“I just thought that was all make believe! I never thought it was possible!” I exclaimed, interrupting him again.
He sighed. “Are you done interrupting me yet?”
“Yup! Sorry,” I apologized sheepishly, realizing I was being quite rude. “Please continue. I'll try not to interrupt again, it's just that this is kind of really cool,” I told him.
“Well, Autumn usually starts to cool off towards the end,” I giggled, realizing he didn't understand American slang. He glared at me before continuing, “However, wind and cold are controlled by Spring and Winter, respectively. Autumn fae also have a drive for knowledge and the arts. In creating it and obtaining it. Finally, there's fire, the most unpredictable and dangerous of the elements that only a rare few can manage safely. It takes decades to master and control. I have both animal magic and fire,” he finished proudly.
Conceited much? I thought to myself, knowing better than to say it out loud. Instead, I kept my thoughts to myself. “Okay, so how does this apply to me? How do we find out which one I have an affinity for?” I asked him, changing the subject.
“There are any number of ways to go about this, but the most common is to take a deeper look at your magical core. By doing so, you should just know. Which would save us all quite a bit of time,” he told me, almost annoyed that he had to deal with me.
Feeling a little defensive, I replied, “Okay, Yoda, how exactly do I go about doing that? And how do I know what I'm even looking at when I do this?”
He sighed, a puzzled look at my nickname for him, but he ignored it. “As I said earlier, each season has a feeling to it. The seasons themselves represent life and death respectively. Accordingly, you should be able to tell me how your magic feels to you. Based on that, we should know better which direction to go in.”
“So, I just do what I did yesterday with Master Jude?” I asked, not really believing this would work.
“Yes. You should meditate and pull on your magic inside you, listening to what it has to say to you,” he grumbled, crossing his arms in irritation with me. Patience was not his strong suit.
I huffed but sat down on the mats, crossing my legs in preparation of meditating. “Fine. But no promises. I have no idea how to do whatever it is you’re asking me to do, but I'll give it my best shot.”
I closed my eyes, and as I started to focus, I heard him shuffle around, eventually sitting next to me. I could feel his gaze on me, drawing my attention to the warmth that seemed to radiate from him, warmer than a normal person would emit in body heat. I wondered if it was because his element was fire, and then what it would be like to lie with him. If he was this warm now, I could only imagine how hot he would be in the throes of passion.
“Focus,” he growled at me, obviously aware somehow that my mind was not on the same kind of magic. That growl did something to me every time, and it did not help me to focus. If anything, it made it more difficult to keep my mind from picturing him making that noise as he came.
Ugh! That's not where my mind needed to be right now. I needed to focus. I needed to know how to use my magic so I could survive these damn trials and go home. I didn't need to get entangled with yet another of my consorts. Two was enough for me for now. Two was too many honestly, more than I had ever been drawn to at one time. What was with me lately?
“You need to focus, Rhowyn. You can't expect to get anything done without it. You obviously know how to; you wouldn't be as skilled as you are in combat if you didn't. So, take that same drive and turn it to this,” he chastised me again. This time, I was only mad at myself, because he was right.
“I'm trying. I really am, but you're distracting,” I admitted to him.
“Me? How am I distracting? I'm just sitting here,” he asked, flabbergasted with my accusation.
“Yes, you. I can feel the heat from your body, and you’re growling. It's making me think of other stuff besides finding my magic,” I explained to him, my eyes still closed.
“And what, you want me to turn off my body heat?”
“I don't know, but with you this close, I can't think of anything other than seeing if you would burn me if I touched you,” I admitted to him reluctantly, but needing him to leave so I could focus on what we needed to be doing.
He was silent for a long moment, not making a noise, but I could still feel him watching me and the warmth from his body. Finally, he shuffled and then stood, moving away from me.
I took a deep breath, the first one since he'd sat down next to me. I repeated that process until, finally, I could feel my consciousness slipping into my body and heading for that ball of magic I had discovered a couple of days ago. It glowed and pulsed inside me now, dancing to the rhythm of my life, my heart, my breaths, my thoughts. It was everything that made me who I was, and yet I knew nothing about it.
I pictured myself catching a strand that flicked by my view, lightly closing my imaginary hand around it. I felt it hum through me, from my fingertips to my head and then back down to my toes. It buzzed inside me, causing me to inhale in shock at the fullness I suddenly felt. It was intoxicating, this feeling, and I wondered how I could have gone my whole life without ever knowing what it felt like.
“Describe what you're feeling to me.” Callum's voice drifted to me, softly and just outside of my hearing, careful not to disturb my meditative state.
“I don't know. It's consuming. To the point I can hardly think of anything else,” I admitted, still buzzing as the magic poured through me. But as I sat there, I drew in more and more strands, the pressure of the magic building within me until I started to feel an ache. As more and more magic coursed through my veins, my cells, I started to feel electric, almost as if I had stuck my finger into an outlet.
The longer I sat there, the more the pressure grew, to the point that I was now starting to hurt in my fingers and toes, and I could feel it creeping up my arms. Panic ensued, but I didn't know why. I felt like I would combust if I didn't release the magic, but I didn't know how. A tear ran down my cheek as the pain built inside me, both mentally and physically.
“Rhowyn, let it go,” Callum demanded harshly, realizing what was going on.
“I... I c-can't.” I gasped out as the tears started to flow more freely, the magic consuming me, now up to my elbows and burning my insides.
“You must let it go. Let it go now, Rhowyn!” His tone became more insistent, and I heard more footsteps rushing over to us. He was close to me now. If I had to guess, he was crouching in front of me. His concern added to my panic I was now feeling because I couldn't seem to stop this.
“I'm trying!” I gasped through my clenched teeth, the pain becoming more unbearable, and I briefly wondered how I was still sitting upright and not curled into a fetal position.