Page 42 of A Crane Family New Year

“I remember. When I found out you were up at four a.m., I asked if you’d just gotten up or hadn’t gone to bed yet.” He’d told her he’d stayed up most of the night watching old black-and-white horror films but admitted to taking a catnap or two. He’d woken up for water and happened to check his phone.

“You confessed that leaving home to move in with a friend in Chicago had scared you more than anything.”

It had. She’d visited a friend who lived in an apartment in the city. At twenty-six years old, she’d moved out of her parents’ house but still didn’t feel as if she were on her own. Though she’d visited other cities—Atlanta, New York City, Miami—it was Chicago that had felt most like home.

“That was a big leap for you,” he said.

“Huge. If I’d known how well everything would have fallen into place—the job, the apartment, friends, I would have moved here sooner.” Though the significant other box remained unchecked, she’d found most of what she needed here.

“I’m happy for you, Chloe.”

Since that comment sounded like a prelude to goodbye, she wasn’t able to smile. “I was honest with you about what scared me, and you told me a half-truth.”

His eyebrows met over his nose. “How do you mean?”

“You told me that leaving your job to start your own company had scared you more than anything. I imagine losing Emily was scarier than that. I understand why you didn’t mention her, though.”

He pulled in a breath that puffed up his chest. After licking his lips, he spoke, almost like he was leveling with her. “Losing someone you love probably seems like the scariest part of life, but Emily’s passing was strangely beautiful. It’s the anticipation of it that hurts most.”

She swam in the blue of his eyes, her heart aching for the pain he’d suffered. He met her gaze unerringly.

“I didn’t sleep when she was sick. That’s what no one tells you. You don’t sleep when someone you love could die at any moment. What if you miss their last breath? The anticipation of what will come, and how and when, is scarier than the actual moment they leave. It was eight months of crippling insomnia and anxiety.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It wasn’t all bad. We laughed a lot during those days.”

She hadn’t expected him to say that.

“She was in good spirits toward the end—before the very end.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry if I’m oversharing.”

“Don’t apologize.” She flattened her hand over his heart, where it beat strong against her palm. “I don’t expect more from you than you’re ready to give. I really understand.”

“That’s just it, Chloe. You don’t understand me.” His expression bordered on stern. “That time of my life is behind me. I’ll never forget her, and I’ll always love her. But that doesn’t mean I’m not ready for more.”

She blinked up at him and tried to process what he was saying.

“I’ve been hiding out in this house deciding if it was too soon to tell you that I am ready for more. With you, if that’s not crazy. Is that crazy?” A sliver of doubt had crept onto his face.

“It should be crazy.” She whispered the words. But they’d met months ago. Technically. She’d truly connected with him, both on the app and in person tonight.

“When you messaged me to ask me out?—”

“I scared you.”

“Yes. I didn’t handle it well, I admit. What if, despite how great you seemed, you wound up being like other men I’ve dated?”

“The ones who disappointed you.” His mouth pulled into a deeper frown.

“I overheard Jaylyn say that Emily made you promise to kiss a woman on New Year’s Eve. I assume that’s why you sent me that message. So that you could kiss me and fulfill your promise.”

“Initially, yes.” His nostrils flared as he looked over his shoulder to where Jaylyn was snuggled up to the keyboardist.

“It’s my fault. She and Eli were talking. I was eavesdropping. I was desperate to find out how you were feeling. When she said that you didn’t want a casual relationship, I assumed you were done with me entirely.”

“That’s not true.” Honest blue eyes found hers. “I connected with you on a level so strongly, I wasn’t sure what to do next. You were the one who ghosted me and then asked me to leave the bedroom without you.”

“Well, it sounds bad when you say it like that.”

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