Page 75 of I Still Love You

“But you wanted me gone, didn’t you?”

His gaze narrows as he shifts to lean on his elbow away from me. “I was confused, wanting you out of my head and wanting the hurt to stop. I didn’t recognize that then.”

“But you do now?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Luke, what if this is too good to be true? I mean, it’s been good between us, and I know this is something we both have to work at, but is it going to be too much?”

“I don’t have the answer to that. All I know is that you’re worth it for me, and fuck, it pains me to say it, but I understand if I’m not worth it for you.” He pulls my hand to his bare chest and presses it over his breastbone. “Feel that? It beats for you. It has only ever beat for you. Take out or add in all the shitty things that have happened, and it will still only be you who makes my blood flow through my body. I proposed to you for a reason, Layla.”

“Is that…” I take a deep breath and push through the fear of rejection in the forefront of my mind. “Is that something you still want?”

“A life with you?”

I nod, curling my lips into my mouth and keeping my emotions in line.

“I want to try,” he says, “as long as you want to, that is. I just,” he pauses for a beat, “I just want to take it slow, you know? It’s been an eventful last few weeks. I want to make sure we’re taking care of ourselves, and we’re doing this because it’s what we want, not because we feel bad about how we’ve treated each other in the past. We can’t let it rule our future.”

“I agree.”

He slips his fingers through mine. “Good. Now get over here. You have some making up to do, having me up this damn early for a heart-to-heart.”

“You woke up yourself,” I tease, shrieking when he grabs my waist, rolls, and hoists me on top of him. My hands, moving to his shoulders, steady me and I slowly grind against him.

“I could sense you were awake,” he tells me. “And your phone didn’t help.” Pulling my face down to his, he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and kisses me hard. “I want you to do that thing I like,” he murmurs.

“What thing?”

“Where you sit on my cock and roll your hips side to side.”

I grin. “Ride you?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Ride me to oblivion, baby.”

31

Luke

A week later and things with Layla are flourishing. I fucking love it. I didn’t realize how much I needed her back in my life. How much I missed her. Why didn’t I forgive her sooner? Why didn’t I ask for a truce earlier than I did?

I wish I could say my stubborn behavior where Layla is concerned is responsible for my churning nerves. I’m minutes from walking into the courthouse to meet with my lawyer and sit down for the hearing regarding my assault on Andrew. It’s quite possible he’ll be in there, and it’s going to be difficult to keep my emotions in check.

I hate the memory of him having Layla cornered in that alcove by the bathrooms. But I’m not his keeper. Whatever karma’s plan is, it shouldn’t involve me. I’ve worked hard these past two weeks, figuring out ways to calm my anger when it flares. Meditation and breathing exercises are all I’ve been relying on. I only hope it’s enough to get me through the next few hours.

I stare at the intimidating brick building through the windshield as I sit in my car. I pull my phone out to open the breathing exercise app I found the day after I wound my fist through Andrew’s face and click on it. My lungs need a decent pull of air, something to fill them with calmness rather than the challenging anxiety.

Just as I start the guided audio, Mason’s name pops up on the screen. I swipe to answer it. “Hey, asshole,” I answer, smirking at my show of affection.

As usual, it rolls off his back. “What’s going on? You have your hearing today, right? I wanted to catch you beforehand. Am I too late?”

Turning my emotions to steel, I rub my free palm over my thigh. “Caught me just in time,” I tell him, eyeing the brick again. “I’ll be heading in soon.”

“How are you holding up?” In the background, there’s a mild commotion, Mackenzie and Charlotte’s voices overpowering Mason’s. “Mackenzie said good luck and that she loves you.” Mackenzie’s voice is there again, but I can’t put it together. “Charlotte, too,” Mason adds. “Charlotte loves you, too.”

I smile at that. I just wish they were here to offer their support. It would make this day a lot more manageable if I had someone here to stand next to me. I know there’s going to be a shit ton of judgement the second I walk into that courtroom, and it’ll be up to me to put it to rest, to convince everyone—especially the judge—that I’m a changed man.

“Tell them I love them, too. I need to plan another trip out.”

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