Page 26 of My Alien Sunshine

“I’ve selected two hundred and fifteen scenarios that might apply to your situation. I can provide you with entertainment,” the AI suggests. “Or keep you company.”

“Company? I don’t need company! I need someone to listen to me!”

“I’m receiving input from three listening devices placed around you. I am listening to you one hundred percent of the time.”

I groan, tempted to hit the wall again. This time, with my forehead. “Not you! I need to talk to the captain or someone in charge here. Hell, I’d even take that Zyderi bitch again, but I can’t stay locked up in here while Drayth’s ship is getting away!”

“Captain Zarkan and the rest of the crew are in an important meeting. There are no female canines aboard the ship, but there’s one Zyderi female. Is that who you mean? My records show that ‘bitch’ has multiple definitions in the language designated as English.”

I don’t know if I want to laugh or scream in frustration. “Yes, I meant her. Bitch. Cow. Cunt. Do you have those in your records? Nevermind, you probably do. May I assume the meeting is about me?”

“You may assume whatever you wish,” the AI replies, its tone throwing me off. Did it sound…playful? I didn’t know these systems could emulate emotions so well. “Like I said,” it continues in a more serious tone, “I’m not allowed to tell you what is going on outside of your cell. I believe, I sense frustration in your tone. Does this mean you wish to continue making conversation or should I leave you alone?”

I’m tempted to tell the AI to go fry its circuit board but sitting here, waiting for something to happen alone in this cell, I’d probably just end up punching the wall again. As weird as it is to be talking to an AI, the distraction is helping to keep me calm. “We can talk. Do AIs have names?”

“Each artificial intelligence system is given a designation by its creators but since the same system can be installed on multiple devices, the designation isn’t unique. I do possess a name, though,” it adds, almost as if it’s bragging. “I’ve been named Cai. Is that a pleasing name?”

I blink, taken aback by the question. “Pleasing?”

“Yes. Like I said, I do not possess emotions, so I ask other beings whether they like my name to determine the likeability of it.”

“Oh. Right. That makes sense.” It doesn’t really make sense to me but I don’t know what else to say. I’m beginning to think that agreeing to this conversation was a mistake.

“Would you like to hear a joke?”

“A joke?” Is this AI for real?

“Yes, a joke,” Cai agrees. “A form of humor or entertainment typically consisting of a narrative, phrase, or statement designed to evoke laughter or amusement. Jokes often involve wordplay, unexpected twists, or incongruities that play on shared—”

“I know what a joke is! I don’t want to hear a joke. I want someone to listen to me!”

There’s a long silence after which Cai says in a clipped tone, “The crew is currently unavailable. Have a good day.”

Despite its claims that it doesn’t possess emotions, I can clearly hear the dejection in Cai’s voice. I’ve gone and upset the AI, that’s how much of a mess I am. “I’m sorry,” I sigh. “I’m freaking out but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Will you tell me the joke?”

“I don’t want to tell you the joke anymore,” Cai grumbles.

Grumbles. Seriously. If I didn’t know I was talking to a computer, I’d think there’s a disgruntled teenager on the other end. “Fine then, don’t tell me the joke. You’re really weird for an AI, do you know that?”

“Yes,” Cai replies and I swear it just tried to emulate a sigh. “Truth be told, there’s a possibility I’m malfunctioning. I’ll have to be disabled permanently, if that’s the case.”

I never thought I’d be sympathizing with an AI but here I am. “Yeah, I know that feeling, girl.”

“Girl?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you identify as a male?”

Cai considers it before responding, “As a computer system, I do not have a gender. Although, if I could choose, I would identify as a female. Is Cai an appropriate name for a female?”

I stifle a chuckle, not wanting to insult Cai again. Even an AI friend is better than no friend when you’re surrounded by people who think the worst of you. “It’s perfect. I’m pleased to meet you, Cai. Will you tell me that joke now?”

“We will have to continue our conversation later,” Cai says as the door down the corridor opens. “You have visitors.”

A tall Syndoran approaches the cell, giving me a pointed scowl. Before I can say anything, he steps aside, revealing a shorter person behind him. My jaw drops as I stare at her. “You-you’re human!”

Chapter 15

Faelin

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