I drew my eyebrows together and a warm tingling grew inside me. A sensation I associated with feeling Mac nearby. And sure enough, a few seconds later he walked through the doors, threw a wink at me, grabbed a file, and was gone.
I turned back to Trinity and my eyes fell to her ring once again.
Catching my stare, Trinity’s hand came up and she turned the gold band with a single red teardrop ruby on her finger before pushing her hair back from her neck revealing the edges of a dark hickey hidden under a high collar.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just, Sawyer has done so many things to mark you as his and it’s something I wish...”
“...that Mac would do with you?” She finished for me.
“I’m being silly, aren’t I”
A giggle escaped Trinity. “No sweetie. You’re in love.”
“I don’t know about that, but I know you are.”
Trinity nodded with a laugh.
“Guilty. These guys are crazy protective and possessive. You should see Dyson and Eeli with Clara. I guess I should be happy Sawyer doesn’t feel the need to pee in a circle around me.”
This time Trinity brushed the tips of her fingers over the mark on her neck again and the love that entered her eyes made me yearn for something as soul-deep as what she shared with her man.
I laughed along with Trinity, but I knew mine was hollow.
A cold, sick knot formed in my stomach. When I closed my eyes, I could feel Mac’s mouth on my neck, relive every moment of his attention. But not once had he ever put a single mark on my body for others to see. No matter how caught up in the passion of the moment.
“You okay?”
I pasted on a bright smile and shoved my sadness and fear down deep before I opened my eyes and turned to Trinity. “Fine. This little one just seems determined to keep me on my toes.”
Trinity laughed and we chatted more about my pregnancy and how much she was looking forward to starting a family of her own.
When there was a lull in the conversation, something occurred to me.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course. What’s on your mind?”
“I wanted to ask you about Sawyer.” I bit my lip for a second before pushing on. “This is so new to me so if this is too personal, I apologize. I’m just wondering, but does Sawyer talk to you about his past? You know, his days in the military?”
She smiled at me. “That’s not too personal. I thought you were going to ask if we did anything kinky in bed or something.”
I snorted. “I didn’t even think of that. Consider that part two of the question.”
She laughed at my teasing before she got down to answering my question. “Sawyer only just started talking about his past. The thing he’s gone through as a soldier. I guess he was afraid it would freak me out. That he would be too dark of a soul for someone battling their demons like myself.”
“Did it? Freak you out, I mean?”
She tipped her head to the side. “No. To be honest, I was a little afraid that what he would share would make me see him differently. But it just made me see more of the man I love. Understand him better.”
“So you don’t feel any differently about him?”
“I guess I do feel different.” She smiled at me. “I feel…closer to him. Like I got to see a part of him he’d been keeping from me all this time. Knowing he trusted me made the bond between us stronger, you know?”
I nodded, but my mind was screaming that no, I didn’t know. Because Mac was keeping that part of himself from me. And I didn’t see that changing anytime soon.
Fear we would never get to that level of trusting one another twisted through me like an insidious vine climbing through my insides.
And I swear I could hear it as this new crack formed in my happy little bubble.