Page 16 of The Awakening

“Listen, I know what you guys are thinking, and I’m here to tell you I’m fine. I lost myself, yes, but Dean helped bring me back. I’m fine now and would like to continue my training.” There’s a long pause in the room as Everett’s gaze weighs heavily on my face. My cheeks redden as his assessment of me is clear. He doesn’t want this to continue. He doesn’t want me to continue. I shift my eyes to Arno—the heat of Everett’s glare is too much for me at the moment. Arno’s gaze is on me, his expression more somber, but there’s also a sliver of concern in the way he’s pinching his eyebrows together. I don’t bother looking at Dean. I know he never wanted me to go through with this training, and after today, I’m sure he’s still standing strong with his opinion.

“I think she can handle herself, mates. She can do this. She should continue.” Dean’s voice was the last one I expected to speak up or defend my decision on the matter. Now I do look at Dean. The side of his face is set and hard as he stares between Everett and Arno, awaiting their response.

“Listen, mate, she doesn’t need to do this.” Everett’s tone is stern, the look in his eyes displaying how much he doesn’t want to have this discussion.

“She’ll be better protected once she completes her training. You know this, Everett.” I don’t look at Dean as he addresses Everett, I just keep my face neutral when all I want to do is tell Everett how much I do need this. I need this to heal myself, to prove that I can overcome all the bullshit that’s torn me down year after year. I can stand on my own two feet and not rely on others to ensure my safety. I can handle myself and live a life without fear. Before either one of them can speak again, I interrupt.

“I do need this, Everett,” I say, not entirely meaning to, but the words slip out. His emerald glare lands on me, his eyes pleading with me to stop all this and allow them to handle those who are after me. “I need this, to prove to myself I’m strong. I can survive with all this fucked up shit that’s happening around us. I need to prove to myself I’m not the trauma that’s been plaguing my soul my entire life. In the simulation today, I felt powerful towards the end. Although I lost myself for a moment, I also found a piece of me that’s been hiding in the shadows for far too long. She escaped and finally stood up for herself in that basement.” I stand from the sofa, my blood running hot as I explain my reasoning, something I never thought I’d have the courage to do. “When I was in that room, I did what you told me to do. I held onto a memory, a moment in time to help me through. You want to know what that memory was?” I pause, my eyes drifting between the three of them. “It was Colson,” I choke out, his name on my tongue tasting sweet—I crave him day after day.

“I saw him in my head, the way his skin glowed, his wild, untamed hair, the way his hazel eyes brought me such peace. I knew he would help me through that moment.” My voice shakes as I continue. “I see him everywhere. Call me crazy, but I swear he’s here with me, helping me every step of the way.” I close my eyes. “I can hear his voice sometimes. Short little phrases or even just one word, but I know it’s real. I found my strength from his memory. Something you, Everett, told me to do.” Turning my head to Dean, I continue, “And Dean, if you hadn’t followed me immediately after the simulation, I’d still be lost. A zombie with no feelings, no emotions, a blank slate moving on autopilot.”

Finally, I turned my gaze to Arno. “And Arno, if you weren’t the voice of reason and the person to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself, I definitely wouldn’t be as mentally strong as I am now. What I’m saying is, I can’t succeed without you guys. I need you all. I want you all to be the ones to train me, to help me become someone stronger than the damaged, destroyed little girl that left Florida all those years ago.” I take a few deep breaths, my hands starting to shake as I look down at them. “I believe I was led down this road for a reason. There’s no way our paths crossed by mere accident. I may not know what that reason is at the moment, but I know it’s not to remain the same person I was that day at the café.” I’m still looking down at my hands when I hear Everett rise from the sofa. He comes to stand in front of me, and I lift my head to meet his gaze. The expression that flashes across his face is conflicted. He doesn’t want to continue with training, that’s evident, but then his eyes soften. As he takes a deep breath, he cups my face in his hands, his touch instantly warming my cheeks as his emerald eyes peer into mine.

