Page 71 of I Choose You

I nod and stare down at my keyboard. Mason hasn’t said more than a handful of words to me, which isn’t too alarming because of his work schedule. His move was pushed back a week, but he doesn’t come home early anymore. He also doesn’t send private messages, and the group chat is radio silent. I’m almost certain he started a private chat with Luke to exclude me from their conversations.

“You’re going to have to talk to him soon. I still can’t believe you did what you did.”

I was less than enthused about telling Owen about what happened. He gave me so much good advice, and I backtracked on it all. I know that now that there’s space between Mason and me.

I’m crushed over losing my best friend.

I miss our intimacy. Miss the way he would kiss up and down my neck. The way his fingers would lure moans from me. My heart aches whenever I remember his touch, his smile, and the way he would make me feel like the most important person in his world.

Owen presses on, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Do you regret it?” He pauses. “Let me rephrase. Do you miss him?”

God, yes. I miss him with every fiber of my being. My bones ache to be near him. My ears listen for the front door in the evening. My core burns at night with thoughts of him touching and caressing me, even while not feeling well. My soul misses his stares and the butterflies that crowded my stomach.

“So much, Owen.” Even I recognize how sad I sound.

Could I get more pathetic?

“Then that’s a telltale sign you regret your choice.”

“Moving to Austin wasn’t what was best. My entire life is here. All of my friends…and my job.”

“You can find a job anywhere.”

I yawn from the fatigue taking over my body. “Yeah, and what about friends? I suppose I can find those anywhere, too?”

He smiles. “Actually, you can.”

I cozy into my bed more. “It’s not the same.”

My focus is on the white wall behind his head. I don’t know where he is, but I’m guessing he’s video chatting from his office.

“We’ve talked about this before. You don’t need to be afraid of settling down.”

“I don’t want to move, Owen. I also don’t want something long-distance.” I think about Mason and what started all of this. “I don’t want to be half a country away from the person I want to be in a relationship with, but I’m struggling with the idea of commitment, period. I never thought this would happen, that I’d find someone I would want to be with.” I nibble at my lip, hoping like hell the cramping in my stomach passes. “These are the crap cards I was dealt.”

“No.” He scoots forward in his desk chair, getting closer to the screen. “These are the cards you’ve chosen to focus on.”

“What is it with you and life advice?”

He shrugs. “I grew up around it. My nana passed it down to me.”

“Lucky you,” I joke half-heartedly.

“Hey, now. You should be grateful because I’m passing it on to you now.” His tone is light and teasing. “If only you would listen.”

I fling my arms in the air in exasperation, wincing when they fall back down and bump into my breasts. They’re a new level of sore this month. They’re tender and like ten-pound weights on my chest. “What am I supposed to do, Owen?”

He sighs, probably because he’s tired of my crap. We’ve been over this already, using different words and metaphors. Every time we talk, I end the call with more thoughts than I’m prepared for. I love our talks. I just don’t like all the thinking that comes afterward.

“I’ll give it to you straight, if that’s what you want.”

I don’t, but it’s going to happen eventually. Our conversations are always meaningful and heavy. “Go ahead.”

“When I first met you, you weren’t living your life fully because you were worried about the heaviness that might come with committing to a person. A meaningful relationship with a person you share a strong connection with comes into your life. Mason includes you in all the changes happening in his life, invites you to go with him to Austin, and suddenly your reason for not being able to live your life is Nelly and Luke. Nelly is living her life. Luke is busy living his with Layla. And here you are, Mackenzie. Too busy worrying about everyone else moving to their own beat that you can’t find the motion to your own.”

I follow his words, and the ache in my stomach takes over my chest cavity. Still, he continues with his honesty.

“I get why you’re scared. Your father left when you were young and never remained a permanent fixture in your life. You’re doing the same thing he did, but also not. He didn’t slow down with his life when he divorced your mother. He created a new one with a new woman. He kept living. You stop living when so much is happening around you. Maybe in fear that you’ll miss out like you know your dad did.”

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