Page 10 of Their Trials

This was all getting so much more complicated than I had ever wanted it to be. What was supposed to be a simple trip to express my desire to be released from the trials and deny my desire for the throne of Avalon had now turned into a life-and-death situation. Any one of us could have been killed, either by the ivy or the Cú Síth, and I was certain we had only seen the tip of the iceberg. There would be so much more to face and with deadly consequences. The gravity of the situation was starting to weigh on me.

Whereas before, I knew the trials would be dangerous; now, I knew for certain just what all that could entail and just how poorly equipped I was to get out of this without significant help. These men, who didn't know me until a week ago, were now all that stood between me and certain death.

I couldn't help the wave of guilt that accompanied that thought, that these men had to be tied to someone utterly useless during these trials, risking their own lives and well-being to help me survive while never asking for anything from me in return.

My throat tightened at the depths of their selflessness, and I ducked my head, watching my feet as we walked, trying to hide the emotions from them. An arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug and halting my progress forward.

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the emotions, not wanting to hinder us anymore than I already had, but the arms around me tightened. They wrapped themselves around me, encompassing me completely in their safety and security, something so completely foreign to me.

I knew others had felt safe and secure, but I had never known the feeling. At least, not that I could recall. My entire life had been spent looking over my shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’d had to build a fortress around my heart and mind to keep myself going. Surviving.

I might have found a place on Earth that I could eventually see myself belonging to, but I had never really let the walls down. No real relationships tying me to that place. I kept myself friendly but distant from everyone for fear of betrayal or having them used against me.

So, finding the solace I so desperately craved without ever knowing what I was missing, in a place of such danger and intrigue, rocked me to the very center of my being. I slowly wrapped my arms around Baer, his honeysuckle and ozone scent giving him away even though my eyes were closed, clinging to him like my sanity depended on it.

After several minutes of just breathing him in and shoving my emotions back into the box that I couldn't afford to touch right now, I slowly opened my eyes and met his smoky blue gaze. “Thank you,” I whispered, pushing my gratitude to him through our bond.

“Anytime, Killer,” he whispered back, still not releasing me until I pulled away from him. I couldn't allow myself to linger for fear that I would never be able to put myself back together again.

I found all the guys watching me with varying looks on their faces. Baer and Arryn looked at me with such devotion and tenderness that I quickly glanced away, not wanting to fall prey to my feelings again. Lennox had a haunted look on his face that he quickly shifted to his signature smirk. I couldn't help my resulting grin until I met Callum's gaze.

He studied me, his face blank except for the muscle that jumped in his jaw. I braced myself in preparation for some scathing look or retort to my mini breakdown, but he simply nodded, so minutely that I could barely see his head move, before turning to walk away again.

I huffed in response, glad to see that they were all returning to their previous demeanors. It put me back on solid ground, knowing where they all stood and how to proceed with them.

“I take it you all can feel my emotions, too?” I asked Baer as we walked beside each other. He was still hovering, but instead of being annoying, I felt a burst of happiness at the idea.

He rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. “Yeah,” he admitted with a blush.

“We can even feel your pain now,” Arryn chimed in matter-of-factly. “It helps us to do our jobs as Consorts better. We will always know when you're hurting so we can protect you, both emotionally and physically.”

“That can't always be pleasant. What if I'm training and I get hit? Technically I'm not in danger, so will you still feel every time I get punched?” I asked them.

“Yes,” Lennox said simply.

“Is there a way to block it? I don't want y'all to feel that every time I'm training if I can help it. And I definitely don't want to stop training,” I inquired, trying to understand this new bond we had.

“It's possible,” Arryn admitted hesitantly. “Although I'd rather you not block yourself from us, I can't deny you that right.”

“I'd like to know. Just in case. It never hurts to have more knowledge,” I told him.

Unable to argue with me, he nodded. “You should be able to feel our emotions in your own mind, usually in the background unless it's a strong feeling.”

Listening to him, I searched my mind and found them there, surprised that I hadn't noticed them before like I had after waking from my injuries before the trials. As if aware of my thoughts, Arryn continued, “You can block both our emotions from you and yours from us by simply building a wall or box in your mind around them.”

Picturing the idea, I went about building a brick wall in my mind around my own emotions and thoughts, blocking their bonds from mine. In the corner of my eye, I saw Baer rub his chest.

“That feels so weird,” he said, indicating that my wall was successful in blocking them. I smiled up at him in triumph, his own smile a mix of discomfort and pleasure.

Not liking his unease, I took the wall down in my mind, allowing them access to my bond again. Baer threw his arm over my shoulders, our steps syncing up as we trudged along.

“You're a fast learner,” Arryn commented, drawing my attention back to him.

Not thinking, I replied, “I've always had to be.” I didn't elaborate, knowing they'd understand what I wasn’t saying. That if I wasn't a quick thinker, then I wouldn't have survived this long.

“I hate that,” Baer said, grimacing at my insinuations.

“It is what it is,” I told him, not wanting him to feel bad about it. “It's made me stronger. In ways I never could have imagined.”

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