Page 12 of I Choose You

I rub at the back of my neck and frown. Maybe this wasn’t the best move to come in here. But now that I can confirm she’s okay, I could care less where we are. I’d storm through every single door in the state if it meant I’d find her in one piece on the other side of it.

“Sorry, but I was worried,” I say, my voice low as I slowly approach the counter. “You’ve been holed up in here for fifteen, twenty minutes. What’s going on?”

She blinks away the fright from my appearance and sighs. One of her flushed cheeks sucks in before she mindlessly whispers, “Has it been that long?”

I nod, placing her bag and jacket next to the sink. “Luke and Layla left. What’s wrong?”

Even though I’m asking, I know it was my news that drove her away from the table before the waiter brought the check. Something tells me she excused herself so she could process things. I don’t blame her, but I’m dying to hear what she’s thinking. Dying to know if she’s for or against me going to Texas.

“They left because I was taking too long?” She swallows and shakes her head once. “I’m fine.”

I stare at her, hoping like hell my gaze pierces through her tough exterior, through the brick wall she’s formed between us since she left me at the table. “No. Layla’s pager went off. Luke drove her back to the hospital.” There are three feet between us, but it’s as if whatever is bothering her steals all the air in the room, and it’s making me antsy. “You’re not fine. You wouldn’t have disappeared if you were.”

She exhales loudly and pulls her bottom lip into her mouth when she looks away. “I’m just…”

“Just what?” It comes out quickly. Too quick for my liking, but I physically struggle to keep my feet where they are. For the first time in a long time, I see the anguish and worry she keeps hidden.

She rocks her head side to side, and a wistful smile appears on her face. “I’m being a selfish jerk. I’m happy for you, Mase. So happy. If there’s anyone that deserves this, it’s you.”

My gaze moves across her face, and I take in her freckles, her upturned nose, and the tiny tawny specks half-blended into the hazel green of her irises. If I could wipe away the distress that caused her to hide away in the bathroom, I would. I’d fucking wipe her slate clean if it meant she wouldn’t be looking at me as if I ripped her heart in half.

There’s no way I can do this. No fucking way in the world can I leave her in Maine if this is how it’s going to make her feel.

My teeth pinch the inside of my mouth below my lip. “I sense a but coming.”

“But I’m sad about it, too,” she utters, her dark lashes sweeping across her skin when she blinks. “I wasn’t expecting you to tell us that you’re moving. I came in here to process it without making you feel bad about something you should feel good about.”

“It’s far, but I’ll be a few hours away by plane. My phone is always on.” I blow out a breath. “Hell, you’ll probably have to call me more than you do now because I’ll miss the shit out of you.”

The need to tell Richard no, I can’t accept MSM’s generosity is on the tip of my tongue. Knowing most of my heart will be halfway across the country makes my palms slick with sweat. If he were in front of me, I’d be tempted to tell him that, but I know I need to take the time to consider my options before I give him my final answer. Sure, I would be getting a lot in return for what I’d be giving up, but is it worth it? Is it worth leaving Mackenzie behind?

“Jesus Christ, this is stupid,” she says with half a laugh before covering her face. “I’ll get over it. I promise I’ll be fine.” She pauses and lowers her hands, her gaze snapping to mine instantaneously to convince me she’s good, though she falters almost as fast. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” I can’t help but absorb her vulnerability. I’m lucky as shit to get this side of her, to see her guards down, no matter how long it will last. I’m highly aware that this isn’t easy for her. Why should it be? I’ve been a permanent fixture in her life for years, and that might change.

“Like you’re considering losing out on the opportunity of a lifetime because it’s taking me a moment to work through my emotions about it. Just because I’m freaking out about it now doesn’t mean I will when you leave.”

A somber smile touches my lips, and I dip my chin to my chest in thought. Here’s the thing, I care about Mackenzie so fucking much that I’d sacrifice my own happiness for hers. I’m that deep into this friendship we have going. It doesn’t take much for me to get stuck in the quicksand, to sink and see only her. It never did. “If you don’t want me to go, I won’t.” There is no way in hell I’ll be able to leave if it’ll destroy her. If she’s not whole, neither am I. Jesus, even looking at her like this is tearing me in fucking two.

“Don’t,” she says with a pinched, unhappy expression. “Don’t do that.”

I exhale, tilt my head to the side, and stuff my hands into my pockets. “Do what?”

“Put me before you.”

I shrug, move a hand from my pocket, and swipe a thumb across my nose. “To be honest, I’m still thinking about it.”

“You won’t say no. You need the help, Mase, and this will open so many doors for you. You can’t give it up because of me.”

“I know,” I whisper, unable to resist closing the distance between us any longer. My hands skim down her arms once before tugging her into my chest and feeling her warmth circle me. Her lavender body wash sticks to her skin like syrup, though it isn’t sweet at all. It’s earthy and gentle and calming and my favorite damn scent. “You’re not the only person having a hard time with the idea of me leaving. You’ll still have Luke. Layla, too. I’ll have me. It’s the first real time I’ll be away from you guys.” I breathe her in because I can’t help my damn self. “It’s equally as alarming from where I’m standing.”

She sinks into my embrace, making me feel the slightest bit better. My news may have pushed her over the edge, but it’s her who’s grounding me.

“You mean to tell me it isn’t greener on the other side?”

“There’s a lot for me to consider.”

“In the end, you’ll make the right choice. In the end…you’ll go.”

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