“Sloan, I’d never stop you from doing something you truly desire, but please think long and hard about your decision to continue. It will only get worse from here. Watching you today—” He stops and closes his eyes as if he’s been thrown back into the observation room watching the torture play out. His jaw tenses at the mention of today. “It’s hard to see you go through that, love.”

I lift my hands and place them on top of his, his eyes open, revealing the pain of seeing me in such a state. “No one said this was going to be easy, right?” I whisper to him. I pull away from his hold and kiss his palm, my lips lingering for a long moment. When I look into his eyes again, I can see the internal battle within. Stop training or continue? I can’t imagine the position they are in, watching me day after day fall back into the torturous ways of my childhood. I know if I were them, I’d feel the same way.

When the one you love is feeling excruciating pain that can be stopped at any moment, of course you would hit that off button and end their torture. But would you do it if that person you love asked you not to hit that button? They asked to remain in a constant state of pain, filled with mental and physical abuse, unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Would you listen? Would you respect their wishes, or save them from themselves?

“Everything I will experience in the simulations are all things I’ve already felt. Experiences I’ve already lived through, so going through them again is my way of rewriting my story. Rewriting the tale of the weak and timid little girl into a true heroine of her own story,” I whisper, still holding his hands to my cheeks. The visible tension Everett was holding in his shoulders seems to melt away with my words. I watch the shallow rise and fall of his chest as his breathing regulates. Finally, he rests his forehead on mine.

“If you wish, love,” he says to me before planting a soft kiss to the tip of my nose. Everett’s strong arms wrap around me and pull me into his chest. It’s more than a hug, more than an embrace. At this moment, Everett is speaking so loudly without having to say a word. He’s scared—scared for my safety, for my well-being, but also scared for my mind and the state it will be in after this training comes to an end. This form of training, or torture, if you will, is what I imagine military recruits go through, or CIA operatives. The strain and torment we are forced to go through in order to be considered a Shadow is overwhelming. It’s trying mentally and physically. To be brought to your absolute lowest self to see if you are able to crawl out of the hole they put you in is the real test. To remain focused, calm, and unaffected when the world around us is imploding. This is the real test.

Everett was right when he said the most difficult part of this whole training was the mental aspect. Even though it’s already proven to break me, I won’t let it happen twice. I’m sure of that.

October 25, 2021

I’ve been able to dig deeper into her past. Her father and mother, if you’d even call them that, are the lowest of the low. It’s a miracle she survived and escaped when she did. She’s strong and the will to live is overpowering all her trauma. I admire her for that. Discovering who she is and where she comes from is only a sliver of what we need to put the pieces together and unmask the culprit behind the attacks on her. We also need to know why the job was placed on her in the first place. With the little information I have gathered about this girl, it’s a mystery to me why her life is in so much danger. She’s never hurt anyone, never stolen, never mingled with the wrong crowd, yet there are still powerful people out there who want to take her last breath from her lungs. Why? I’ve taken on more jobs within the sex trafficking organization in hopes of gathering more intel on why she was initially sent to Stone Fortress. That’s where I’ll start.

Following my first bout with the simulation, I was able to convince Everett and the guys to allow me to move forward with training. It’s still early in the day and following lunch, I will be heading back into the simulation room. If I’m not able to control every aspect of this memory, I will fail and won’t be able to move on to my final test. The forty-two-hour test where I’m given a target to locate, eliminate, and escape without being harmed. Sounds easy enough.

The four of us are finishing our lunch in the lounge room when Jei and Stefan enter and motion for Everett and Dean to follow them. With their behavior during my last simulation, their privileges for viewing have been revoked, therefore, they must remain in a separate room where they’ll wait for my completion. Naturally, they are furious, but they understand this is protocol and don’t want to ruin any chances I have of passing this test. Before they’re made to leave, they both give me a kiss and remind me to focus on my memory. This memory being Colson. Dean also reminds me not to lose the switch in my head, to always keep it in my sights, and never fully take my eyes off it.

I assure them both that I’m ready, and I watch my men leave me as the feeling of butterflies starts rumbling in my gut. I’m staring at the door, a feeling of uncertainty flooding my system. Will I be okay?

