Page 76 of I Still Love You

“You were just here,” Mason chuckles.

“Yeah, well, I need another vacation already.”

Mason’s voice turns more sincere when he asks, “How are things with Layla? Have you scared her off yet?”

“Quite the opposite, actually. Finally pulled my head out of my ass.”

“What does that mean?” He sounds hopeful, and honestly, so the fuck am I. I’ve been living for the moments we share. Since my perspective changed, I’m no longer disappointed in her presence. She lights a fire in me I haven’t felt in a long damn time, one I’ve missed like hell.

She wanted to come with me today. She offered to call off work, but I thought about what it would be like to see her face when the judge extends the verdict, and I couldn’t do it. I can’t see the disappointment in her blue-eyed gaze. If today is the day they slap cuffs on my wrists and haul me to the county jail to serve time over an assault I committed because of my love for the only woman I’ve ever had eyes for…well, I don’t want her to see that shit.

It’s better this way.

“Luke? You there, man?” Mason’s voice grows distant, and I imagine him pulling his phone from his ear to check that the call hasn’t dropped. “Hello?”

I clear my throat, my brows knitting together in disbelief as I scrub a hand across my jaw. “Sorry. It means I still love her. Shit, I never stopped.”

“Took you long enough to realize it.” I don’t tell him that it donned on me days ago and that I’ve already voiced it to Layla. “Are you two back together? I mean, how does she feel about all of this? The two of you, the hearing?”

“She’s nervous about the hearing. As for us, she’s worried about that, too.” I groan, eyeing the brick building in front of me with disdain. “How the hell am I going to make it through this? If they decide to give me time, how the hell am I supposed to build a new life with her?”

“We’ve been over this. It’s your first offense. You’ll probably get community service or something. They never make first offenders do time.”

I purse my lips, my chest growing tight from the stress of the day. “How the fuck do you know? Do you know a lot of first offenders? If I end up behind bars…”

What woman would want a man who’s in jail, whose freedom has been taken away?

Fuck my life.

“I think Layla would be the type to wait,” Mason offers. “So, I don’t think you have to worry. Just keep your head up in there.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Let me guess, your face is a wall of steel, but your chest can feel all the tiny pinpricks of how the day can go wrong?”

Fucking bingo.

“I wish we could be there, Luke. I should have flown up.”

“It’s fine, Mase. You have responsibilities in Austin. I’m not one of them.” I don’t say it to be an ass, but it’s true. He has a family now, and that’s what his focus should be on. Not his brother, who lacks self-control.

“The hell you aren’t. You’re as much a part of me as Mackenzie is.”

I twist my wrist to catch the time on my watch. “Shit. I need to get in there. It won’t look good if I show up late.”

“Alright,” Mason blows out a breath. “Just be yourself and let them see the emotion on that ugly mug of yours when it’s time to fight. Make sure you convey your regret and that you know it was a mistake. That it won’t happen again because Luke, it can’t.”

“I know.” I hate this fucking feeling. “I know it can’t, and it won’t.”

I push through the heavy doors, relief flooding me when the warm breeze hits. I rush back to my car with the folder of paperwork my lawyer handed over to me before I left the courtroom. I press the key fob to unlock my doors and slide in. “Motherfucking hell.” Without exactly knowing who I’m saying it to, I whisper, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

I slump back in my seat and toss the folder onto the dash. I rest my head back and close my eyes, sinking in the aftereffect of this god-forsaken day.

When I approached my lawyer in the hall just outside of the courtroom, his face was grim but hopeful. I reached my hand out and introduced myself for the first time in person. All our prior meetings were done over the phone. Apparently, he’s a busy man, and I can see why. He helps give people second chances. He assisted in my second chance, and I’ll be grateful for as long as I fucking breathe.

We had been over how I should act prior to today, but he gave me the rundown and guided me when I needed it. He pled to the judge before me. And much to my benefit, Andrew wasn’t present. If he had been, I think the day would’ve gone a lot differently.

It’s the hardest shit I’ve ever been through. Harder than Layla leaving me. As much as I care for that woman, I love my freedom more. Without it, I have no chance in hell where she’s concerned.

---