we wrapped ourselves around her.

While I could shift into multiple animals, having greater control and magic than most other Autumn Fae as was my birthright, the wolf was my favorite. However, no matter which animal I switched to, it was always the same animal mind that resided in my head with me. The same instincts and cravings assaulted me with each shift, and it was always a struggle to maintain my own thoughts, remaining present the entire time I was shifted.

There were some Autumn Fae with the ability to shift, who lost themselves completely to the animal, unable to change back. For years, it was drilled into me to keep control while shifted. A delicate balance had to be maintained, one where you allowed the animal enough room to pursue its instincts while also holding the animal back when those instincts were counterproductive or would cause harm unintentionally. The balance between animal and man was what allowed for the successful change from one creature to the next.

A quiet moan sounded from Rhowyn beside me, and I lifted my head, my ears perking up, to watch her shift, still asleep but dreaming of something obviously pleasurable. Unable to stop myself, I rested my large head across one of her thighs, needing to be closer to her while also maintaining my vigilance. She shifted at the weight of my head on her before settling back down, her new position more comfortable for both of us. My tail flicked back and forth slowly in pleasure at the thought that even in her sleep, she was just as drawn to me.

Things were so much simpler in animal form. I didn’t have to worry about all the things that plagued me while in my fae body. I didn’t have to think about how Rhowyn was not a long-term option, despite how much we both craved her.

If Arryn, Baer, Lennox, and I had our way, Rhowyn would become our next Queen, but she had vehemently fought against that outcome from the start. A part of me feared that she would abandon us as soon as the trials were over, and I didn’t think I could take another loss on such a level. Which meant keeping my distance from her for now.

Granted, that wasn’t the only thing keeping me away, but I didn’t want to think about any of that now. A twig cracked in the woods, and I was instantly on high alert. Slowly, I crept to the mouth of the cave and searched for the source, relaxing slightly when the scent of rabbit drifted past me. I glanced back at Rhowyn’s still form to ensure she was safe and still sleeping before I allowed my animal enough reins to go on the hunt.

His ecstasy filtered through my mind, the absolute pleasure of hunting after such a long absence and inability. While in the castle, I’d had to sneak out in order to shift, unable to hunt or indulge my animal more than the basic freedom of being fully present for short bursts of time whenever I could manage it.

Now, he exalted in being given the okay to do what he did best. Both Rhowyn and I would need sustenance, and this was the best way to provide it; although it wouldn’t be near long enough to fully satisfy him, it was better than nothing. He didn’t fight the pull to return to Rhowyn, our Chosen who was currently weak and vulnerable in the cave without us there to watch over her.

Finally satisfied with our hunt, three rabbits and a squirrel, we headed back to the cave where we would sit until the others found us. I figured we wouldn’t have long to wait, my certainty that the Raven would locate us quickly carrying me along faster. I wanted to ensure that Rhowyn was able to eat and regain her strength after yesterday before we set out again to find the Gwyllion.

I allowed my animal the opportunity to eat two of the rabbits before I shifted to my fae form outside the cave to skin and clean the rest for Rhowyn. I’d ensured she was still sleeping before coming back out to finish preparations. After shredding my clothes during my unexpected shift, I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by staying in my fae form.

Not only that, but with so few barriers between us, I wasn’t sure I would be able to resist her pull and ensure that we kept our distance. I didn’t need any more headaches at this point, so as soon as the rabbit and squirrel were cooked, I shifted back to my animal form. As the animals cooled, I curled up next to Rhowyn again, resuming my watch. Slowly, the shadows crawled across the ground, the only indication that the morning was passing. The light dappled the forest floor, the sun's light blocked by the thick foliage.

After an hour or two, Rhowyn started shifting, indicating she was on the verge of waking. I ignored her movements and kept my eyes on the opening of the cave, still waiting for the others to find us. I was surprised they hadn't yet. Something must be holding them up. I didn't feel any alarm or danger through our bond, but my connection to them was muted in comparison to Rhowyn's.

“Good morning,” chimed Rhowyn from where she lay beside me, stretching her arms above her head, her abdomen peeking out as she did. I licked my lips as the sudden desire to lick her all over consumed me and my animal. Somehow, I kept myself from following through on that, simply dipping my head in acknowledgment of her greeting.

She sat up and looked around. “Is there a reason you're still in wolf form?” she asked.

Obviously unable to answer her in this form, I stared at her for a long moment before rising to trot over to the mess of what used to be my clothes. Her brow furrowed as she stood and followed, unable to make out what the lump of fabric was until she was almost on top of it.

“Oh,” she said, blushing as she put two and two together. She was a quick thinker, just another thing that was attractive about her. “Yeah, I'd rather you stay in that form instead of prancing around here butt ass naked,” she said with a laugh at the image.

I snarled as I glared at her, making my displeasure known. A man of my size most definitely did not prance. Stalked, stormed, or simply walked would be a much more apt description. Unfazed, she kept laughing. One thing I wasn't exactly crazy about was her unfailing ability to annoy me. It was if she purposely tried to get on my nerves or do things that would aggravate me. Who was I kidding? That was exactly what she was doing.

Ignoring her, I walked back to the fire, shoving my nose into the rabbit and squirrel I'd left for her. Her eyes followed my movements as I did. Not wasting any time once she'd realized I was giving her something to eat, she snatched the rabbit up first and started to eat.

Halfway through, she finally slowed down, “So, I'm assuming you shifted back to cook these?” She held out the half-eaten rabbit still on the stick to indicate what she meant.

I huffed out in annoyance, turning away from her. Again, she laughed. “You know, I think I like you much better in this form.”

I whipped my head to glare at her again, causing her to burst out laughing. “Definitely much more enjoyable. I don't have to listen to your complaints about everything I do.”

As if trying to really annoy me, she reached across with her greasy fingers and rubbed my head, scratching between my ears playfully. I was annoyed. My animal, not so much. He enjoyed her touch and leaned into it before I could stop him. Fuck my life.

She fell back into silence as she finished her meal, sitting next to me companionably. This was nice. Just sitting here, enjoying being next to her without any concerns or demands placed on us. Just basking in each other's company. It was too easy to picture a future where this happened more frequently and in my fae form.

I shook my head and stood to get away from the moment. I wouldn't allow myself to grow too comfortable around her. She was already digging her way too deeply into my life. I didn't want her taking root in my heart, too. It would only hurt that much more when she ripped herself away or even worse, was ripped from me.

“You think the others will be here soon?” she asked, standing next to me to gaze out at the trees, as if I could answer her in this form. On a whisper, she admitted, “I kinda miss them already. I shouldn't. We haven't been apart for very long, but I do. I'm ready to see them again.”

I watched her as she opened herself up to me and not once did she glance at me. It was as if by me being in this form, she felt she could let her guard down. Of course, that was probably just wishful thinking, but it would be nice if she grew to love it here in Avalon enough to stay after the trials. Maybe then, I could let myself fall for her. It wouldn't even be that hard.

Shaking herself from her reverie, she turned to face me. “So, I know you had told me before about shifting, but I don't think it really hit me until you did last night. And now that I'm thinking about it, I can't help but wonder if I can shift, too? Think I can?” she asked me.

I huffed out a laugh, or as much of a laugh as I could in this form, shaking my head.

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