“You can do this, little one. There’s no need to be nervous now. You’ve already proven you can beat this,” Arno says between bites of his sandwich, bringing my attention to him. Arno’s dark eyes are focused on something that’s not in the room. He’s chewing, but I can tell he’s thinking about something far off from where we are now. I let the silence between us grow as I replay his words over in my head.

“My final simulation was the hardest thing I ever had to witness for the second time in my life. Every simulation is a memory we’ve already experienced, but my specific memory was so mind-crushing, that I hid it from myself for so long that I forgot about it altogether. Until that day.” Arno takes the last bite of his food and brushes his hands together, removing the crumbs. He leans back in his chair, tilting his head up slightly as he inhales a deep breath.

“When I was nine years old, my father made some bad business deals with the cartel. My father was a foolish man and blinded by greed and money. That was his first mistake. His second mistake was letting it slip that he had kids. This was their fuel that would spark the fire.” He pauses a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. “My younger sisters, Emilia and Layla, five-year-old twins at the time, were the unfortunate ones.”

I can’t help the tears that’ve started to form in my eyes at the mention of his sisters. Sisters, I never knew he had. Closing his eyes, he speaks again.

“When my father couldn’t pay up, the cartel sent a few visitors to our home in Naples. The three of us were playing in the street in front of our house when our father told us to come inside. We obeyed, and once the three of us were inside, two men grabbed my sisters. I started to scream and fight, trying to loosen the men’s grip on my sisters, but I was so small. My father did nothing. Fucking nothing.” Arno’s voice cracks, but he manages to inhale a sharp breath and regain his composure. “I was eventually restrained and tied to a chair with tape over my mouth. My father was sitting at our dining room table with a gun to the back of his head in case he decided to fight. He was a coward and never even tried in the slightest to save my sisters. I tried everything I could to loosen the rope on my arms and legs and eventually tipped the chair over. The men were telling my father the price he had to pay if he wanted all this to stop. He didn’t have a dime to his name at that point. Just like that, two gunshots pierced the air, and my sisters were gone.”

A sob escapes my throat as I stare at Arno’s face. His eyes are still closed, head tilted back as if he’s reliving that moment.

“Arno, I—I am so sorry,” I manage to say, my voice cracking with sadness. He shakes his head as if there’s no need to apologize.

“When my father didn’t show even the slightest bit of emotion when their bodies hit the floor, the men were so revolted by his lack of empathy towards his own children that they decided to kill him too. They knew they would never see the money he owed, so why not kill the low-life piece of shit, anyway? Before they left, they came up to me and told me, ‘This is what happens when you don’t pay up.’ My mother came home shortly after and found hell in her dining room. She couldn’t handle the grief of losing her girls, three months later, she died in her sleep. She stopped taking care of herself, and I truly believe she died of a broken heart.”

My hand is over my mouth and the tears have yet to subside as Arno finally opens his eyes and looks at me. He gives me a sympathetic half-smile before reaching over and wiping away the tears that have collected on my jawline.

“Don’t cry for me, Sloan, I remembered their faces. They received a death far, far worse than my sisters. I made sure of that. I’m telling you this because this last simulation is going to be so fucking hard. The technology within the room is able to analyze every thought, every memory, and every traumatic event that’s ever happened to you. It’s going to pick the moment that affected you the most and make you relive it in perfect detail. Don’t let it win. You have to stay focused and know that you’ve already survived that moment. Don’t let it break you. You’re so fucking strong, little one. I know you can do this. Now, go and prove it to everyone else.”

My face is leaning into Arno’s palm, my hand resting over his as he wipes away the last of my tears. The door swings open again, and Stefan is there instructing me that it’s time to go. I turn to face the door and give him one nod as I slowly stand. Arno follows suit but grabs my hand before I walk towards the door. Pulling me into a tight embrace, he whispers in my ear,

“If my sisters were alive today, I imagine they’d be like you. Strong, stubborn, and fierce in every way imaginable. Now go get ’em, tiger.” I squeeze him a little harder before I finally let him go, giving him one last glance and turning to follow Stefan to the simulation room again for the second time today.

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