Page 51 of I Still Love You

His words send me overboard, snapping the final straw that holds me together. Gut-wrenching sobs break through my ribs. Anxiety pulls at the back of my throat and cozies into my chest. Tears slip from my eyes, and I slink to the ground, crumbling into a human pretzel with a man who has expressed multiple times that he hates me. Yet right now, he’s promising me the world.

It’s all I need. All I want. I wrap my arms around his neck and don’t hesitate to fall into his cradle. I let out the heaviness of the day, transferring it from my body to his shirt as wet, sloppy tears soak the fabric. He holds me while I weep, while my face dries, and long after the sun streaming in through the windows sets and night falls.

23

Luke

“I’m still pissed as hell at you.”

“You don’t say.”

“I’m serious, Luke,” Mason chides. “It’s not a joke. My stomach is as sick as yours over it all. I can’t believe you didn’t call me the same day, that you waited over twenty-four hours to fill me in.”

“I told you why I waited so long to call." I needed to be there for Layla, and I needed space to think about what happened and figure out a game plan. That, and the hospital gave me a formal, written warning the following morning. I walked into the office, Rebecca and Polly barely looking at me, and found it in a crisp envelope tucked between the keys on my keyboard.

I expected it. Knew they weren’t just going to let me off the hook. The board looks up to me because of what I do to help them. Who the hell knows what they think now?

If I pull a stunt like that again, I’ll kiss my job goodbye. The fact I’m good as shit at what I do won’t save me. They’ll send me packing and hire a replacement. I’ll no longer work for Regional or have contracts with the Quentin Wolves, nor the income to match.

I’ll be out on my ass.

“Fuck, I know,” Mason breathes out. “I’m just…”

“Having a hard time digesting it all? Yeah, me fucking too, but I can’t do this conversation again, Mase. All I do is think about it. All of it. You know the letter for my hearing came. If I have to serve time, I want to enjoy the freedom I have left without constantly worrying.”

“Shit. Already? Why does it feel like people get away with this type of shit all the time, but when it happens to you, it feels monumental?”

I’ve been wondering the same thing as of late, but what does it matter in the long run? I did what I did, and now I have to own up to it. Simple as that. I acted like a child and lost control. I have to stand tall and show them I’m an adult who accepts his consequences. Whatever they might be.

“Listen, tell the girls I love them, okay? The guys are inside waiting for me, and I could really use a night to unwind.” When Jett invited me out, I was quick to take him up on his offer, so we’re at our usual restaurant for food and drinks. It’s more of a sports bar than anything, but it works.

I imagine him running a hand over his cheek the same way I do at this moment. It’s like the weight of the entire fucking universe is on me, and I want to try not to feel it, if only for one damn night.

“Promise me you’ll lay off the booze,” Mason says. “Because if something else happens, I’m hitching the first flight and dragging your ass back to Austin just so I can keep an eye on it.”

“Nothing is going to happen,” I promise. “She’s coming.”

“Who? Layla?”

I nod even though he can’t see me. “Yeah.”

“How’s she doing? I know you said she was worked up the other night, but is she better now? I can’t even fucking imagine how helpless she must’ve felt.”

After the cops let me go, my main priority was getting to Layla to make sure she was okay. I flew into that alcove like a madman, like an animal who’d been wanting to kill for far too long. We were separated before I had the chance to see how she was. I realize that was where I went wrong that day. I was so fucking furious that Andrew had his hands on her that I didn’t stop to think how she was handling it. I just wanted to rip him to pieces. I put my selfish needs first.

When she opened the door, her soft blue eyes caught my gaze as she let me into her space. I knew she wasn’t okay. I saw how she tried to hide it, tried to stay strong, and put up a fight. It got her in the end. She latched onto me and let go of the day, her tears soaking my shirt, but fuck if I cared.

I held her, was able to be there for her in a way I wasn’t gifted before, and gave her my cell number in the event she’d need me after I left that night. I stayed for as long as she needed. She let me carry her to her bed, and I tucked her in when I did. I pulled the covers up over her and stayed until her breaths evened out and sleep lulled her.

I don’t know what time I got home. Sometime in the middle of the night, and by the time I laid down and tried to sleep, it wasn’t long until my alarm was going off, and I needed to be up for work.

“I think it threw her for a loop, Mase, and I feel fucking awful she had to go through it in the first place.”

“It’s not on you.”

“I know. I just—fuck, I never want to see her in a situation like that again. If it makes me feel terrible, can you imagine how it made her feel? To have someone holding you hostage, to say a word and not be heard?”

He makes a noise, a muffled hmm, and says, “Honestly, Luke, and you’re probably not going to like the sound of it, but you’ve been doing the same.”

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