Page 69 of Their Trials

“It's not like I'm trying to. I'm just so used to keeping everyone out that I guess I'm doing it out of habit.”

“Well, stop. It does us no good to have you shut off from us all the time. It's meant to help guide us in meeting your needs and keeping you safe,” he grumped at me.

Rolling my eyes, I realized he hadn't answered my earlier question. “How long have I been out?”

“You were unconscious longer than I’d like, but it's only been a few hours since the sun set. We've got a long night ahead of us.” He bent down and picked something up, handing it over to me.

“Eat this and then get some rest.”

“What about you?” I asked, sitting down next to the fire to eat. Now that I was thinking about it, I was famished, my stomach growling. This wouldn't be enough to fully satisfy my hunger, but it would at least take the edge off.

“I've already eaten, and I plan to stay up and keep watch.”

“Are we not safe?” I asked him between bites.

“As safe as we can be, but I like to be vigilant anyway. Never hurts to be too cautious,” he answered simply, moving to the mouth of the cave.

I scarfed down my food with little concern about the juices that ran down my chin, wiping my face and hands with the hem of my tunic. A shiver ran through me, and I scooted as close as I could get to the fire without actually setting myself aflame, the temperature continuing to drop as the night settled in.

I let my mind wander as I studied my surroundings without taking in any details, my thoughts turning to the trials and how I was going to go back to the life I’d lived before I was thrown into all of this. My girls were still waiting for me to come back, and I refused to leave them behind, forgotten and discarded. They didn’t ask for the hard lives that were handed to them, punished for simply existing. That feeling was all too familiar, and I wouldn’t be the one responsible for abandoning them.

However, I couldn’t reconcile going back to Earth, especially with the things I knew now. Not to mention the connections I was forming with the guys. Now that I had found my family and heritage, I finally felt like I could find my place in this world, do something worthwhile. For once, I had the chance to do more than just survive; I could see myself thriving here.

So how did I take what I want, because I wanted this more than I realized, without hurting my girls in the process? How was one person supposed to be in two places at once?

Needing a change from my maudlin thoughts, I spoke into the darkness, my voice cutting through the silence that surrounded us sounding louder than I had intended. “Why did the pixies stop chasing us after we entered the water?” The question had been niggling at me since I’d woken.

Startling, Callum turned to face me. “I don’t know for sure. Arryn would probably be able to answer you better than I can. All I know is that all water is considered pure, to some degree, and repels certain creatures such as the pixies.”

I nodded as if that made sense. Changing the topic again, I asked, “How come I was paralyzed by their bites and no one else was?” I shivered at the thought of being helpless. I never wanted to feel that way again. Able to feel and witness everything that was happening but unable to do anything to change it. It was like those nightmares that we all had, where no matter what we did, our bodies wouldn’t cooperate.

“It’s because you don’t have access to your fae healing. All of us purge the venom almost immediately due to our healing abilities, but with your glamor in place, those natural defenses are hindered. Whereas we simply feel an annoying pinch of pain, your body is vulnerable to their bites. We can be swarmed and slowly overwhelmed that way if too much venom is introduced that, even with our natural healing tendencies, we can become paralyzed, but it’s rare.”

We sat in silence, both of us staring at the fire and lost in our own thoughts. “I don’t know if I’m ready for the glamor to be removed, or if I want it to stay in place forever," I admitted out loud, the words whispered almost under my breath, my voice barely carrying to him even with his fae hearing.

“I don’t think there’s any going back,” he said in response. At my questioning look, he shrugged and continued. “You’ve already started to crack it. You’ve admitted as much. Once something like that is broken, it can never go back to the way it was.”

His last words were spoken as if he were thinking of something else entirely. I knew the feeling. “No. On Earth, there’s a saying, ‘You can never go home’. I think it’s quite apt in this situation. The only thing that’s certain is that everything changes.”

He flinched at my words, which were meant to commiserate, but he responded as if they’d wounded him instead. “In my case, those words are more literal than they were probably intended,” he whispered, voice breaking with the admission.

Needing to know more and tired of the constant dancing around this topic, I decided to push him. Maybe with us being secluded and alone, he would finally let me in enough to tell me the story. “What happened?” My words were woefully inadequate, but it was the best way I could think of to broach the topic without pushing him too far.

For a long moment, I didn’t think he would answer me, choosing instead to ignore me. The ache in my heart at that thought was more than I expected. I wanted in. I wanted to push through his walls and gruff exterior. There was more to him than the asshole he presented. Just like Lennox, he was wounded, lashing out to protect himself from further pain.

I sighed, disappointed that despite all we’d been through, he was still keeping me out. Just when I had made the decision that I should lie down and rest, he began to speak, “When I was a young fae, about forty years old, I met Lennox. My parents were the leaders of the Autumn court and had finally deemed me old enough to start learning my role as the future leader. Unlike the Queen’s Court, each territory has a ruling family that all answer to the Queen that has been chosen to rule the land. That way no single fae can upset the balance of magic which is necessary for our land to thrive.” He paused, shifting slightly, still not meeting my gaze. I held my breath, waiting for him to continue, too afraid that the slightest movement would halt him from explaining his history.

“So, there I was, my first time in Court, trying to find my place and learn my new role. I was in the training yard, still expected to keep up my studies. Autumn fae are usually the most skilled in warfare, our passionate natures lending themselves to the fight.” He smiled softly, his eyes tinged with sadness. This was a fond memory that still brought him sadness.

“I had just finished training when this little dark-haired youngling entered the yard. He was scrawny and utterly lacking in any physical prowess, obviously a couple of decades my junior. But what stood out to me was the fact that he was being pushed around by a group of others closer to my age and size. They were mocking him as he tried to lift a sword that weighed more than he did.

“As I watched, the teasing started to take a physical turn, and the boys pushed this scrawny fae to the ground, spitting on him and kicking him. All laughing at him and his inability to defend himself.” Callum’s voice grew disgusted at the memory of the bullies teasing the boy. Still, I remained as unmoving as a statue, letting him tell his story in his own way and time.

“Unable to stand their cowardly acts, I decided to intervene. Honor is a trait prized among the fae. Acts of cowardice are shunned by our society, but it doesn’t stop people from partaking in them. They simply find more cunning and conniving ways to get what they want, taking from those who are deemed weaker than them.” He looked up at me with this statement, as if to say he missed those simpler times, when honor was more easily distinguishable from cowardice.

Glancing away again, he continued, “After thrashing all the boys thoroughly in front of their peers and adults, they ran away to hide from their shame, leaving me with the boy. After that day, he followed me around everywhere. I was his hero, like a big brother to him.

“Of course, at the time, I didn’t want some young and pesky kid hanging around me as I took up the mantle of adulthood, but he slowly wormed his way into my affections. A decade later and we were almost inseparable, both of us causing mischief as we ran around the castle.

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